[Report This]Date: September 03 2018 9:30 PM Title: First Usage
Jack talks about how his situation sucks, yet it seems his lack of ability to say or do anything prevents him from being free. He claims he hates it yet he is so easily willing to call someone master, it's just a bit unrealistic based on the character you've written.
You've had more issues with swapping from first to third person and back again, and here's another example: "I tried to move his arms but I was too restricted." Instead of "his" you should have wrote "my".
Other than these two reoccuring issues your writing is still solid in terms of descriptivenes and style. With practice you'll definitely write some good pieces!
Still an occasional error or two, but we all make those kinds of mistakes lol, best we can do is proof read to the best of our ability to spot these mistakes before publishing.