[Report This]Date: May 27 2021 8:44 PM Title: The Day After
Gave you 9 stars because it's a strong start where it counts, the characters and believeability of their conversation. Though there are a few things I find confusing. For starters, at the end of chapter one he states he shrunk to one inch tall, meanwhile, the start of chapter two he states he's only a couple of inches tall. Which one is it? Also, I'm confused about this being their first date yet in the latest chapter they exchange "love yous." The only other gripe I have is how he does things. How is he watching tv or doing anything at either one inch or a couple inches tall? A couple of sentences or dialogue to explain certain things, like her setting him up in front of the tv, would make this far less confusing. It's a great start, don't get me wrong. But it'd be even better with a little more cleanup on those things.
Author's Response: First thing first, thank you for the review. That whole inches tall mix up is on him not being exactly sure himself on how tall he is, giving an estimate. I did mention he's standing on either the couch or the kitchen counter when watching TV, giving him a height advantage, I'll try to be more clear about that. The love you part, yeah, I'll admit, it probably wasn't the best choice of words for them to use. But thank you for reviewing and I'll keep this all in mind when writing my next chapter.