Date: June 20 2014 4:24 PM Title: Prologue
Oh... that scene with Laura and her twenty beauties... Awesome!
Date: June 19 2014 12:53 PM Title: Prologue
Well I guess when your hungry you'll do whatever it takes to clear your concience and eat to survive. Im referring to Jenna eating the man who stole the pig.
Anyway I liked the Laura bits too, especially the insertion.
Date: May 29 2014 2:08 PM Title: Prologue
Nice, now it's much easier reading this.
It's interesting to see how this relationship between the two pans out and which paths the girls take.
Date: May 29 2014 12:47 PM Title: Prologue
Put some spacing between paragraphs where POV changes, and space dialogue when it switches from person to person. It makes it easier to read.
Author's Response:
What is space dialogue?
Date: May 28 2014 6:48 PM Title: Prologue
Well Jenna seems to be going down a dark path. Taking judgement on that poor guy just off word alone doesn't make her seem all that benovolent. Not to mention how pissed she got at that little guy in her shoe.
If she goes dark on them, those little people are screwed! Having TWO evil gts's is gonna be hell for them!
Author's Response:
She's overreacting, hystarical and unstable. Her new 'friend' helped her a lot to stabilize a little. Lets see how that friendship works out.
Date: May 21 2014 11:54 AM Title: Prologue
Loving it! Laura's playful killing and Jenna's dopey gentleness. I really hope the keep their distinct personalities and not change one way or the other. I think the dynamic between them works well because their personalities are so opposed.
[Report This]Date: May 12 2014 8:34 PM Title: Prologue
Ooooh boy you're writing again! Happy day!
Also I totally understand where you're coming from with the writer's block, I kinda wondered if you'd written yourself into a corner with the last chapter of EOM. :)
Can't wait for more!
[Report This]Date: May 12 2014 9:16 AM Title: Prologue
Seems good so far, and it was a really long, detailed first chapter! Ill stay tuned to this one, the only criticism is the size difference...you should make it more clear, at times I was confused as to how big or small the saturn people were.
Also the name of this story sounds so anime xp.