Date: November 18 2014 8:42 AM Title: 1- Always Read the Warning Label
Could we perhaps see a detailed nylon foot crush? and maybe a crush in nylons as well? It's a great story :)
Date: September 17 2014 7:21 PM Title: 1- Always Read the Warning Label
I do like the set up. Sort of, actually pretty creepy and at the same time funny with her obsession of this woman.
I get my ideas from watching literally anything where a plot is used well. So i find the idea stemminh from a spray can, to be deja vu in a way.
Good start.
[Report This]Date: September 17 2014 9:52 AM Title: 1- Always Read the Warning Label
This is great. I love the size differences and the fact that the little barista is bigger then the regular tinies. Hope something happens with that. And I absolutely love F/f insertion. Hope to see some foot/toe play stuff.
aaron
Author's Response:
Why thank you, sir.
If a detail is pointed out, there's probably a reason for it- to follow with the Law of Conservation of Detail, if nothing else.
Well, you know, if you provide a specific enough suggestion, I can provide. Like a friend of mine, I pride myself on my audience interaction.
Thanks for your review!
[Report This]Date: August 29 2014 6:06 AM Title: 1- Always Read the Warning Label
Check a half-mile radius? What? Why would they put an impossible task on a bug spray label? Lol. Obviously they don't sell this spray over the counter, otherwise the whole country would shrink. So Kim must have military connections to get ahold of it.
One recommendation, be careful with first person descriptions like "I didn't notice", i.e., if she didn't notice, how is she describing it? I make that mistake too, and sometimes, its because I just want to 'zoom out' and show a wider-angle perspective. So it's not necessarily a 'bad' thing, just something to be aware of that can affect the immersiveness of the story.
Author's Response:
That's what I was saying.
Did you notice the repeated use of "website"? There are several websites that sell weapons-grade stuff. They get shut down pretty quickly, but by then the damage is already done.
One thing I like to do with past tense is treat it like the person is actually telling the story later- which puts a lot less restrictions on me.
I will take your advice to heart, however.