Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: October 22 2014 7:59 AM Title: Zero Day

  I actually enjoyed this story, good one for your first try and if there is a sequel, I'd love to read it!

I have a few things to add, some good, some are more like what I think could be improved but understand that no matter what I type next, I still like this story enough to read its sequel from start to finish. 

Good:

-I feel Jessica's pain, the dilemma she felt as she struggled between eating to survive and her moral compass telling her to stop, I really sympathised with her,

-Dustin's own problems I could feel as well, from running away to having to face Jessica when he has been cheating on her. Would she eat him upon learning of his betrayal or would she forgive him? Really kept me guessing.

-Not letting this degenerate into a huge orgy where Jessica pleasures herself using people and the city, we got enough of that now. 

Room for Improvement:

-Michael felt underdeveloped, he could have had more time, to flesh him out and he felt isolated at times when it seemed he would be better off with someone to interact with. 

-I think you could be more descriptive with the actions, it is good you got into the heads of our characters but when it comes to their actions, like perhaps when Jessica is eating people, to really get the punch needed you could have dedicated more words to her actions.

-Pacing felt rushed towards the end but I tend to enjoy a story that builds up slowly so this might not be a valid point, bit iffy on this one. 

 

 That's really all I've got, hope to see something soon!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review! These are all things I'll definitely consider when I write more in the future (I already have a couple ideas...). This is still a bit of a new experience for me so I still have a lot to learn. With help from supporters like you, I'll be among the big name writers in no time! :P

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: October 21 2014 2:21 PM Title: Zero Day

I'm a little dissapointed about this chapter, I'm not gonna lie. This chapter didn't really feel like it solved anything or concluded the story in any way. Sorry about being harsh, but I really liked this story and I feel like this ending could have been better.

Author's Response:

Sorry to hear you weren't pleased with the ending. My intention was to leave things a bit open-ended to leave debate over what 'the monster' really was. I'll have to look it over some time and see if maybe I can spruce it up a bit.