Date: August 03 2018 4:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really like this story and hope you come back to it soon. The growing sadism of the daughter and the burgeoning indifference of the wife make for a great contrast.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your comments. Of the stories on the backburner, this one holds some interest for me to continue. But I really don't know if I'll continue it. If I had endless energy I would. Thanks again for your interest. I appreciate it.
Date: July 26 2018 4:32 AM Title: Chapter 1
Awesome story.
I hadn't read it earlier.
The daugther is delightfully evil, love it!
Author's Response:
I appreciate your words. And, yes "delightfully evil" is a great way to put it. Thanks a lot for reading/commenting.
Date: August 07 2017 5:25 PM Title: Chapter 1
This story needs more chapters! Its really crying out for more! So much left unsaid, undone!
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for your interest. I'm not sure when/if I'll continue this, but I appreciate your comments.
Date: November 02 2016 3:19 PM Title: Chapter 1
Hey I hope you're not taking too long of a break lol I've been waiting patiently on the latest chapter and love where it's going. I love the wives reluctance to get physical with her tint husband but hope it happens real soon. I'd like to see her coming up with a few humiliating chores for him too, like hand washing her undies or painting her toe nails, maybe trIming some hair too.
Anyway keep up the great work.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting. I hadn't thought about Karen having James doing chores. That makes me think. Thanks again.
Date: November 02 2016 11:26 AM Title: Chapter 1
If you're looking for the harsh criticism that'll potentially help you learn, then I'll give it a go.
Your dialogue in the earlier chapters seem contrived, very much so. When Addie is trying to insinuate about James' plight during her time shopping with her mother, it's incredibly obvious. It just protrays that Karen is either an idiot, or that Addie is incapable of anything subtle.
You have created a plot which is heavily centralized around Addie asserting power over her family. Yet, it's the dialogue again where it falls down. Everyone is sensationally over-reactive to everything (i.e the Credit Card, Abiding by House Rules, Respect James' role in the family) and then incredibly under-reactive to actual things that would be horrific in a real-life situation (i.e Karen completely turning around on Addie's behaviour, instead of horrified and indignant rage, Karen asks her not to put him in her cleavage...?)
Then, in terms of plot holes, why is there even a brother... or a dog? Because both of those seemed to be an afterthought which was thrown to the side immediately to make way for an unbelievably disfunctional relationship between Karen, Addie and James... which wasn't built up sufficiently or fleshed out.
You've found a strange limbo in your writing where half of the story is plot-centric or at least building towards that, but the other half of the story seems to cater towards a pure 'Giant girl puts man between unusually large breasts.' You've insinuated that James is highly insecure about his fetish, yet you've created a world with Magicka where it's likely highly common that society accepts people wishing to be shrunk.
Lastly, what irks me somewhat is James' personality. He has a spine one minute and can stand up for himself, and the next moment he's a one-dimensional character that is oggling Addie's chest. Would make you wonder why on earth Karen would have ever married the man, he doesn't seem to have a single redeeming quality. Which would later make you wonder why she would be accommodating to a fantasy she doesn't enjoy at all.
So, to sum up. You've a great ability as a writer, but your dialogue is too forced and doesn't feel natural. You can write humour, I like James' internal monologue about buying size-themed furniture. You've a talent for suspense writing and you'll enjoy a great readership, but the story lacks the immersive quality for me.
Lastly, I hope you don't see this as a harsh review. You wanted constructive criticism, so I've tried to deliver. You have to remember though that the majority of the people that will be reviewing are not lurkers, they're writers. Everyone has their own style and groove, so take everything with a pinch of salt.
Thornton
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review. It's about learning. You're right that the dialogue is contrived at times... that's partially on purpose. But I thank you for pointing that out, because it wasn't on my radar. The characters are not meant to be viewed totally as real-life people... but maybe I should try to do that more. It's like the characters in anime ecchi... like with the style of harem anime, with all the cliches... it's done for fanservice and titillation. Realism is substituted with exaggerated unrealistic dialogue/events for the primary purpose of sexual excitation. For example, when Karen asked her daughter to not put James in her cleavage again, it was solely for arousal purposes; I was aware it was not realistic. I did that on purpose, because my instinct told me it was fun and enjoyable.
The dog exists solely as a prop... something to be shrunk down. The brother exists for variety, and because sisters sometimes have brothers. He could return and get shrunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write a review. I think I see your view point better. I could write an entirely realistic, believable story... or I could swing to the other end of the spectrum and have it being entirely fantasic and unbelievable. I was trying to write something in between, because I thought that was where the intersection of sexy-fun and plausible drama existed.
The over-reacting is hyperbole on purpose (i.e the Credit Card, Abiding by House Rules, Respect James' role in the family) and the under-reactive parts are on purpose as well... to a degree. I'm trying to create emotion. with sometimes unrealistic behavior. Actually, I'm trying to find the balance between realism and un-realism. The primary reason I'm writing is for entertainment, and the orgasmic fun of it. Shrinking gives me a high, and I'm trying to facilitate that pleasurable experience.
You're right that James is shallow, but in being a pervert, he makes it more fun for the reader looking to get sexual enjoyment. That's what I'm trying to write.
I could create sexiness with totally realistic characters, but I find it more difficult. It would seem too bland and boring.
I don't fully understand how the dialogue being unrealisic is a bad thing. It serves the prupose of my goal: erotic fun. But I think you are onto something with it... something I don't fully see. I am mixing realism when I see it as beneficial (the anger/arguing) and unrealistic (banter in the car with Karen and Adelaide) to create a fetish high.
Thanks for the nice things you added near the end. You're very thoughtful and generous to have taken the time to offer some constructive criticism. I need to think about this more, because I'm trying to understand how the story would be better if it were 100% realistic. The characters are truly 'characters'... in the sense that Kramer from Seinfeld is a character. But instead of humor, it's excessive emotion or absence of emotion or flaunted sexuality that defines the characters.
I hope you don't see this as a harsh response to a review. It seems to me more like different philosophies or styles of writing... each with different purposes and goals. Both seem equally valid and useful. But I could be wrong. I'm still learning. Thanks again for taking the time to help me.
Date: November 02 2016 9:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
Observations and such:
The BOOM BOOM BOOM of the footsteps is a trademark of yours. I actually like it, because it is short-hand for what you mean. It's simple, sort of childish, but, hell, I get tired of explaining what gigantic footsteps from a 400+ woman might sound like. It's BOOM! anyhow. You lean on the giantess converter a lot, but you're good at it, you are able to convey size through it well because you mention more than one measurement, or (in stepsister) you do a bit of math to arrive at how much of the blonde goddess is sticking up above the desk that the brother can see. Good stuff. How about find some real world analogues too, sometimes? From experience I can tell you for future stories that dialogue creates character. Write whatever comes out, put it in a mouth, and you have a clue to that person. Do three lines of dialogue coming from a person and often you now can see a character as an individual... perhaps not who you wanted, but someone maybe even more interesting than what you "ordered". If a young woman has size F breasts that's *unusual*. Live that up. I've known and dated several DDD women. Their breasts were a large (haha) part of their identity. They knew people stared, and they were particular about certain things because of that: good bras, sleeping in a certain preferred position, being forced to do (or not do) certain things, feeling intensly hurt whenever someone might mistake their loose tee-shirt hanging out away from their abdomen as a sign of them being tubby. Women with F-cup breasts do not like to clean stove-tops. They hate tying shoes. or jogging. Or lying for extended periods on their backs. They have to mind their breasts, corral them, round them up, protect them. Those breasts *are them*.
Sit on a finished chapter. Reread it a day or more later. I never do this with my stuff here. I continue to tweak after I post. Add nonsense to dialogue, (Yours) “Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you.”.... “Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. You're weak and pathetic.”...“Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. Look over there, Jim, I'm filming us.”...“Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. When I scare you, you sweat. Tiny people sweat smells like crunch-berries to me. Isn't that odd, Jim? Are you full of crunch-berries, little man?” It's smut, I always think the writer should have some fun themselves. Writing sucks, and it always sucks on some level, sometimes, no matter how long you've done it. Banging your head against something in isolation is never entirely fun. I hope somehow I gave you good advice, or maybe what I said sparks something in you that I should have sai
Author's Response:
Thanks for the observations. That's a good suggestion that I look for real world analogues when describing the giantess' size, rather than just putting down a number, like 50 feet. That would make it interesting. Yes, dialogue creates character, and you reminded me of this. I knew that, but not 100% on all levels. The idea of large-breasted women having their identity tied up with their size is good to remember.
I agree that writers should have fun themselves. I struggle at times with continuing stories. If both the reader and writer can have fun, then that's the sweet spot. Thanks so much for your advice. It got me thinking about how perspective opens new writing avenues.
Date: November 02 2016 9:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
you may read, save if you like and delete from here if you want to.
You asked for criticisms/input:
criticisms? "colossusses" is "colossi".
Further things depend on what you want to do and how much patience you think your readership has. What I had planned to do in my stories was to intersperse high detail with low detail passages that acted as a path between the high detail "rewards". I didn't. I always end up cramming as much stuff in as I can, and when I get exhausted I close the chapter out until next time I get the writing bug. So, little happens in my stuff, but if you like my writing, it's a bunch of little powerful doses of ten minute episodes. Also, what do you want this story to be a year out from finishing it? I've been in the scene since the beginning, and there are stories that everyone has in their collection and loves. Do they reread them? Don't know. I doubt it, or not often. But most of these stories are good examples of what the reader is "into". However, other stories people hold onto are good stories. Sometimes it can be the storytelling and detail, the memorable-ness of the characters or situation- but, you know what? I've got stuff that I'm not even "into" and I keep it around because sometimes these stories are so good as stories- other times they hit really hard, they are "advocates" for whatever sub-genre. I've got some amazing stuff that I rightfully shouldn't be interested in, but reading these stories makes me see why someone would be into something, like crush, or amazons or whatever. The writer cared with those stories, and I can see what they see, and it can be cool. Walking in different shoes.
Make something that's throw-away. Or, make something that's a great story with some good smut. Or, make something that dares someone else to top you.
My aim is to make something that dares someone to top me. Then I can come back in six months and see what REALLY became of my effort. But if that doesn't happen, then hopefully when I'm long gone some copy of my stuff will still be cluttering hard drives. Maybe some crazy bastard will consider it a "classic" and other people in communication with them as they discuss this while terraforming Mars will roll their eyes and not invite this poor sod out for a drink at the Colony's bar later that evening.
Author's Response:
Thanks for review. It's nice to see another writer's point of view. You're correct that it's colossi, but I looked that up before posting this chapter, and it's also correct as colossuses. I thought it sounded more natural, but I like both.
I appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective on writing. Stories do have impact, as you said, with the characters and events. And they have the ability to be lasting and memorable. With the digital age, people could certainly read these stories after colonization of Mars. Thanks again.
Date: October 27 2016 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
So, I was expecting Adelaide to shrink her mother as a threat. I had visions of a possibility... Addie shrinking them all and skipping out on school and other responsibilities, with everything going to hell around her... house eventually foreclosed on....
Addie's mother seems to be reacting strangely. I think most people's first reaction would be a screeching fit followed by collapse. I suppose she is trying to play it cool, after all, Addie is dangerous. Good story. Sort of miss the other story too. Not sure what I think about the set up for this new one yet, as to whether it was warranted or not. All of the cliffhangers and suspense. But, honestly, in my mind it's forgivable, it could be looked at as an experiment, or "warming up". Don't know. Everyone else seems to like it. I'm just more or less neutral about it.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for your comments. I was considering having Adelaide shrink Karen, but I thought it'd be more fun to have two giant females. I agree that Karen's reaction is a little unusual. That's where I decided to shy away from realism in order to make it more enjoyable. I guess the dynamic I was going for was the reader to view Addie as fearsome and dangerous and then switch gears in how she acts after she shrinks James... more of a playful, erotic thing. Her confidence and power allows her to behave that way. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Date: October 21 2016 7:36 AM Title: Chapter 1
Was NOT expecting her to reveal James to Karen so soon, big surprise. Looking forward to the talk between Addie and her mom about the new power dynamic in the house.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for commenting/reading. I appreciate it.
Date: October 20 2016 9:40 AM Title: Chapter 1
Out of curiosity, would you have any desire to add any 'Butt' into this story? You're being tantalizing by constantly referring to her curvy hips. :)
Even if not, it's a wonderful read and I enjoy seeing the power play between Addie and everyone else.
Keep up the great work.
Thornton
Author's Response:
Other than briefly mentioning her butt, there's not much planned for that. Thanks for commenting and reading.
Date: October 13 2016 12:41 PM Title: Chapter 1
Looks good.
Author's Response:
Thanks for leaving a comment. More on the way.
Date: October 07 2016 1:59 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really love this story. Especially the dynamic between the mother and daughter, I'd love to see some unaware interactions between her and her husband! Like if Ade were to sneak him somewhere on her body while she was sleeping for example. I'm only suggesting this if you're making it up as you go.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for commenting. I replied further to the review below. Thanks.
Date: October 07 2016 5:51 AM Title: Chapter 1
I really love this story. Especially the dynamic between the mother and daughter, I'd love to see some unaware interactions between her and her husband! Like if Ade were to sneak him somewhere on her body while she was sleeping for example. I'm only suggesting this if you're making it up as you go.
Author's Response:
Thanks for commenting, and I'm glad the mother-daughter dynamic is good so far. Thanks for the suggestions. It's always good to have as many options as possible.
Date: October 06 2016 10:37 PM Title: Chapter 1
I'm glad you "mapped" the gigantic physicality and it's effects on Jim. That was crafted quite well and I'm happy. Now, finally I will grab this and save it. Cuz it will morph into something interesting no matter what direction you take it. Interesting that she has stated a time limit of Jim popping up much later in the evening. Cool, good job!
Author's Response:
It was fun to describe Addie's size relative to James. Thanks a lot for the review.
[Report This]Date: October 06 2016 10:36 PM Title: Chapter 1
Been hoping for some mouthplay. The wait paid off. Great buildup to the first action. Great stuff
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for your comments. I like mouthplay a lot. Maybe I could return to that eventually.
[Report This]Date: October 06 2016 5:33 PM Title: Chapter 1
OMG I Love this story Jedi! I hope we get at least one chapter where Little Jim is trapped "underfoot". Maybe in Karen's sock, and shes unaware hes there because adelaide shrunk him even smaller so she can't feel him and he almost drowns in foot sweat, or just maybe at adelaides feet!!!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your nice comments. There's not that much feet in this story, but I'll keep your ideas in mind. Thanks again.
Date: October 05 2016 2:39 PM Title: Chapter 1
Just a quick comment to say that I have found that I keep coming back to the site almost every day, just checking to see if the next chapter of this story is out. Keep going, your sense of building tension is absolutely incredible!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your comments. I've been posting Thursdays of late.
[Report This]Date: September 29 2016 9:51 AM Title: Chapter 1
YEAHHHHHHH *_*
Author's Response:
More to come. Thanks for leaving a comment. :)
[Report This]Date: September 29 2016 1:05 AM Title: Chapter 1
I just found this story and the way it ended was such a tease lol. Absolutely dying to see the rest.
Author's Response:
Thanks for leaving a comment. Glad you like it so far.
[Report This]Date: September 23 2016 2:22 AM Title: Chapter 1
Good job with the suspense thus far!
Can't wait to see what happens when James shrinks!
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot. Finishing up the next chapter.