[Report This]Date: November 26 2016 7:15 PM Title: Nightmares and Bullies
I'd say that this one is even better than the last one. Very solid writing here. I spotted a few tense and syntax errors that you might want to skim through but otherwise this is a fantastic short.
I especially liked the introduction of sweatplay. It isn't really something you see done very well in stories but I think you pulled it off. It's also nice to see you took inspiration form the character bios to create the scenario (Jen's love of her sweaty body and eating her classmates alive, I guess she doesn't mind the taste of her own sweat lol).
It's interesting how Gina can go from seemingly friendly and ordinary to cruel to quivering victim. I'm surprised that this is only the second time we've seen Jen in a story. If there's someone to turn a usual dominant into a frightened bug she's the one to do it.
Once again, great work!
Author's Response:
Many thanks, I was hoping that it would be better than the last one. I need to go back and edit a few things. Also, as for integrating stuff from the bios, that's generally what I end up doing for things. As for Jen being used more, I am also a little surprised she hasn't been used more, since she's most certainly the most cruel of the bunch. Once more, many thanks for the review and the five stars.