[Report This]Date: January 13 2017 9:50 PM Title: 2: Lily's confidence
This is really great! You do a really good job of making the larger characters feel really in control and powerful. The part with Rick getting sucked into Lily's mouth is a really good example of that.
Going by the chapters here so far and your profile description, I think we have pretty similar tastes, so I'll definitely be following this!
Date: January 04 2017 7:54 PM Title: 2: Lily's confidence
I love it! A huge thank you for bringing Jeremy into the story. He didn't at all out of character and the fact that Lily has ultierior motives for keeping friendly with him gives a great devious twist to her character.
Lily's actions were creative too. I don't think I know too many macro stories where someone drowns before being swallowed or snuffed by an armpit. Leaves me wondering what'll come of Jeremy if his number comes up.
Great work overall, there were a few typos here and there. Not quite so sure what the pun was supposed to be at the beggining of the story.
Also, Jeremy's going to get a bit of revenge on Michelle in a future update of my shorts. I'll do my best to try to keep her in character.
Oh yeah, and happy New Year!
Author's Response: That sounds fun! And not problem about Jeremy. Lily's creative, but she isn't afraid of doing something more clichéd. Apologies for my typos, I type these out in the middle of tr night when I'm hiding myself and a little horny. Asian family, gotta hide ;; Keep in mind, Lily might not always succeed, but she'd do anything for Michelle. Especially getting revenge of her own for Michelle, and could certainly try to fight off Jeremy. Pun was the "cum" part ;) she's a dirty one ~ happy new year too!