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"29 Apr. 1923 (cont.):

From where we surreptitiously watched on the port bow, I saw the fusillade continue. Von Hauptmann had augmented his Luger with an attachable carbine stock. I could also see that some of his pirates were armed with the American-made Thompson sub-machine guns he had mentioned earlier. Yet, even these, for all their notoriety, could not penetrate the wondrous globes of flesh that were Taranga's breasts!"

"Finally, and in apparent desperation, I heard Von Hauptmann shout down to those of his crew who were still aboard the U-boat. Ordering them to prepare torpedos!"

"Moments later, they shouted back that the torpedo tubes were ready."

"When I had translated this for Herr Martelli and the others, he remarked that we would wait for the explosion of the first one. And, then, we would charge Von Hauptmann and the remainder of the boarding party with him! With those of us bearing firearms up front, as most of the rest only had steak and butcher knives."

" 'Feuer ein!' shouted the self-proclaimed privateer: 'Feuer zwei!' "

"Each command was accompanied by a whooshing sound from the water off the starboard bow. I looked up to see Taranga's reaction. But, though she looked down into the water at the approaching projectiles, she still only smiled. And, I soon knew why."

"Before the torpedos even reached her waistline, she leaned forward and scooped them out of the water. One, in each hand! And, then, as if she were conducting some obscene pencil test, she placed them squarely between her breasts!!"

"The ensuing 'ba-boom' was completely muffled. So, for a minute, no one moved as we all stared, transfixed by the plumes of charcoal-gray smoke issuing from Taranga's cleavage. Then, Taranga, ever so slowly..."

"...resumed smiling!!!"

"She giggled like a little girl who had just been tickled by her father. And, then, in less time than it takes to tell, she fell forward on to her breasts. Extinguishing the residual heat of the explosion, while simultaneously creating a massive wave that headed straight for 'The Teufelfische.' "

"That is when Herr Martelli finally barked the order."

" 'CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!' "

"We commenced firing, first, taking out most of the pirates flanking Von Hauptmann to his left. The rest fell to the ad hoc short swords of THE CLINTON's loyal crewmen. Von Hauptmann, himself, was killed by Herr Martelli. Although, not before insuring it would be a Pyrrhic victory."

"I stayed by Professor Phillips' side, through all that bedlam. Therefore, we were the only ones to see the wave (caused by Taranga's breasts) swamp Von Hauptmann's U-boat! Capsizing it to port, and flinging everyone who was on its bow deck into the water."

"That is when it happened. I looked up at Taranga's face. And, she was not smiling, anymore. Instead, she now wore an expression of grim determination."

"Using her arms to crawl forward, like a toddler on a rug, she stopped only when she reached the U-boat. She then sat back up, with 'The Teufelfische' clutched in her hands. Like that same toddler, now playing with a bath toy."

"I became nauseous with horror as I watched her proceed to squeeze the U-boat. Forcing the bow and stern so close to each other, it now resembled an inactive accordion!"

"If there were any crewmen still below decks, in 'The Teufelfische,' there was no way they could have survived such treatment. Not without being crushed to bloody pulps! But, Taranga was not through, yet."

"Her upper and lower jaws suddenly separated. Just like a shark's! Whereupon, she dropped what was left of the U-boat down her throat!! Then, her mouth resumed its normal shape."

" 'Well, well, well!' she exclaimed, looking down at the handful of survivors treading water: 'It seems like I missed a few.' "

"Whereupon, she changed into a massive crab with four pairs of eighty-foot tall legs. And, a thirty-foot wide carapace! On top of which was an upside-down jellyfish, held in place by the hindmost pair of legs."

"I cannot begin to describe the outcries of mingled pain and horror emitted by Von Hauptmann's surviving crewmen as they were lifted from the water. One by one. And, then, dropped towards the waiting mouth of that giant jellyfish."

"They only stopped screaming upon being plucked out of the air by a bluish-green tentacle...and stung with a paralytic venom. Only then did they resume their fatal descent. And, when she had finally run out of these morsels, this giant crustacean turned towards us. Whereupon, I heard a familiar voice in my head say..."

" 'I warned you, Gustave.' "

"That is when she began advancing towards us."

tbc
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