A letter from Kaligar:

Isabella,

Do not threaten me. You were never good at such things.

You are wrong to call my beliefs a betrayal. Say what you will, but there are still those in the council who will stand by Penee. The druids, the monks, King Kazekov—do you think you can just ignore them all? This war involves you too, no matter how long you keep your eyes closed, your head in the clouds, and refuse to face the truth. Your castle in the sky won't protect you forever. You will soon find that you can't simply remain idle while an entire kingdom crumbles to dust at your feet.

This is my final warning, Isabella. Tell Sorena that she is not welcome here. Tell her to crawl back to her tomb, seal the door from the outside, and never return to this mortal realm again. Do this, and I will forgive you for the insult you have cast upon me and my people.

I warn you now, sister—you do not want me as an enemy.

Princess Erika

-------------------------

Summer in Felwinter was the shortest of the seasons, and it was made even shorter by the constant rain that plagued the city. Inside the dining hall of the barracks, the Paladins were gathered, chowing down on their daily slop and mush, while the rain pelted the old wooden roof over their heads.

Most of the tables were filled with new recruits. They ate in silence—not because they wanted to, but because their entire bodies ached from the day's rigorous training, which had begun three days ago. Some of them couldn't even open their mouths wide enough to slip a spoon inside of there, which might have been for the better, as the food was barely edible anyway.

That is, of course, except for the food at the head table, where Roxanne and her cronies were seated. They ate ribs and fresh apples and corn that was still on the cob. They drank ale and belched and laughed and acted like animals—all except for Roxanne, who said not a word the entire time, and ate more than any of them.

As the evening waned and the recruits began to clear out of the room, they remained at the table and finally began to sober up.

"So, how did you like your tour of the new training grounds, Vlanis?" Dextra the Righthand asked, cutting a slab of cheese from the wheel of cheddar in front of her.

The scar-faced warden from Haledon looked up from her mug and wiped her nose.

"...I'm quite impressed by what I've seen so far," she said. "I never liked what Lucilla had done to the Paladins. She preached too much about moral values and convictions, and made the Paladins spineless and weak in the process. A band of elves and men could've marched into Felwinter and taken over, if given the chance."

"Yeah, not anymore," Sineste the Lefthand said. "We live by a code here: the Paladins are only as good as their weakest link."

Dextra chugged her ale and snorted. "Yeah, and we're still working on Cara."

The others laughed.

"...I'm surprised she's still around," Vlanis said. "Cara never was much of a fighter, as I recall."

"Her personality sucks too," Dextra said. "Remember that time when we caught those bandits red-handed and she wanted to give them a 'fair trial'?"

"Yeah," Sineste said. "We gave them a fair trial, alright."

"Right off the nearest cliff."

They pounded the table in laughter.

Vlanis waited for her chance to speak.

"It almost sounds like she needs to be replaced," she said. "You know, I—"

"She could be replaced by a tree," Dextra said.

"Or a toilet," Sineste said.

"Yeah, at least then she'd have a use."

This time, they laughed so hard that they spilled their ale across the table.

"Now look what you've done," Sineste said.

Dextra finished what was left in her stein.

"Bah, just leave it," she said. "Cara can clean it up later."

Roxanne, who was sucking the meat from a leg of chicken, lifted her head just long enough to say something.

"No," she said, with thick juice dribbling from her chin. "Get a rag and clean it up yourself."

Dextra didn't argue and Roxanne went back to tearing the chicken apart and tossing the leftover bones into the fireplace behind her.

"Sorry about that, boss," Dextra said after she had mopped up the mess.

Roxanne didn't look up.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was already open, but they looked over anyway to see Countess Rebecca standing in the rain. She stepped inside and combed back the wet strands of hair that her large hat hadn't managed to shield.

"Pardon me," she said, "but I have a private audience with Captain Vlanis. I would ask the rest of you to leave."

Dextra and Sineste looked at Roxanne, who waved her hand in a silent dismissal, and then grabbed their belongings and headed for the door.

Rebecca waited for them to leave before she turned to Roxanne.

With little more than a grunt, Roxanne turned her chair away and continued eating.

"...You will obey me when I speak to you," the countess said boldly, but her voice cracked at least once. "I asked you to leave. I wish to speak to Vlanis alone."

Roxanne dropped her chicken and rose from her chair so suddenly that Rebecca fell against the wall.

After catching her breath, Rebecca suddenly remembered something and fumbled around inside her pockets. "But, before you go... I have a message I need you to deliver to the queen."

"Aren't you her new pet?" Roxanne sneered. "Give it to her yourself."

"I am and I would, but this particular message comes from Princess Erika, and I would feel much better if you were the one to present it to her." She found what she was looking for and pulled out a parchment that was bounded by a blue ribbon and marked with the royal seal of Kaligar. "It's...not exactly good news."

"Yeah, it'd be a real shame if she were to kill the messenger," Roxanne scoffed, snatching the letter out of her hands.

Rebecca took a step back, frightened by the mere sight of the Black Knight advancing towards her. She tried to cover it up by brushing back her hair and leaning back against the open doorway.

"We could be going to war, you know," she said.

Roxanne stuffed the letter into a leather pouch she had slung around her waist.

"I say this because you are one of the Forsaken," Rebecca continued, "and I have to wonder where your true loyalty lies."

"...You are hardly one to question a person's loyalty," Roxanne said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Roxanne didn't answer her. She just put on her helmet, pushed Rebecca aside, and stepped out into the rain.

Infuriated, Rebecca chased after her.

"I'm her family, you know!" she yelled, plodding through the mud in her royal heels. "I'm the only family she has left. If you ever try to hurt Isabella, I swear—"

In the time it took for a single flash of lightning to paint the barracks in a white light, Roxanne spun around, grabbed Rebecca by the threads of her collar, and pinned her against wall. Heavy heavenly raindrops pelted their faces.

"What will you do?" Roxanne hissed through the metal chambers of her helmet. "What will you—the one who shamed her mother, betrayed the former queen, and declared her own daughter clinically insane so she could gain power—do to me? You have no loyalties or ties to anyone. You are a leech. A filthy, disgusting, life-sucking leech. You pretend you have so much sway in this kingdom, but all your powers comes from the hands of someone else. Without Isabella, you are nothing but a worm in the mud, waiting to be stepped on."

"You forget..." Rebecca gasped, squirming in her grip. "So...are you..."

"Ha. Without Isabella, I would still exist...but you would certainly not." She released Rebecca, who stumbled back into the barracks like a drunk. "I would've killed you by now."

Rebecca cleared her throat and tried to gather what was left of her composure by smoothing out the disheveled parts of her robe.

"...I don't need to make threats at you," she said smugly. "When Isabella sees the kind of threat Sorena and your people are to this kingdom, you'll be on the next execution block out of here."

"Then I guess we'll meet again in hell," Roxanne said. "I hope you learn to fight your own battles before then."

Not wanting the Black Knight to see the color in her face, Rebecca reached up and slammed the door.

"I will see you dead before then, demon..." she muttered.

Vlanis remained seated at the table, coolly sipping her ale.

"You must have a lot of guts to say that," she said. "I've seen her kill for less."

"...I'm not afraid of her."

"Of course not."

A booming clap of thunder caused Rebecca to jump and hurry away from the door. As she reached the table, she slowed down and removed her hat.

"...How is my daughter?" she asked.

Vlanis slumped down in her chair. "Your daughter is fine. Is that all you called me out here for?"

"Has she been drinking her tea?"

"Yes, of course. Every day. Just as you requested."

"Good, good..." Rebecca laid her hat on the table. "The poor dear. She always loved that tea."

Vlanis waited.

"It's a Sienna family recipe, you know," Rebecca continued, sitting in Roxanne's chair. "The tea. It calls for a special mixture of herbs that only grow in the farthest reaches of Summer's Vale. They cost a fortune to ship here, but...Olivia is worth it." She stroked the feather on her hat with her index finger. "I remember once, when a shipment was robbed on its way through Kaligar, and I knew I wouldn't get another batch for at least a fortnight, I tried to pass off some of the grapevine leaves from our vineyard as the real stuff. Olivia took one sip of that fake tea and refused to talk to me for at least a week."

"...It sounds like you two were close," Vlanis said.

"Oh, yes. Very close. Much closer than the relationship I had with my mother, at any rate."

Vlanis raised her eyebrows, causing the scar that ran through her left eye to stretch. Grimacing, she put a hand over it and tried to ignore the throbbing pain.

"Of course, these are different times. When I was growing up, I didn't need help from my mother. I did everything myself, for myself, and asked nothing of her. The old bat wouldn't have given me anything anyway."

Vlanis lowered her hand. "Really? That sounds nothing like Gwendolyn."

"You don't know my mother then. She cared more about the people of her kingdom than her own family. Can you believe that? Who puts strangers before family?"

"I wouldn't know. I don't have a family."

"Family is everything. You don't just ignore your daughter. They have to be loved, or they..." Rebecca's voice trailed off and picked up much later. "...I told myself that I would never be like my mother. I wanted to be good to my daughter. I wanted to be there for her."

"Then why don't you—"

"I never left her side when she was a child. She always needed me. You've seen her, you know what she's like. She demands your attention every minute of every day. If you don't keep a constant watch out for her, she could hurt herself, and then..."

"Uh-huh..."

"It didn't help that she always made friends with strange things, like men and bugs. The normal children would make fun of her for that, and I'd have to be there to comfort her. I was the best mother in the world, and look where it got me."

Vlanis looked at the time.

"...Tell me again that she is fine," the countess pleaded.

"Yeah, she's doing great," Vlanis lied. "I'm seeing to it that she never hurts herself again."

"Thank you." Rebecca seemed to relax a little. "You've been so good to me over the years, Vlanis. I wish there she was some way I could repay you."

"You could put in a good word for me to the Paladins, so I can become one of them and get out of that bloody awful pit in the earth that is just as much a prison to me as the ones locked up there," Vlanis thought to herself. But she didn't dare speak those words aloud, and certainly not to her superior.

Instead, she set down her mug and flashed a warm smile.

"My continued service to your family is enough," she said.

"At least someone still respects the idea of a family. Thank you, Vlanis. I will see to it that you get a small bonus in next week's pay."

"Go choke on a watermelon," Vlanis thought to herself.

"...Well, I have to get back to the castle," Rebecca said. "Isabella will need her bedsheets ironed, and there's still so much to do."

Vlanis stopped her. "Wait. There is...one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Who is 'Kadaj'?"

Rebecca froze. She grabbed her hat and then hesitated for a moment before putting it on.

"...That's her imaginary friend," she said quickly.

"But I've heard that name associated with her before."

"Yes, well... She's had this 'friend' for a long time."

"Then where did he go? If he's imaginary, then why wouldn't—"

"I told you she makes friends with strange things!" the countess snapped. "Your only job is to make sure she keeps drinking her tea. Understand? That tea is the only thing that makes her happy—not this 'Kadaj' character, or whatever other weird fantasies she might conjure up in that crazy head of hers. She's not well."

If Vlanis was taken aback, she sure didn't show it, as Rebecca adjusted the brim of her hat and stormed away. When she was gone, Vlanis leaned forward and began to trace her finger around the rim of her mug.

"The only thing that makes her happy, huh..." she said with a crooked smile. "Is that so?"

-------------------------

"You told me a story," Isabella said to Squish, who was sitting on the table in front of her. "And, although I obviously don't owe you anything, I do feel it's my turn to tell a tale."

"By all means," he said. "I grow tired of hearing myself talk anyway."

"As do I." Isabella folded one leg over the other. "Now, as you can imagine, I was just as charming and beautiful as a child as I am now. In fact, my mother used to tell me all the time that if I behaved myself, I would get cake."

"And did you?"

"Of course. I always get my cake."

"I mean, did you behave yourself?"

Isabella smirked.

"From the time I was a baby, I loved cake," she said. "All kinds of cake. Chocolate cake, strawberry cake, marble cake, cheesecake, ice cream cake, sponge cake, gingerman cake, fruitcake..."

"Um, don't you mean gingerbread cake?"

"I loved cake so much that I started to think to myself, 'Why should I just be given cake when I'm good? I'm a princess—I should get cake whenever I please!' So I told my mother that. And do you know what she said?"

"No."

"Exactly!" Isabella leaned back in her chair. "That was her favorite word. 'No' this and 'no' that. She never let me have any fun."

"But you said that you always got your cake."

"Well, yeah. I used to have Fallon steal me some."

"Fallon?"

"My best friend."

Squish tilted his head to the side. "Is she the creepy one who always follows you around, wears black armor, and never cracks a smile?"

"No, no. That's the Black Knight. She's not nearly as much fun."

"Oh."

"I've known Fallon for much longer. When we were children, she used to sneak into the royal kitchen and steal all the cookies and cake I ever wanted."

"You made her?"

"No, I dared her! There's a difference."

"You dared her...to steal food for you?"

"She's really good at it."

"Is that so?"

Isabella nodded. "She never once got caught. That's why everybody thinks she's so polite and innocent—but only I know the real her."

"Well, you and everybody you tell."

"Oh." Isabella waved her hand at Squish and laughed. "You don't matter much. By the end of the day, I'll be in my bed, you'll be a stain on the floor, and I'll hardly have to worry about what you know or think you may know."

"That sounds like a challenge."

"Too bad you're not as good as Fallon."

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not going up against Fallon then, isn't it?"

Isabella gave him a smug look.

"...At any rate," she said, "I don't need Fallon to steal cake for me anymore. As you can see, I now have an entire room dedicated to nothing but delicious, sweet, mouth-watering baked goods."

"It is quite impressive," Squish remarked, swinging his legs over the edge of the table and looking around. There were towers of cakes lining the walls and endless platters of cookies strewn across the tables and counter tops. There were colorful jello molds in the shape of animals, with fruits and berries and even the occasional man inside of them. There were pie tins stacked to the ceiling and huge barrels filled with candy.

On the opposite end of the room from where Isabella and Squish were seated, there was an enormous kitchen, where a few dozen men were scurrying about, loading sprinkles onto cupcakes, painting glaze onto donuts with tiny brushes, and rolling dough with their bare hands. They seemed to pay no attention to Isabella as she stood up, put Squish on her shoulder, and walked towards them.

"I told my mother I'd someday have my own cake room," she said, although her voice had gotten more wistful and it seemed more like she was talking to herself than telling a story. "She said I'd grow out of that phase eventually. Who do you think was right?"

She stopped to pick up a cookie that was coated in blue frosting and shaped like an elephant. She smiled at it for a moment, holding it by its hind legs in front of her face, and let it dangle loosely between her fingers.

"Have you ever seen an elephant before?" she asked Squish.

Squish shook his head. "I cannot say that I have."

"They're beautiful creatures, really. I hear they're almost extinct now." Isabella held the cookie up to her eyes. "Someday, I'm going to have a whole garden of elephants."

"That would be a sight to see."

Isabella didn't say anything. She laid the elephant cookie back down, found one that looked like an owlbear, and promptly bit off its head.

"Stupid crossbreeds," she said, dropping the rest of the cookie to the floor. She proceeded to do the same thing with the next three owlbear cookies.

"Oh!" she said, suddenly, causing a trail of crumbs to rain down from her lips. She pushed the plate of cookies aside. "I want to show you how to bake a cake."

"You bake?" Squish asked.

"Of course. It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake."

"But what if the way is hazy?"

"Well, you gotta do the cooking by the book," she said. "You know you can't be lazy."

"What book?"

"This one." Isabella stood on her tiptoes for a second, grabbed a large tome off a shelf from above, and slammed it down on the counter. Two men who were working nearby were blasted with a sudden cloud of flour.

Isabella casually wafted the cloud away with the back of her hand and flipped through the book.

"We just have to find a good recipe," she said. "We most certainly don't want a messy one. The cake will end up crazy."

Squish slapped his forehead.

"Here's a good one!" Isabella said. She grabbed a bowl from under the counter and started measuring out flour and baking powder and sugar.

"I'm impressed," Squish said. "I didn't realize you did your own baking. As a queen, you should have servants to do that for you."

"Yeah, I've come to realize that if you want something done in this world, you have to do it yourself."

Isabella and Squish stared at each other for a minute and then shared a good, long laugh.

"You had me going there for a second," Squish said.

"Well, you are pretty easy to fool," Isabella said, dumping the ingredients into the bowl. She reached over and grabbed a large, oddly-colored egg. "The truth is, I like to bake, just like you like to tell bad jokes."

She cracked the egg over another empty bowl and started to beat it with a whisk.

"This is an owlbear egg, you know," she said.

"What do you have against owlbears?"

"They're ugly."

"Oh."

When she was finished beating the egg, she added vanilla extract and cream before pouring the mixture into the first bowl.

"What kind of cake are you making anyway?" Squish asked.

"Strawberry shortcake."

"Sounds good. Is that your favorite?"

"Oh, one of them, for sure." Isabella held the bowl up and started stirring. "But you know what I love even more than eating the cake itself?"

"What's that?"

"Licking the spoon that's in the batter before I put it in the oven."

"Ah, I see..."

Isabella continued stirring.

"You know," she said, smiling to herself, "I might just let you have a taste of the batter."

"You would do that?"

"Not normally, no. I don't even let Fallon lick the spoon. But...you told such a vivid story before. Circus people and strange men in funny clothes doing dangerous stunts for the entertainment of women... Such a colorful tale deserves some kind of...reward, I do believe."

"You are most gracious, my queen."

Isabella was no longer smiling to just herself.

"Why don't you jump in?" she said, bringing the bowl closer.

Squish peered down from her shoulder at the moist milky mixture below, being churned by the motion of Isabella's hand going around and around.

"It's a long jump," he said.

"You'll make it, don't worry."

He pushed himself closer to the edge of her puffy sleeve.

"You won't move the bowl as soon as I jump?" he asked.

"Of course not."

He pushed himself closer still and Isabella had to forcibly bit down on her lower lip to keep from laughing.

"...I wonder," Squish said, holding onto the soft fabric of her sleeve. "How many fools before me have you tricked this way?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Your face is quite easy to read, Isabella."

She stopped biting her lip and let go of the spoon.

"...I could flick you into the batter right now," she said.

"You sure could."

"I could pour you into a pan, stick you in the oven, and make faces at you through the glass for the next fifteen minutes while you bake."

"Yup."

"...I could even 'forget' to turn the oven off and leave you in there for the rest of the day."

"Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do a thing about that."

"No, you wouldn't!"

Squish smiled at her and she glared at him, her nostrils flaring. This standoff continued until Isabella finally threw the bowl down in a rage.

"Fine!" she said, dumping the batter into a pan. She motioned to the two workers who were busy brushing the flour off their clothes. "You two—get in the batter, now!"

"But—" one of them started.

"NOW!"

"...You'll have to catch us first!" the other shouted, grabbing his friend's hand, and they took off across the counter.

Isabella sighed and picked up the pan.

The two men weaved their way through a maze of bowls and plates and various kitchen utensils until they found themselves at the edge of the counter. With nowhere to run, they looked over their shoulder, where they spotted Isabella walking towards them.

"We have to jump!" one of the men cried.

"You don't need to yell!" said the other. "I'm right next to you."

"I'm just trying to be dramatic!"

"Well, stop doing that and jump!"

"Okay!"

Still holding hands, they leapt from the counter and sailed down, down towards the floor, screaming the whole time.

"I love you, brother!" the one man shouted.

"I love you, too!"

They expected to splatter across the floor. They expected to break every bone in their body. They expected the worst and instead—instead, they found their lives spared by a spongy cushion of fluff.

"It's a miracle," they remarked, opening their eyes. "We are saved!"

Isabella stood up, for she had been kneeling down and holding the pan in the path of the men's descent, and walked over to the oven. She put the pan on one of the racks inside. Then, with a triumphant slam, she closed the oven door and cranked the temperature knob as high as it would allow.

Squish shook his head.

"...Well, aren't you going to make faces at them?" he asked.

Isabella folded her arms across her chest. "I don't feel like it anymore."

"Aw, come on. Don't be like that."

Isabella watched the men inside the oven as they screamed, clawed at their faces, and tried desperately to climb out of the pan.

"...That should be you in there," she said, with more than a hint of disappointment in her voice.

One of the men fell over, his hands burning after touching the metal side of the pan.

"You had your chance," Squish said.

"It's just not fair."

"Well, I'm sure you'll get me next time."

"Yeah... I will."

The men in the oven continued to bake in horrible agony as Isabella gathered strawberries and whipped cream and began setting the table for herself.

It was about this time that Roxanne entered the room, casting a dark shadow over the entire kitchen.

"Oh...it's you," Isabella said, giving her only a minor glance. "I thought you were training the new recruits."

"I was, but your lapdog wanted me to deliver you a message from Kaligar."

Isabella's eyes lit up.

"Is it from Fallon this time?" she asked excitedly.

"No, it's from Erika."

"Ugh..." The oven dinged and Isabella took the pan out and set in on the counter to cool. "What does she want now?"

"I don't know. I don't read your private messages."

Isabella rolled her eyes. "Well, you better start, because I'm not going to read it myself."

"Shall I read it to you then?" Roxanne asked.

"Can you do it in Erika's voice?"

"Do what in Erika's voice?"

Isabella sighed so deeply that her shoulders fell and almost knocked Squish off and into the cake pan.

Just in case, she sighed a couple more times like that, but he was ready this time.

"Nevermind..." she said, turning back to the cake and decorating it with strawberries and whipped cream. "Let's see... Cake, check. Strawberries, check." She looked at the men that were still alive, flailing about in the whipped cream, and pushed them down a little further with her thumb. "Short, check. My strawberry shortcake is complete!"

Roxanne stood expressionless by the doorway.

"...You really are a bore, Black Knight," she said, licking the frosting from her thumb. "You should have more fun. Fallon would've laughed tremendously at that joke."

"I thought it was funny," Squish said.

"Shut up. I'm still not speaking to you."

Roxanne remained like a statue.

"...Just read me the letter," Isabella said.

"As you wish." Roxanne took out the letter from the satchel around her waist. "...It begins, 'Isabella, do not threaten me. You were never good at such things.'"

Isabella muttered something under her breath as she carried the cake over to the table.

"You don't have to read everything, you know," she said as she sat down. "Just sum it up for me."

Roxanne nodded and read through the whole letter first. "...Erika claims there are still those in the royal council who are loyal to Penee. She then proceeds to make some vague, pathetic threat in which you have to choose between making enemies with her or Sorena."

"Oh, no," Isabella said sarcastically. "Erika and her filthy swamp people are going to come throw coconuts at my castle and do a naked dance in the courtyard if I don't help them. I'm so scared." She grabbed a large knife and cut into the cake. "Honestly, what an attention whore."

"It's obvious that she's hungry for power."

"You think so?"

"Yes, I've seen this before. She is like a little mouse begging for a cookie. You have what she wants, so she's going to keep on begging until she gets the cookie or..."

"Or she runs into a hungry cat."

"...Sorena can be that cat, you know."

Isabella began to poke at her moving food. "Well, at least I know not to have Rebecca write any more letters in my name. She was supposed to make it so that Erika stops pestering me."

"Well, we could always kill Rebecca."

Isabella laughed.

"I have a better idea," she said, driving her fork into the chest of one of the men on her cake and then popping it into her mouth. "Let's..." She scrunched her nose into a ball, made an ugly face, and then spit the cake and the man back onto her plate. "Yuck. There's too much short and not enough strawberry in this cake."

"Should I kill the chef for you?"

Squish started laughing until Isabella flicked him off her shoulder.

"No," she said, "but you can get me my crayons so that I can give Erika the whore a proper response." Then she dropped her fork. "Oh, and you can have my cake. It left a bad taste in my mouth."

Roxanne came over and looked down at the cake with one screaming man still mired in whipped cream and another lying motionless on top. Without saying a word, she picked the entire thing up, stuffed it inside her mouth, and swallowed.

"Wow..." Isabella said. "Next time, Black Knight, you might want to try chewing."

"I thought you said I should have more fun."

-------------------------

"Hurry up, Bob!" Guy said.

"I'm coming! Just give me a minute."

"Make it quick!"

Bob finished what he was doing and climbed into the large metallic box next to his friend. Snickering and slapping each other's hands like a couple of idiots, they dropped to their knees and pressed their faces against a narrow slit that was cut into the front of the box. From here, they had a perfect view of the doorway.

It wasn't long before they heard voices and footsteps coming towards them.

"...I just don't think it's a good idea for him to do those stunts," Sophia was saying. "They're dangerous."

"Yes, but that's exactly why he has to do them," Michelle said. "Have you forgotten what it was like in our world? For a man to feel like a man, he had to live his life on the edge. It's a pride thing. Here, in Adelais, I think men feel even more obligated to prove themselves to women and to each other." She opened the door and Bob and Guy ducked their heads. "You can't expect him to simply give that up. He has urges, you know."

Sophia followed her into the dressing room, checked to make sure they were alone, and then quietly shut the door.

"...We all have urges, but that doesn't make them a good thing," she said. "Especially not here. Those urges that you speak of could get them killed."

"Better for a wild animal to die by the forces of nature than to wither away in captivity, wouldn't you say?"

"Don't get philosophical with me, Michelle," Sophia muttered. She walked over to the vanity on the far wall and checked her hair in the mirror. Grimacing at what she saw, she reached for a brush and began messing it up.

"...You could be very pretty if you didn't do that to your hair all the time," Michelle said.

Sophia ignored her.

"You're going to rip it out if you keep doing that."

Sophia worked her hands faster.

"Look, I'm not trying to be your mother—"

"Then don't. Because you fall way short."

Michelle sighed, slid her arms out of the sleeves of her robe, and hung it on the rack near the door. She thought she heard some giggling coming from the other side of the room, but the noises stopped by the time she turned around.

"...I just think we've been here for too long for you to still give me the cold shoulder," she said.

"Don't think you're so special. I treat everybody like I treat you."

"I know you do. But that's why it's wrong." Michelle moved closer and sat on the backless chair next to Sophia's vanity. "We share something, Sophia. We're the only ones who remember what it was like...before all of this."

"I try not to."

"But you can't help it." Michelle began to undo her earrings. "The men have undergone too many changes, both physically and mentally, to retain any memories of our lives before Adelais. But you and I have trouble letting the past go. We remember how our lives used to be, and how we long for those days again."

A not-so-subtle grin crept across Sophia's face.

"What?"

"That's the same pile of shit you were shoveling on us when you came back into our lives three years ago. I can see right through you, Michelle. The only time you want to go back to is when my father was in love with you and I wasn't around."

"That's not true, Sophia."

"To hell with you."

Michelle was quiet as she opened the top of her jewelry box, gathered up the rest of her earrings, and began putting them away. It wasn't until she had finished and closed the lid that she noticed one of the front drawers was opened slightly. Without giving it much thought, she pushed it shut with the back of her hand, causing Bob and Guy to lose their footing and tumble into the back of the drawer.

"...You know, it's hard enough to keep an eye on all the men around here," Michelle said. "I don't like having to worry about you as well."

"It's not your job to worry about me."

"What? You think it's normal for a young lady to hate the world, dye her hair strange colors, wear black all the time, and write songs about death and despair?"

"You think it's normal for a grown woman to dress up like a gypsy and prance about on a stage with a bunch of tiny people doing a circus act?"

"...I suppose we've found our own ways to cope with these changes."

"Yeah."

Michelle stood up and took off her skirt. Bob and Guy's faces were immediately glued to the slit in the front of the jewelry box. They had to stick their fists in their mouths to keep from giggling too hard and being overheard.

"...I still worry about you," Michelle said.

"...Well, don't." Sophia threw down her brush. "I never needed you before, and I certainly don't want you now."

Michelle was about to undo the laces of her bodice when Sophia started for the door.

"Ooooh, here it comes!" Bob snickered.

Guy bounced on his knees like a little child.

"Well, you may not like it, but I'm still going to save one eye to watch over you," Michelle said.

"Whatever." Sophia opened the door and then stood there for a minute, as if musing over something important. "...By the way..."

"Yes?"

"Maybe if you weren't so busy watching me all the time, you'd notice that Bob and Guy are spying on you from inside your jewelry box. Again."

Sophia jumped out of the carriage, smiling to herself. A few seconds later, there was a scream, followed by some curse words and then two more screams as Bob and Guy were flung out of the trailer. They flew over Sophia's head, still screaming, and landed in the soft grass in front of her.

She made sure to step on them both as she walked by.

Bob and Guy laid there, motionless, with their faces in the dirt. After a minute or so, Bob's leg began to twitch, followed by Guy's arm. Little by little, they regained the feeling in their muscles and were able to peel themselves out of the boot imprint they were in.

Afterward, they sat up and stared at each other in disbelief.

"That...was...so...awesome!" Guy said.

"Totally!" Bob agreed. "We have to tell someone what we did."

"But who!?"

They looked around and spotted Roy fishing over by a small creek. The blond-haired cowboy was sitting on the back of his frog, with his legs in the water, and biting down on a stalk of wheat that was three times longer than him.

Giggling to each other, Bob and Guy started running towards him.

"Hey, Roy!" Guy yelled from about fifty yards away. "You won't believe what Bob and I just did!"

Roy spun around and put a finger to his lips.

"What's he doing?"

"Looks like he's motioning towards his mouth and pointing up."

Guy looked at the sky. "Up? What could that mean?"

"I think it means we need to speak up for him to hear us. The old boy must be going deaf."

"Oh, okay." Guy cupped his hands over his mouth. "HEY, ROY—CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"

Roy waved his arms frantically.

"HOW ABOUT NOW?" Bob yelled.

Roy began giving them a new gesture with his hand.

"What's he doing now?"

"Looks like he's still pointing up, but with a different finger."

"HEY, ROY! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"

"HOW ABOUT NOW?"

"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"

Bob and Guy were standing directly next to Roy by this time and yelling directly into his ear.

"...Yes, I can hear you," Roy said, grinding his teeth. "I can hear you, my frog can hear you, every damn fish in the stream can hear you."

"What are you doing, Roy?" Guy asked, peering into the water.

"I'm fishing, Guy."

"What's 'fishing,' Roy?"

Roy tried to ignore them in hopes that they would go away.

"I'm trying to catch the fish—not scare them all away!" Roy said, dismounting the frog. He grabbed Bob by the collar of his shirt and dragged him out of the water before knocking the stick out of Guy's hand.

"Well, you're not doing a very good job, Roy," Bob said. "I still see lots of fish in the water."

Guy pointed. "Yeah, right there! Look at them all."

A school of minnows stared up at the men and then began swimming in circles.

Excitedly, Roy grabbed his fishing pole and scampered onto the frog's back. "Okay, I just need you two to stay quiet, and we'll be eating well tonight."

"But, Roy, we want to tell you what we just did!" Guy said.

"Yeah, you're going to love it!" Bob said.

Roy cast his line.

"...Okay, what did you do?" he asked, realizing they weren't going to leave him alone otherwise.

"We... We..."

Bob and Guy fell over in a fit of giggles.

"We saw... We saw..."

Suddenly, Roy felt a bite.

Bob was on the ground, still laughing, while Guy rolled over on top of him.

"This is a big one!" Roy cried, reeling in his line. "It must weigh at least three ounces!"

Bob and Guy continued to roll around in the grass.

The hooked minnow flopped around on top of the water and Roy stood up on the back of his frog and buckled his knees as the pole jiggled wildly in his hands.

"We saw Michelle NAKED!" Bob and Guy screamed at the same time.

Roy's eyes shot open and the pole flew from his hand. It skipped across the water—once, twice, three times—and then disappeared beneath the ripples.

Roy gawked at them. "You...what?"

"We saw her naked!" Guy repeated.

"Stop lying."

"Nuh-uh, it's true!" Bob said. "I saw her, too."

"Yeah, and she was totally naked," Guy said.

"Totally. She couldn't have been any more naked if she had clothes on."

Roy stared at them. "...Well, okay. How was it?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, did you like it?"

Bob and Guy stared at him blankly.

"Why would we like it?" Guy asked.

"Yeah..." Bob said. "You're weird, Roy."

Roy shook his head and sat back down. "Whatever. I'm going back to fishing, guys."

"Okay! We're going to go tell more people what we did."

They ran in the other direction and Roy took off his hat and scratched his head. Then he turned back to the creek, where the minnow that was on his line came out of the water and laughed at him.

After a bit of searching, Bob and Guy found Mack on a stump, whittling something out of a piece of wood.

"No," he said, not even glancing up at them.

"But—" Guy started.

"No."

Bob opened his mouth. "We just want—"

"No."

Shrugging, Bob and Guy continued running across the field and found Wallace collecting firewood from the grassy meadow.

"Hey, Wally!" Guy cried, jumping on the burly man's back. "Guess what!"

Bob ran around the front of him and began picking up all the logs Wallace had just dropped.

"Did you two come to help me gather kindling?" Wallace asked, prying Guy from his shoulders.

"Um, no..." Bob said, stuffing the logs he had picked up into Wallace's hands.

"Are you two helping Roy with our dinner?" Wallace asked.

"Um, no..."

"Are you two doing anything that benefits anybody other than yourselves?"

Bob had to think about that one.

"We saw Michelle naked!" Guy blurted out.

Wallace's face immediately turned to stone and the logs fell to his feet.

"...What?" he said, and Bob and Guy began to feel the heat of his gargoyle-like glare.

"Uh...we have to go now," Guy said.

"Bye!" Bob said, and they took off across the field.

"Know what our problem is, Bob?" Guy asked, in the midst of their running marathon.

"What's that, Guy?"

"It's that we're telling people something about a subject that doesn't interest them. If we want to get recognition for our accomplishment, we need to find somebody who would appreciate what we did."

"You mean find somebody who would want to see Michelle naked."

"Exactly."

"Then I know just the guy..."

They made it back to the trailer and found Russell counting the money from their last show.

"Hey, Russell!" Bob yelled. "You won't believe what we have to tell you about your ex-girlfriend..."

The next two hours were all black to Bob and Guy. When they finally awoke, they found themselves lying in the dirt—again—with black eyes and bruises across their faces.

"I feel like I got hit by a woman's shoe..." Bob said, cracking his neck.

Guy looked around, but they were alone now.

"You know, Bob..." he said. "I get the feeling that we aren't respected around here."

"I get the same feeling, Guy."

"You know what we should do?"

"What's that?"

"We should get our own gig and call it... 'The Bob & Guy Show'!"

"Yeah! We'd put those Circus freaks out of business. Everybody would come to see us."

"Totally, because we're Bob and Guy."

"Yeah! We're lovable characters who always get into comical mischief but come out unscathed and people love us for that."

"Plus, we're super annoying!"

"Yeah, I bet there isn't anybody half as annoying as the two of us combined!"

Suddenly, Jeff poked his head up through a gopher hole in the ground.

"Hi, guys!" he said.

"Wha...?" Bob stared down the gopher hole. "Where did this—?"

"I overheard you talking from where I was eavesdropping on your conversation," Jeff said. "I'm sick of being told what to do, too! Around here, it's always, 'Jeff, would you please stop talking' or 'Jeff, would you please not stand so close' or 'Jeff, would you please stop listening in on other people's conversations and then interrupting them to go off on your own semi-related, but somehow entirely different, monologue sequence that is of no interest to anybody here'!"

"Why are you in a gopher hole?" Guy asked.

"I think 'The Bob & Guy Show' needs a Jeff character," Jeff said. "What do you say, guys?"

"I don't think you get the concept here," Bob explained. "'The Bob & Guy Show' would only have two characters. Bob—that's me—and Guy—that's him. There's no 'Jeff' in there."

Jeff considered that for a minute.

"But...I could change my name to Guy," he said.

"You're not allowed to do that!" Guy argued. "That's already my name."

"Oh..."

Then Jeff got another idea.

"What if we named it, 'The Bob & Guy & Jeff Show'?"

"L-o-l," Bob said."Nobody would come to see you, Jeff."

"Why not?"

"Well, what talent do you have?"

"...You need talent to have your own show?"

"Well, not if you join the Circus. Haha, zing!"

Bob and Guy gave each other a high-five. It took them three tries before they were able to make contact, but it was probably the most intelligent thing they had ever said.

"Just face it, Jeff," Bob said. "You're just not at the same caliber of cool as me or Guy."

Jeff frowned. "I guess not."

"You also didn't see Michelle naked," Guy pointed out.

Bob nodded.

"That's true..." Jeff said. "She always says no when I ask."

"You dummy," Bob said. "You don't ask to see her naked! You sneak into her dressing room when she's not looking and watch her get undressed."

"Duh!" Guy said. "What a moron. How else would you see a girl naked?"

They shared a good laugh at Jeff's expense.

"I bet he's never even spied on a naked girl," Bob said, slapping Guy on the back.

"Yeah, he doesn't even have the guts to hide in one of their rooms!"

Jeff's eyes began to water. "You guys are mean. I'm not your friend anymore."

They laughed harder.

Jeff sank down into the gopher hole and disappeared.

"He'll be a virgin for the rest of his life," Guy said, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Yeah, I popped my cherry when I was like ten," Bob said.

"Me too. I was totally spying on girls all the time by the time I was a teenager."

"I even talked to a girl by the time I was twenty!"

"Yeah, Jeff is such a loser!"

"Come on. Let's go inside the trailer and get some food."

As they walked, they felt a cool breeze brushing against the back of their necks. They stopped for a moment, because they thought they heard a twig crack behind them, but it turned out to only be the branches of the trees scraping together.

"You were scared," Bob said.

"Was not!" Guy said, pushing him.

It was a moonless night, but there were so many stars in the sky that the whole meadow was bathed in an elegant light. The circus tent had been removed from the carriage and all the strings of lights taken down, for they would be departing in the morning. In a field off to the side, their horses were grazing and resting on the open plain, while a couple of wild hares took refuge in the underbrush.

As Bob and Guy continued walking, they soon noticed the slender legs of a female leaning against the back door of the carriage. A dazzling yellow skirt—so bright that it outshone all the stars—flapped against the thighs of these legs, and caused Bob and Guy to shield their eyes to see who it was.

"...Michelle?" Guy said. "You look so different with your clothes on."

"No, you idiot," Bob said. "That's Sophia. Michelle has bigger—"

The legs stepped forward and Bob and Guy knew at once that they were both wrong.

Those curves wouldn't lie.

"Hello, boys," came a sweet, soft, sensual voice from above. "I've been looking for you for a very long time."

"It's...you!" Bob gasped. "J-J-June."

"No, no, you dummy," Guy said. "That's April."

"I think I know what I'm talking about, Guy."

"You most certainly do not. I remember her, and I know she was named after a spring month."

"No way. She was named after a summer month. You can tell because she is wearing summer colors right now."

"She's wearing dandelion yellow! That's a spring color."

"It is not!"

"Dandelions only come out in the springtime. Have you ever seen a dandelion in the summer?"

"Um, yes! There's some right over there."

"Those are daffodils!"

"They are not!"

"They're not even yellow, Bob! They're white, just like daffodils."

"Oh, yeah. I always get those two mixed up."

The girl knelt down.

"I'm hurt that you don't remember my name," she said. "Because I never forgot yours: Bubble and Gum."

"Actually, it's Bob and G—"

She put a finger to her lips.

"Shh, shh," she said, blowing softly. That was enough to silence them both, oddly enough. "It's time to do the world a favor and stop talking."

"But we're Bob and Guy. We always ta—"

"Your days of being 'Bob and Guy' are over. They were over three years ago, when I consumed you." She laid her palms on either side of them and dug her nails into the earth as she leaned over them. "I didn't realize at the time that you were magicians."

"Magicians?" Bob echoed. "We're not magicians—are we, Guy?"

"No way," Guy said. "We don't even know magic."

"We've never even heard of magic!"

"Yeah, what's magic?"

The girl threw back her head and laughed.

"I have no idea how you did that disappearing act last time," she said, "but it doesn't matter now. Our little cat-and-mouse game ends here."

"Hey, now I remember your name!" Bob said. He looked at Guy and they slowly stared up at the girl looming over them and gulped.

"...DECEMBER!" they screamed at the same time.

"...Your ignorant act has lost its charm," the girl said.

"What act?"

"It's okay. I don't need to know your secrets."

"Our secrets...?" Guy asked.

Bob nudged him. "She wants to know who we saw naked."

"Oh!" Guy stuck out his chest and then his tongue. "We're not telling you anything! We have more respect for Michelle than that."

The girl lowered her face until it was hovering right over their cowering bodies.

"You don't have to tell me how you did it," she whispered, blanketing their bodies with her moist breath. "I don't want to know. I don't care. It's time to stop speaking now."

"We just found a really good place to hide."

"Yeah, we could even show you," Guy said.

"I have the perfect hiding place for my little magicians," the girl said. "You see, I'm quite good at making people disappear as well."

"I do believe she means to harm us, Guy," Bob said.

"I do believe you're right, Bob," Guy said.

"Let us run away."

"Yes, let us run away quickly."

They turned on their heels and smacked into the girl's forearms, which were still positioned on either side of them. Dazed, they stumbled back and fell against each other.

"I would normally love a chase," the girl said, sitting down in the grass and pulling her legs to one side. "But, as you can see, I didn't come dressed for a chase. No, not tonight... Tonight, I came to put you two back in your place."

"But we're fun to chase," Bob said. "Come on, chase us! Really, it'll be great."

"Yeah!" Guy agreed. "We just need a ten minute head-start."

"You could even make it twenty."

"Yeah, we won't complain."

The girl shook her honey-brown hair and smiled.

"It's too late for that," she said, scooping them up into her palm. "You belong to me. You've always belonged to me. You just haven't realized it until now."

"But we—"

"You're ruining the moment." The girl leaned back, closed her eyes, and raised her palm until it was right below her smile. "Let me enjoy this."

Before Bob and Guy could do anything, the girl had opened her mouth and dropped them inside. They bounced on her tongue and tried to make for the exit, but she sealed her lips around them.

In response, they proceeded to scream and pound on her teeth.

"Shhh..." she said, putting her finger against her lips one more time. When that didn't silence them, she inserted her finger into her mouth and twisted, pushing them far back into her throat until their cries become muffled and distant.

"Do you remember my name now?" she asked softly, sucking on her finger as she pulled it out of her mouth.

She listened for their cries. When she heard them scream, "MAAAAAAAAAAAY," she swallowed and sighed contently.

"There..." she said, falling back onto the grass and staring up at the stars above. "That's all I wanted you to say."