I found that, as Rhodora had mentioned, some of her other 'friends' were more willing to communicate as fish, even though we were doing this through telepathic means. Tommy had explained that some people, when in object form, preferred to play the part to the fullest. Objects simply do not speak, and usually, unless Rhodora spoke to them, several of the object-men kept to themselves. Tommy, on the other hand, loved to talk, no matter what form he was in. He introduced me to Lance, who had been spending his days as a very expensive-looking floor lamp. Apparently, in Lance's case, the constant bliss of a current running through him left him speechless. Of course, I needed details...

Oh, Doug, you have to become something electric, Lance exclaimed, wagging his tail fin excitedly. That's why I stay a lamp. The form itself is great- tall, thin, metal- but when you're plugged in, especially when you're turned on... that amazing rush of...power... It's everywhere, it's constant, and it's...amazing! I can't wait to get back to it, honestly. Rhodora likes us to occasionally be in a form that's mobile, I guess she figures it's good for our minds, but...oh, God. Ask her to make you an appliance or something. You have to!

 So, I guess the next step was to become a vacuum cleaner. I made something of a laugh at this idea, but the sound came out of my fish-mouth as a burst of small bubbles. How weird this felt, being scaly, small, and buoyant...

Rhodora, grand and large, swam by. You enjoying yourself, Doug?

Yes, it's really great! Apparently I need to become something electrical, from what Lance was telling me?

 Bubbles streamed from the carp's mouth. Yes! Of course! Let's see, you want to be my hairdryer for a bit?

 I could breathe my warmth through her delightful hair, drying it, making it shiny...

But my dreams were shattered by voices outside the front door.

“Don't knock! What the hell, Bryce? You have to catch the bitch by surprise!”

“Why? So we can see her turn into a dragon?”

“You bastard! I'm serious!”

“Carl, we can't just break in! Come on, I'm the chief of police! You have no warrant, you-”

“Screw the warrant! I have to save the world from this crazy witch-lady!”

Before anyone could react, the door burst open, revealing Officer Scottson and another man, obviously Bryce. Carl exploded into the room and stopped, pointing at the fish tank. “See, I told you!”

The other man walked in and studied the glass structure. “Uh, it's a fish tank.”

“It's not! It's a man! She transformed him!”

Bryce tapped his finger against the glass. I knew Jake was probably having a hard time not saying anything. “Carl, it's a fish tank. It's glass. It's not a person. There's fish in it.”

Carl flew at the man, his eyes bulging out. “It wasn't here before! And the fish, it's them! Her, and all the men that went missing! You have to believe me!”

Bryce clicked his tongue, and walked around the perimeter of the tank. “Well, if it's a person, she did a nice job taking flesh and blood and converting it to half-inch plate glass.” He knocked on it again, and gazed inside at us.

Asshole, Tommy commented.

We'll get him, don't worry. He knows I'd never hurt a fly, Rhodora assured us.

You should turn him into a fly, suggested Eric, who had apparently been the china closet until now.

Yeah, then make me a fly swatter and put me to good use, contributed Simon, of bathrobe fame.

 “She's got nice fish,” Bryce commented.

Carl made eye contact with Rhodora, and she made a blatantly obvious wink. “That's her! She turned herself into a huge fish! Get her out of there before she eats them all!” Crazed, Carl tried to crawl up the side of the tank. Sliding down the glass only made him angrier. He pulled up a stool, apologizing to it in case it was a person (which it wasn't), and flailed his hands around in the water.

Damn, that feels good, murmured Joey. Keep it up, bastard. Every ripple in me is its own sexual experience!

“Carl! Carl! Cut it out! You're losing it, man!”

Rhodora swam between Carl's fingers, teasing him mercilessly, but he could not get a grip on her. “You bitch! I'll squeeze you to death! They don't believe me! No one believes me!”

“Other than the fact that this is an odd place to have a huge fish tank, I see nothing abnormal about,” he gazed around the room, “anything here. Let's get you home, and I want you to take a vacation. You need one.”

Withdrawing his hands from the water, Carl shrieked, “No. You can't leave me alone. She'll get me.” He stared down at us as we congregated right below him. Tommy waved his fin tauntingly. “That one waved at me! Didn't you see? That damn fish waved at me! With his fin!”

“Take a month off, Officer.” Bryce walked out the front door.

Carl stood on the stool, paralyzed, glancing around in fear. “No...no, come back! She'll make me something horrible, like...a pig, or a shoe, or...” He continued to stutter out a long list of ideas, but the door shut behind his boss with finality.

“Oh God! Oh, God!” Carl toppled to the floor with a clunk.

“You're screwed,” said the fish tank merrily.