Eight.

I dropped the seventy pound dumbbells onto the pillows and listened to my body. My stomach demanded food, my chest and arm muscles approached exhaustion, but my shoulders were pain free — a good sign.

Coated with sweat, the vinyl bench peeled from my back like Saran wrap as I sat up. The morning sun poured through the basement window, illuminating a swath of air and forming a segmented square on the carpet. Breathing heavily, elbows resting on my thighs, I observed the far wall, the dancing dust particles, the transient shadow —

Shit.

I hopped off the bench as the garage door churned, and retrieved my white t-shirt from the floor. It soaked up the sweat on my torso, but I didn’t care. Regan would love to see me with my shirt off, and I refused to give her the opportunity.

After moving one of the dumbbells back to its spot on the rack, she burst into the room, large plastic bags in each hand. Her head nearly reached the top of the twelve-foot doorway, and her nut brown hair looked different. Shorter, it covered her ears and temples as if windblown from behind.

“Ash!” She dropped the bags, turned on the fluorescents, and crossed the spacious room in a few strides. “Don’t tell me you’ve been using weights.”

“It’s called lifting weights, and I didn’t work up this sweat running laps in the back yard.” I reached for the other dumbbell.

“Not funny.” She bent down, slipped a single finger around the dumbbell grip before I could grab it, and hoisted it into the air as if it weighed nothing. “If you don’t stop, I’ll tell Luna.”

“Tell me what?”

My wife walked in, her arms wrapped around a container of hot cocoa mix. In contrast to Regan, her head didn’t even reach the doorknob. But like Regan, her hair had changed. Though it still fell to her chest in dirty blond waves, it was shinier, trimmed, and framed her curious expression in a heart melting way.

“Your husband has been lifting weights again.” Stooping, she placed the dumbbell in the empty spot on the rack.

“I like watching him lift weights.” Luna smiled, a smile that brightened the room far more than the bulbs burning overhead. The way her four front teeth tilted inward slightly, her canines sticking out like miniature fangs; it was the cutest thing in the world.

“Thank you, honey.” I crossed the room, took the container from her hands, and bent slightly to kiss her on the lips.

“Luna.” Regan stomped over, placing hands on hips that loomed well above the top of my head. At more than double my height, she was trying to intimidate, but failing as usual. “The doctor said he shouldn’t use weights until his shoulders heal.”

“Oh.” Luna’s brow furrowed into an expression of concern. Her brown eyes, one cloudy and one clear, were distant. “I remember —”

“Did you do something with your hair?” My question resurrected her smile. “It looks very pretty.”

She blushed, eyes darting to the floor. “We went to a hair and nail salon.”

“Oh, come on!” Regan hooked her fingers through the grocery bags. “You two act like you’re teenagers on a first date.”

“You’re just jealous.” I looped my free arm around a cylinder of oatmeal and headed to the stairs.

“You’re right. I’m jealous Luna married you instead of me. But that doesn’t give you the right to injure yourself doing that silly bench press.”

“We’re back on that topic again?” I took the stairs slowly. Like almost everything else, they were built for women, and I carried fifty pounds of food in my arms.

“We never left that topic.” She barged around me, climbing stairs two at a time. “It’s only been a month since your injury, and the doctor said to wait six weeks.”

“It wasn’t an injury; my shoulders just started hurting, and now they’re fine. I completed my entire workout without any pain.” I paused at the top of the stairs to catch my breath.

She set the groceries on the kitchen table, turned to me, and plucked the items from my arms. Then, she knelt. “Listen Ash. I do care about you, and not just because you’re married to my best friend. Please take care of your body. You and Luna don’t heal as fast. If you mess up your shoulders now, you’ll regret it later.”

“Beep. Beep.” Luna reached the top step and passed me, carrying a loaf of bread in her arms like a forklift. The serious atmosphere crumbled, and a grin crawled across my face.

Regan sighed. “You two are hopeless.” Though she turned her head, I caught a hint of a smile as she rose to her full height. No one could resist Luna’s infectious cheerfulness, not even Regan.

“I’ll go get the rest of the groceries.” I descended the stairs.

“Get one bag, and don’t try to lift the heavy ones.”

“Yes, mother!”

She wasn’t my mother; she was Luna’s roommate from college and our current neighbor. And even though I gave her a hard time, I wasn’t sure how we’d survive without her.

***

After taking a shower, I donned jeans and a long sleeve shirt since it was sixty-five degrees outside. Three white pictures decorated the front of the black shirt with labels underneath each: EAT, SLEEP, CODING. Luna had given it to me as a birthday gift, and I cherished it.

Three months. That was how long people said it lasted — the “honeymoon phase”, a period of newness, excitement, and eye-rolling affection. Although we’d only been married for a couple of months, I didn’t see the “phase” ever ending.

Both twenty-three years old, we grew up together as children, dated as teenagers, and experienced many of our “firsts” together. Though we’d attended separate colleges, she’d never left my mind. My love for her had never diminished.

I left our bedroom, then charged down the wide hallway. She sat on the couch, eating, watching television, and I had to give her a — 

A massive leg stepped out from the kitchen. I collided with it, my head bouncing off an upper thigh before I fell back onto my butt.

“Ashley!” Regan held a plate in one hand and a sandwich in the other. “What the hell? You almost made me drop my food.”

“You know I don’t like to be called that.” I rubbed my forehead, sweeping aside my wet, disheveled hair to assess the damage.

“Are you hurt?” Concern replaced the annoyance in her tone.

“No.” I shook my head and rose unsteadily to my feet, bracing myself with an arm against her bare leg. She wore shorts; Ascended didn’t get cold as easily as Luna and myself.

“Do you want some of my sandwich before we go to the mall?”

“Yes, please.” Dizziness abated, I zipped around her legs and clambered onto the couch. I crawled onto the same cushion as Luna and kissed her, sucking the breadcrumbs from her lips.

“What was that for?” Her delighted expression made me want to go in for another, but I resisted.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh, for crying out loud.” Regan lowered a plate of food to me. “It’s been twenty minutes.”

“I like the smell of your shampoo.” Luna’s right eye, the one not occluded by a cerulean cataract, sparkled with mischief. We were partners in crime, and Regan could do nothing about it.

“Take the plate.” She inserted the dish between us, breaking my trance.

I grabbed the edges of the plate with both hands, and lowered it onto my lap. At five-foot nine, when sitting upright, I could extend my legs fully without my feet going beyond the bounds of the cushion. At five-foot three, Luna could do the same, however she sat cross-legged as usual.

Regan plopped onto the cushion adjacent to Luna and chomped into her sandwich. Speaking with her mouth full, she said, “Eat up. We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

My plate consisted of a fourth of a ham sandwich, a banana, two pickles, and some potato chips. Using both hands, I picked up the sandwich, then opened my mouth as wide as possible. My teeth severed a chunk of bread, mustard, ham, and cheese — not particularly tasty, but filling nonetheless.

Regan peeled a banana and consumed nearly the entire fruit in a single bite. “You know Ash, you don’t have to come with us.”

“You said he could come.” Luna frowned.

Regan swallowed. “Of course he can come. I just figured he might not be interested in shopping for clothing.”

“If he’s not coming, I’m staying home.”

Regan rolled her eyes. “You two are inseparable. I’m lucky he let you go to the salon with me this morning, though he does need a haircut.”

“We don’t get to see each other much on the weekdays.” I bit into a pickle.

“And I think his hair looks good.” Luna combed her fingers through my hair and down the back of my neck.

“You’re even completing each other’s sentences.” She finished her banana and peeled another. “Hopeless.”

“Is Addie coming?” Luna asked.

“Of course,” Regan said. “She was bummed enough that she had to work this morning.”

“Oh good. I can’t wait until she sees my new haircut. I hope she likes it.”

“Are you kidding?” Regan asked. “She’ll love it.”

“Guess that means we’re not taking my car.” I tried to conceal my disappointment.

Regan laughed. “We wouldn’t take your car even if she wasn’t coming. I can barely fit in that thing and Luna would have to sit on my lap. Not that I’d mind, but still.”

“Well, I’m not riding in that car seat.” I stuffed my mouth with a chip as large as my hand.

“We’re not having this argument again. Luna, please talk to your husband.”

“She’s right, honey. Addie purchased them for our safety. She’s a police officer, and she could get in trouble if we don’t use them.”

“Only if she gets caught. Besides, that thing makes me feel like a child.”

“Oh, grow up,” Regan said. “Physically, you have the height of a toddler and you weigh considerably less. Mentally, you’re not a child but you sure do act like one sometimes. The seat is for your protection, so deal with it.”

“I’m not that short,” I mumbled.

“Ash, my niece just turned two and she’s an inch shorter than you. She’s normal weight, a little over two hundred pounds, and she uses a car seat. The only difference between you and her is that you’re skinny and not as cute.”

“He’s not skinny.” Luna massaged my shoulder. “And I think he’s extremely cute.”

Regan shrugged. “Callin’ it like I see it.”

“I haf you know”—I swallowed a mouthful of banana—“back in the nineteenth century, before the Ascension, one hundred fifty-five pounds was considered normal for a man of my height.”

“Well, this is 2014, not 1814. And who said you’re normal?” Regan stuck out her tongue.

I chuckled. “Nice one. Take you all day to think of that come back?”

“Nope.” She tilted her head up and spoke in a mock aristocratic accent. “As a member of the elevated race, I simply think on my feet faster than you. Comes with the bigger brain.”

“Yeh, whatever.” I didn’t mind the size jokes, but the intelligence jokes hit too close to home. Even though Regan meant no harm, her comment upset me.

Historically, men had struggled with proving themselves intellectually capable of performing the same jobs as Ascended, all of whom were women. Stereotypes abounded, and most men simply gave up, becoming Healers.

Since nearly all women had ascended, and since men accounted for only one percent of the world’s population, the stereotype had fallen into disuse. Today, the term “Ascended” implied “normal”, and normal women simply didn’t encounter men frequently on a daily basis.

With unascended women being even rarer than men, the fact that I’d married Luna never ceased to fill me with amazement. So long as she remained at my side, unascended, I could endure anything Regan or the world threw at me. We were in it together, and nothing short of Ascension or death could tear us apart.

And like her recently deceased mother, Luna never wanted to ascend. She’d promised me when we’d first met as children and before we’d married. Together, we’d face the challenges of an oversized world, fighting fear with shared laughter, and discouragement with heartfelt embrace.

We’d carve out our own little niche, and we did, every single day.

***

“Addie!” Luna ran out of the garage, arms extended wide. 

As Addison knelt, her short black skirt rode partially up her toned legs and her white sleeveless top offered a view of her considerable cleavage. Though not as well endowed or as tall as Regan, her trained body revealed not an ounce of fat.

She wrapped my wife’s body in two huge arms, and stood as they hugged. After a few seconds, she held Luna out for inspection. Given the absence of arm strain, she might as well have been holding a phone book. “I like your hair.”

“Thank you.” Luna stuck her hands forward, wiggling her fingers.

Addison’s jade eyes shifted down a notch. “And your nails. Pink always looks good on you.”

“And when did you get your hair done?” My wife asked, always eager to repay compliments.

Addison’s hair looked the same as it always did: an asymmetrical bob with bright streaks on one side, vivid against the chocolate brown. As usual, it was longer in the front and covered most of the right half of her face. The only difference was the color of the streaks — crimson instead of dark blue.

“You like it?” Addison never smiled. Ever. But the corners of her lips twitched once, her way of signifying how much she enjoyed my wife’s attention.

“It’s incredible. I wish I could make my hair that glossy and straight.”

“I like your hair the way it is, honey.” I walked up to Addison's leg and looked up, squinting. Though partly cloudy, the sky was bright with the early afternoon sunshine.

“Ash.” Addison maneuvered Luna into a one-armed hip carry, and peered down at me. My wife hugged as much of Addison as she could, nuzzling the side of her face against Addison’s shoulder and chest.

“Addison.” Refusing to call her Addie, I completed the sharing of our typical one-word greeting. She knew I was still upset with her about the car seats, though really, I had no grounds for my anger. All men rode in car seats, and I even sat in a modified version of one to drive my car.

The garage door closed from behind, and Regan appeared at my side. “Hey, babe.” She caressed her fingers against Addison’s cheek, shifting the waterfall of hair to the side. Addison’s complexion was flawless. Why she bothered to hide half her face made no sense to me.

Addison set Luna on the ground before engaging in an open mouth kiss with Regan. Addison’s hands gripped the sides and back of Regan’s head as they locked lips. Luna turned around, red as an apple.

“You two want to get a room?” I walked to the rear door of their Toyota Camry.

Eventually, Regan responded. “You kiss your wife in front of me. Don’t get mad if we do the same.”

Addison and Regan had been married for a year longer, but their displays of public affection had increased in frequency lately. If I didn’t know them better, I’d guess it was some bizarre competition. But, they truly did love each other and, in all honesty, I simply had to avoid looking up if I didn’t want to see it.

Though the handle was easily within reach, opening the door proved embarrassingly difficult. Hiding my struggle, I finally managed to open it, then waited for Luna to arrive. She wasn’t able to open the doors to our own car, which had a lighter frame, so she certainly wouldn’t have been able to open these.

As she climbed into the car, she used my clasped hands as a step, which I then lifted, boosting her into the car seat. She flipped around in the seat, faced forward, and snapped the shoulder harness over her body.

“So chivalrous.” Regan appeared and checked the straps, ensuring they weren’t too tight or loose. “Comfortable?”

“Yup,” Luna said. “I think Addie bought the best kind. I wish the ones in our car were this comfy.”

“We can buy some more. I’ll show you the website if you want to pick out different colors. We’ll help you install them, of course.”

“I installed the seats in our car just fine.” I lied; my mom had installed them after she’d purchased the car as a graduation gift. The darn things weighed more than me.

Regan sighed, her eyes burning into my head. “It doesn’t hurt to ask for help you know.”

I shrugged and walked to the other side of the car, Regan following close behind. I grabbed the handle, but with my first attempt, the door didn’t budge.

“I swear, you’re the only man in the world who refuses to let go of his ego.” She swept me up, saddled me against her right hip, and opened the door with her free hand. Then, she deposited me into the seat and fastened the harness.

I glared at her. “That was unnecessary.”

She grinned, knowing full well that she’d won the encounter. Naturally, she had to rub it in further. “Your seat came with a musical mobile. We removed it, but I could add it back if you’d like.”

“No thanks.” I deadpanned.

“Luna, your husband’s adorable when he’s angry.” She reached for my face and I wrapped my hand around one of her fingers.

“He’s always adorable.” Luna, thankfully, stared at the phone in Addison’s hands. The larger woman leaned through the open rear window, and flipped through some digital photos.

I smiled like the Cheshire Cat, my wife’s words reversing my mood in an instant.

“If you say so.” Regan smirked and withdrew her finger. Whatever part of my face she’d intended to touch, her goal of annoying me further had been thwarted.

She stood, then called out. “Babe, you’re driving. I’ve got to keep an eye on these two troublemakers.”

They swapped sides. Addison settled into the driver’s seat, rolled up the windows, and started the car. After Regan shut the passenger door, she looked back between the front seats.

“Now you kids behave.”

“You’re lucky I’m not on the other side,” I said. “I’d be kicking the back of your seat.”

“Oh, like your legs would reach.”

“They would if I wasn’t stuck in this —”

“Ash.” Luna’s soft tone and gentle smile arrested the words in my throat.

I shut my mouth.

“Aw, it’s no fun when you defuse him like that, Luna.” Regan faced the front and fastened her seat belt.

In spite of our arguments, I couldn’t wait to get to the mall. Unascended were only allowed to drive to work and locations with Security Rank A, i.e., sufficient protection to prevent abduction. The mall was Security Rank B. Luna and I couldn’t go there without a Guardian, an Ascended caretaker of sorts. Regan and Addison served as our Guardians, and we were extremely appreciative. Though Luna expressed her appreciation more than me, I thanked them both at least once a week.

However, that didn’t mean I planned on following them blindly around the mall once we arrived.

Clothes shopping wasn’t on my agenda for today.