Prologue:
This will probably be my last story for quite a while. I started writing it last November and finally found the mental energy to finish it. It's quite a bit darker than my previous stories. I've actually gone back and toned it down considerably from where it was when I started it. Hopefully, nobody will be offended at what remains. I lost a couple of friends on 9/11, and my anger got the better of me in the beginning. That anger was reflected in the parts I edited out. I also need to mention that one of the characters doing the eating isn't quite human. Then again, neither is the "person" being eaten. I don't think anybody will mind when they find out who it is. Rest assured that once that little matter is dispensed with, the story will take on a gentler demeanor, with lots of juicy throats. ENJOY!!!
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Somewhere just outside the orbit of the moon, a dark and lifeless rock hurtled through space. It had been traveling for millions of years and countless billions of miles. It's journey was nearly at an end.
Meanwhile, a shadowy figure emerged warily from one of the many dark mountain caves that had served as hiding places for him and his most devoted followers for so long. It had been several months since he had last heard the sound of planes circling overhead or bombs dropping on nearby hillsides. Now there was nothing but blessed silence. As he stepped outside to watch the sun rise over the snow capped peaks, a sinister smile crept across his evil bearded face.
Until a few days ago, he had been the most wanted man on the face of the Earth. He was guilty of unspeakable crimes that had resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent people, crimes for which he felt no remorse. In his sick mind, the deaths of the infidel dogs was the will of the almighty, and he was merely the obedient instrument of that will. Now, through the use of a clever ruse, he had apparently escaped the punishment he so richly deserved.
With a $25 million bounty on his head, he knew that it would be only a matter of time until somebody, maybe even somebody who he called a friend, turned him in for the reward. However, in planning his evil deeds, he had foreseen this situation. In the past, he had always used several doubles to throw his pursuers off his trail. Now, he had a special mission for one of them. Sadly for the unfortunate double, the mission would be his last.
When several heavily armed men drove into town, dropped off the badly burned and mutilated corpse of a bearded man, and claimed the reward, the American officials were initially sceptical and wanted to fly the body back to the U.S. for closer analysis. However, local religious customs dictated that a deceased person be buried within 24 hours of his death. In the end, the Americans relented and accepted the identification that had been made by several women claiming to be the man's wives. The reward was paid in cash stuffed into several large suitcases, and the mission to capture one of the most infamous criminals in the history of mankind was officially declared over.
As the monster bathed his face in warm sunlight for the first time in days, he laughed at the delicious irony of the situation. The American reward money in the suitcases he was sitting on, money that was paid for proof of his supposed death, would soon be funding even more elaborate terrorist schemes designed to destroy the very country that had paid the reward. The more he thought about this, the harder and harder he laughed. He was so preoccupied with thoughts of future evil deeds that he didn't notice his cohorts pointing at the sky and scurrying madly for cover. Suddenly, he heard a piercing shriek and was shrouded by a dark shadow. He looked up to see what was causing it.
"MUTHA FUCK!!!!" were the last words the man ever uttered as the car sized meteor slammed into him, turning his body and ill gotten money into cosmic dust and water vapor.
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It was another perfect day in paradise, and as usual Joe Bascom was headed for the beach with his surfboard. Joe was the prototypical slacker. He was a decent enough guy, but nothing or nobody took precedence over catching the perfect wave and tending to his tan. He was quite proud of the creative lies he'd thought up to get out of both work and the charity function he'd promised to attend with his girlfriend. He felt some pangs of guilt about lying to his sweetie, but they quickly subsided as he approached the beach. He figured he'd make it up to her some other time, when the weather wasn't quite so nice.
He had a favorite spot he liked to go to. It was pretty rocky, and he had to walk a long way to the beach from where he parked, but the waves were great. Best of all, he pretty much always had the place to himself. He didn't like sharing waves with all the tourists that plagued some of the more popular surfer beaches.
Joe parked his car, put his board under his arm, and began the long trek to the beach. When he got there, he was pleased to see that nobody else was around, and that the waves were monstrous.
"Perfect!!", he thought. It always pissed him off when somebody else was surfing at HIS spot. He sort of felt as if he owned this particular beach and these waves.
As he paddled out through the surf, he felt at complete peace with the world. He never felt better than when he was on his board on a day like this. When he'd gotten out far enough, he turned around and waited. He let a few decent swells pass him by when suddenly he saw the wave he had been waiting for and started paddling like crazy. A few seconds later, he was on his feet and riding the biggest wave he'd seen all year. All at once he slipped. Joe's board went flying in one direction and he went flying in another as the huge wave crashed down on top of him, sending him tumbling to the rocky bottom. A second later, his head ricochetted off a huge boulder, and he lost consciousness. On most beaches people would be coming to his rescue from every direction, but not at this beach. Joe would pay the ultimate price for his selfishness.
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Don was happily packing his bags as he prepared to leave for the airport on a most unusual trip.
A few weeks earlier he'd entered a weird contest on some website, AND HE'D WON!! To enter, the contestants had to make a really off-the-wall request to be fulfilled by the famous person of his or her choice. The request couldn't involve nudity or sex, couldn't cost any money, and could only involve 5 minutes of the celebrity's time. The judges would examine all the requests and the weirdest one would be declared the winner, once the celebrity had agreed to participate. To get the celebrities to go along, the website would contribute $50,000 to the charity of their choice. Don had requested that he get to spend 5 minutes staring into Jessica Alba's juicy open mouth at her luscious pink throat. He figured it would be too crazy to possibly win. He was wrong.
The flight to California only took a couple of hours. When he arrived, the contest organizers were there to greet him and wisk him off in a limousine to a nearby office building. He was then ushered into a room where he was asked to wait for a few minutes while Jessica was summoned.
About 5 minutes later, she entered the room. Don started to tremble and break out in a cold sweat as she walked toward him. He'd had the hots for her for a long time, but seeing her in person was overwhelming. His heart was pounding.
"Hi Don, I understand that you'd like me to open my mouth wide so that you can stare at my throat?"
"Uh, yeah. Is that OK with you?"
"Sure!! But, could you tell me why you made such a strange request?"
Don didn't want to tell her the real reason, that he longed to be swallowed alive by her.
"Gee, I don't know. It just a crazy thought that popped into my head out of nowhere. I had no idea I'd win."
"Well, you did. Congratulations!! Now, lets move over by the window so that we can get the proper lighting."
Jessica and Don walked over to a window where the sun was streaming in. Then she had Don stand with his back to the window. As she faced him, the intense California sun bathed her gorgeous face.
"OK Don, your five minutes are about to start. Are you ready?"
"Yeah," Don stammered, his knees shaking uncontrollably.
Jessica put her mouth directly in front of Don's eyes. When she was sure that it was being fully illuminated by the sun, she opened wide, giving Don the throat shot of a lifetime. His heart beat wildly as he stared into the glistening pink cavern. The sun enhanced every nook and cranny, as each scrumptious detail of her mouth's juicy interior seemed to come to life. Suddenly, he collapsed in a heap on the floor."
"Oh no, he's had a heart attack" Jessica exclaimed. "Damn, this always happens when men look into my mouth."
Meanwhile, Don felt himself drifting down a long tunnel, toward a blinding white light.
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"Where the heck is going on?" Don thought as he walked along a misty pathway. "One minute, I'm staring at the most gorgeous throat in all creation, and the next minute it's like a scene from the 'Hounds of the Baskervilles'."
As he continued walking, he suddenly heard the sound of other footsteps. He didn't know whether to be happy or frightened that somebody else was nearby, but his curiosity prevailed.
"Hey, is anybody there?" he shouted.
"Yo Dude, this way!!" a voice responded.
"Yes, over here!!" hailed another voice
Don started running in the general direction of the two voices, and nearly collided head-on with their owners as they emerged from the swirling mist.
"Hi, I'm Don!!"
"Nice to meet you Don!! I'm Joe and this is Osama."
"Howdy guys. Say, do you have any idea where the heck we are?"
"Ah, the unbelievable ignorance of the infidel swine never ceases to amaze me", said Osama. "We're all dead, and soon you'll both be burning in hell while I'm being tended to hand and foot by 72 virgins!!"
"Yo, lighten up with the heavy rhetoric dude!! We're all in the same boat here?" said Joe.
"Hey, wait a minute," Don said. "You say this guy's name is Osama? Is he the same scumbag that ...."
"I'm afraid so man."
The instant he heard that, Don launched himself at Joe's unpleasant companion, threw him down on the pathway, and began pummeling his face with his fists. The blows, however, had no apparent effect. Osama laughed maniacally at Don's futile efforts to pound his smirking face into a bloody pulp.
"It's no use trying to kick his ass Don. I tried the same thing when I figured out who he was, but I didn't have any luck either. I guess once you're deceased, nobody can hurt you any more."
"That's right, my ignorant companions. The mightiest military force on earth could not harm me in life, and you miserable nobodys think you can harm me in death? Bwaa Haa, Bwaa Haa Haa, BWAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!
Fighting back has anger, Don released the still laughing Osama and stood back up. He was finally accepting the fact that being dead was the only thing that could possibly explain all the strange shit that was happening to him.
"Damn, one minute I'm 3 inches from Jessica Alba's mouth, staring at her throat, and the next minute I'm dead and hanging out with one of the biggest mass murders in history. This SUCKS!!!"
Both Osama and Joe stared at Don in disbelief.
"You were really staring into Jessica Alba's mouth at her throat?" they said in unison.
"Uh yeah, why?" Don responded.
"By Allah, I'd have given up all my worldly riches to be able to roll around inside her mouth and stare into the darkness of her sweet throat," sighed Osama.
"I hear you dude," said Joe. "I'd give up a lifetime of righteous waves in Maui for the chance to slide down Jessica's esophagus to her stomach."
They all stared at each other for a second.
"Damn, I do believe we're all would be throat divers!!" said Don.
"Wow man, what are the odds of that?" chuckled Joe.
"Perhaps I judged you both too hastily," said Osama apologetically. Let's continue walking along this path and find out where it leads!!"
"No need for that gentlemen," a voice said from somewhere in the fog. "You've arrived at your destination."
A warm breeze suddenly sprang up, instantly clearing the fog and revealing the source of the voice. It was a balding man with a beard, wearing a long white robe. He was standing outside a gleaming white gate.
"Welcome to the gates of heaven gentlemen. I'm St Peter."
"Wow man, did anybody ever tell you that you look just like George Carlin?" Don exclaimed.
"Only about 100 times a day," sighed St Peter, shaking his head. "Anyway, it's time for the three of you to stand in judgement for the lives you've lead. If you've led good lives, you may pass through the pearly gates to eternal paradise. However, if you've led bad lives, then I'm afraid a much sadder fate awaits you.
The three men looked at each other and trembled.
"OK, the first to stand in judgement will be YOU Osama!!"
A brilliant shaft of light suddenly began shining down from an unknown source.
"Step into the light Osama, and be judged!!"
"Gladly," said a suddenly confidant Osama. "Can we get this over with quickly. I'm anxious to begin getting acquainted with my 72 virgins. Do you have them waiting for me?"
"SILENCE!!," St Peter commanded in a thundering voice. "First you must be judged for the life you've led. Now, STEP INTO THE LIGHT!!".
The confident smirk vanished from Osama's face, and he meekly complied with the order.
St Peter opened up a rather large book and began reading from it, shaking his head and occasionally looking at Osama. After considerable time, he closed the book.
"Osama, after reading about your life and the things that you've done, I can safely say that I have never encountered someone who was such a .. a .."
"LOW LIFE SACK OF SHIT!!" boomed a deep resonating voice that seemed to come from everywhere at once. It shook Osama to the bone.
"The big guy doesn't mince words, does he?. Do you have anything to say in your defense, Osama?"
"Please reconsider your evaluation kind sir!! I am but a faithful servant of Allah who has harmed no one. Others may have performed acts out of some sort of misguided sense that they were following my bidding. However, I myself am innocent of all the heinous acts of which I am accused."
"Osama, Osama, Osama. Remember where you are? You can't hide behind others anymore. It's time for you to take responsibility for your wretched life, and the misery you've inflicted on so many thousands of innocent people."
Osama was beginning to tremble uncontrollably at this point.
"Osama Bin Laden, having been found guilty of living a life devoid of even the minutest shred of decency, you are hereby condemned to spend an eternity of torment and damnation in the bowels of hell."
"Ahhhhh, Please!! I wish to appeal?"
"No Osama, there is no appeal for you. Your judgement is final. PREPARE TO MEET YOUR FATE!!"
A cloud of red smoke erupted in front of Osama. When the smoke cleared, a gigantic humanoid with horns and cloven hooves stood menacingly before the group, glowering at them. Osama was really freaking out now.
"Hey Satan, how they hanging?" St Peter said.
"Not too bad Pete, how about yourself."
"Not bad either. Hey, we've got somebody special for you. Osama here has been condemned to eternal damnation."
"Well, you called the right guy!! Satan's my name, and damnation's my game!! Come on Osama, your sorry ass is mine now!!"
"Hold on a second Satan, we have something special planned for Osama, at least for the first billion years or so. You can do what you want with him after that."
"Sure Pete. What have you got in mind."
"Well, it seems that Osama has this thing about wanting to be swallowed alive by a female. I think we should grant him his wish."
Osama's eyes lit up and he stopped shaking. Spending eternity in a woman's stomach would be wonderful indeed.
"Gee Pete, it sounds like you're thinking of going awful easy on the guy."
"Not really. Come on over here for a second."
Satan walked over to where St Peter was standing, and they began whispering to each other. Suddenly, Satan broke out in booming, wickedly boisterous laughter.
"Man, and I thought I was evil. I think we can handle that. Just a second."
Satan began waving his hands around, and conjured up another large cloud of red smoke. Inside the cloud was a huge slavering hairy beast that oozed malodorous slime from it's pores and all of it's numerous reeking orifices.
"What in the name of Allah is that!!" exclaimed Osama.
That, Osama, is a Snarfeling Groth from the shit bogs of Centauri Prime. It's here to eat you.
"What do you mean!! I thought you said I was to be eaten by a woman."
"I said you were going to be eaten by a female, Osama. Well, that's a female Groth. You're more than welcome to grope around and verify it for yourself if you like. I think she's even a virgin!!"
"There is no way that I'm going to allow myself to be eaten by such a hideous creature. I'm leaving now. Excuse me."
Osama tried to break out of the light that was shining on him, but couldn't. He screamed, he cursed, he cried, all to no avail.
"Osama Bin Laden, this is your special punishment. You will be swallowed by the Groth, and will spend the next ten million years being slowly and painfully digested in the rancid confines of it's hideous stomach. The digestive juices of the Groth are among the most caustic and toxic substances in the universe, instantaneously inducing the feeling of being burned alive as they slowly dissolve it's food cell by cell. Every part of your body will be bathed in unimaginable fire and pain at all times. The smell inside the Groth's stomach is so rancid that you will exist in a perpetual state of nausea, kind of like being kicked non-stop in the balls. Expect to spend the next 10 million years marinating in your own vomit. Once you've been mostly digested, what's left of you will then spend another ten million years moving slowly though the Groth's intestines, encased in steaming acidic shit. Once you're expelled, your atoms will be reassembled, and you will be devoured once again. You will repeat this process 50 times. In the end, you will have spent one billion years in the unimaginably putrid interior of the Groth. After that, Satan can do what he wants with you. Let the punishment begin!!"
Osama trembled in fear as Satan looked at the Groth and pointed in his direction. The Groth emitted a blood curdling shriek and began running toward Osama, it's hideous mouth opened wide. Osama screamed in terror as the Groth picked him up in it's slimy paws. Suddenly, it vomited some vile red substance onto Osama's head, causing it to begin dissolving on contact. The screeching villain writhed in tortured anguish as the Groth dangled him by the legs over it's mouth, stuffed him head first down it's reeking throat, and then swallowed. It belched loudly when Osama arrived in it's stomach, his blood curdling screams still plainly audible, even from inside the Groth's huge body. Then, Satan waved his hands and the Groth disappeared in a puff of red smoke.
Don and Joe's eye's bulged as they watched in horror at the horrific fate that had befallen Osama.
"Is that it Pete?" Satan said, looking at the other two guys.
"Yeah, that's it for right now Satan."
"OK, I'm outta here. Take care!!"
With that, Satan disappeared in yet another red cloud of smoke.
"OK, so much for Osama," said St Pete, rubbing his hands. "Now, I believe it's your turn Joe. Walk into the light and prepare to be judged!!"
Joe began trembling as he slowly moved into the light. St Peter opened up another book and began reading from it. As he did, he alternately laughed and frowned. Finally, he put the book down.
"Joe Bascom, having read the book of your life, it is determined that you were basically a decent person who was a little too greedy and selfish at times. Therefore, you may not pass through the Pearly Gates ...."
Joe trembled even more.
"... YET!!"
Joe breathed a sigh of relief.
"Does that mean there's hope for me?"
"Yes. You'll have to do a short stint in purgatory, after which you'll be allowed to pass through the gates. We figure that about one thousand years should be sufficient."
"A thousand years!!" exclaimed Joe.
"Relax!! What's a thousand years when compared with eternity. It'll fly right by."
"OK. It doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way. I'm curious. Was there anything in particular that counted against me?"
"Well Joe, the Big Bopper might have let you slide if it hadn't been for the fact that you didn't ever share any songs when you were downloading MP3's from the internet."
"NOBODY LIKES A LEECH!!" boomed a deep voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
"But, sharing slowed my downloads!!" protested Joe.
"Joe, Joe, Joe!! It's that attitude that got you in trouble in the first place. The big guy himself was downloading all of your rare Led Zeppelin bootlegs a few months ago when you cut him off."
"I disconnected God?" Joe exclaimed. "You mean you guys are on the internet up here?"
"Who do you think invented it, Al Gore? Of course we're on the internet. You wouldn't believe the download speeds we get. Talk about bandwidth!! Of course, in purgatory you can only connect at 14.4"
"Noooooooo!!" exclaimed Joe. "Not 14.4!!"
"That's the price you pay for being selfish. But hey, it's only for 1000 years. Then, if you're good, you'll get to come back here and experience all sorts of great stuff, like the Circle of Throats."
"CIRCLE OF THROATS?" said Don and Joe in wide eyed unison.
"Ooops, I didn't mean to let that slip out of the bag Joe, Sorry. You're going to have to wait a while to find out what that is."
"Please!! Tell me now!!!" Joe pleaded.
If you behave, you'll find out in a thousand years. Think of it as a juicy incentive, a VERY ... juicy ... incentive."
"Juicy?" whimpered Joe.
"Uh Huh!! Just try not to think to much about it. Anyway, it's about time for you to head off to purgatory. Are you ready?"
"I guess so," Joe sighed. "I sure would like to know more about the Circle of Throats though."
"Well, given the fact that you constantly fantasize about being swallowed alive by women, and given that this is Heaven, then ..."
Joe was perplexed. Then, suddenly, a big smile appeared on his face.
"I didn't want you to leave totally bummed out Joe. Now, be good and I'll see you in a thousand years. Then we can talk some more about womens' throats."
St Peter waved his hand, and Joe vanished in a puff of white smoke.
"OK Don, I guess that just leaves you. Please walk into the circle of light to be judged."
Don entered the light and waited anxiously as St Peter read the book of his life. It seemed to take him forever, but in reality it was only a few minutes. When he had finished, he put the book down and looked sternly at Don. Then, his frown turned into a big smile.
"Congratulations Don, you made it! Welcome to Heaven!!
Don breathed a huge sigh of relief. When he'd seen the initial frown on St Peter's face, he figured he was screwed.
"Wow, you kind of had me worried there for a minute."
"Yeah, I really shouldn't do that. But, you gotta admit, it makes things more exiting!!"
"I'll say. Now, about the Circle of Throats ..."
"Ah yes, the Circle of Throats!! Well Don, it's a little treat that we reserve for new arrivals who have demonstrated a special appreciation for the big guy's most glorious creation, the female mouth.
Don could hear the sweet sound of feminine giggling coming from the other side of the gleaming pearly gates.
"I believe some of the girls have found out about your arrival. They sound hungry Don, and it wouldn't be polite to keep them waiting. Shall we?" St Peter said, gesturing toward the slowly opening gates.
As Don walked toward the entrance, he had to initially shield his eyes from the blinding light that lay beyond. However, as his eyes slowly acclimated to the gleaming brilliance, he gasped at what he saw just inside the gates. Directly ahead of him was a gargantuan, wide open female mouth, it's luscious pink tongue thrust outside of it like a juicy red carpet, waiting to usher him inside it's saliva drenched interior. Don had often imagined what a woman's throat would look like on an IMAX screen. Now he knew, as he stood in awe while gazing deep into the beckoning maw.
"Now Sheila, how many times do I have to tell you that it's against the rules to eat new arrivals until I've had a chance to explain to them how things work here?" St Peter said in mock anger.
"Oh PLEASE Petie," the girl pleaded, "Can't I just keep him in my stomach for a little while? I'm sooooooo hungry!!"
"You'll have plenty of chances to eat him later on. Now, run along and find somebody else to gulp down. I have to introduce Don to the indescribable pleasures of The Circle of Throats."
Don quivered all over at what he had just seen and heard. His knees were noticeably shaking as he watched Sheila dejectedly fade into nothingness.
"Gee St Peter, it would have been OK for her to eat me. Can we call her back?"
"Hey Don, just call me Pete. That saint stuff is just for the other side of the gates. And, don't worry about Sheila. She's probably already found somebody else to eat. Did you like her throat?"
"Uh, yeah. Are there more babes here like here?"
"Oh man, you have no idea!! Every hungry chick from every planet in the universe since the beginning of time is here, and they're just dying to eat YOU!!! They're all looking for guys who'll stay in their stomachs until the end of time. They can be very persuasive."
"Wow, I'll bet. I'd have dived down Sheia's throat in a heartbeat."
"That was her plan. She wanted to get you in her tummy before I had a chance to show you the Circle of Throats."
"You keep talking about that, and I'm going crazy wanting to know what it is."
"Are you sure you're ready for it?"
"Hey man, I'm dying here!! Please let me see the Circle of Throats!!!" Don whimpered.
"OK Don, your wish is my command. Be forewarned that it's a good thing that you're already deceased, because what you're about to see would probably blow all of a living man's circuits. Are you ready?"
"YEEEEEESSSSSS!!!" Don said, trembling with expectation.
"OK girls, it's time to introduce Don to a little slice of Heaven!!"
As Don watched expectantly, the mist all around him began to swirl madly. Before long, he saw the tops of six heads begin to slowly rise from the mist beneath him. Soon, he could see foreheads, and then eyebrows, and then six sets of hungry feminine eyes, all fixed on him. Before long, he could see their noses, then their ... LUSCIOUS LIPS!! They stopped rising at that point, and began simultaneously licking their lips slowly and sensuously. Dons knees shook as he realized that he was completely surrounded by gorgeous, gargantuan women, all of whom he would love to be eaten by.
St. Peter smiled as he watched Don's reaction to his little initiation ritual. He'd done this countless millions of times, and never grew tired of it.
"So, what do you think? Can you picture yourself sliding down any of these yummy ladies throats? I'm sure you've already figured out that they all want to eat you."
"Yeah, you bet!!" Don exclaimed. "What happens next?"
"That's easy. You just have to decide which one of these sweeties you want to be eaten by. Girls, why don't you see if you can help him make a decision."
On que, the women all flung their mouths open wide, giving Don a 360 degree panoramic view of six of the most gorgeous throats in all creation. No matter which way he turned, there was another saliva drenched uvula dangling in front of him. Don was momentarily struck speechless.
"There you go Don. All you have to do now is decide which throat you like to slide down, and dive right in."
"But how do I make a choice like this?" Don said in a panicked voice. "I'd want all of them to eat me!!"
"Not a problem. Remember, you've got an eternity to sample all their stomachs. these babes and billions of others will be chasing you around until the end of time trying to eat you. You'll get tired of it after a while."
"NO WAY!!!" Don exclaimed.
"I didn't think so," St Peter responded knowingly.
Suddenly, they heard a woman's voice coming from outside the Circle of Throats.
"Oh Petie, are you hiding from me in there? You know that it's time for me to eat you, and that I don't like to be kept waiting!!!"
A few seconds later, an unbelievably gorgeous woman wearing a shimmering silk gown materialized in the circle.
"Sorry to keep you waiting Cleopatra, but I'm just showing Don here some of the pleasures he has to look forward to. I'll be right with you."
"Wow Pete, is that THE Cleopatra. She's really hot!!!"
"The one and only!! You haven't been eaten until you've been eaten by her. I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave you on your own for now. Don't worry, I'm sure you won't have any trouble figuring out what to do next. You can't possibly make a bad choice. Remember, all these babes would like you to stay in their stomachs forever, so, they'll do anything to make you happy. Bon appetite ladies!!!"
With that, St Peter turned to Cleopatra, who opened her mouth expectantly, like a baby bird waiting to be fed. In a flash, he shrank to six inches high and flung himself headfirst into the crimson darkness of her beckoning throat. She quickly swallowed, and Don watched in awe as a large lump traveled down her neck and disappeared into her exquisite torso.
"Well, it was nice meeting you Don. Maybe we can do ... LUNCH ... sometime!!" Cleopatra said hungrily, devouring him with her eyes. Then she vanished as quickly as she had appeared.
Don was now all alone in the circle, surrounded by indescribably luscious mouths, all begging him to just dive in and be eaten. By now, all of the mouths were drenched with gallons of sweet saliva, and the women had all begun moaning softly to entice him inside them. He wanted to dive into one of them immediately, but WHICH ONE? How was he ever going to choose? At that moment, all six women suddenly extended their tongues toward him and began gently licking him up and down, caressing him with both the tops and bottoms of their tongues, and marinating him in a delightful mixture of their gooey saliva. Then they pulled their tongues back and waited.
That was more than Don could bear. He couldn't wait any longer. Like St Peter had said, he couldn't possibly make a bad decision. With that, he began spinning himself around and around like a top, gazing alternately at all six of the incredibly gorgeous throats as he rotated. Then, he simply flung himself into one of the yummy pink mouths. He landed on the soft, glistening tongue with a soft splat, and his momentum caused him to slide along its entire length until he was stopped by a mammoth uvula. The woman emitted a gleeful noise from the depths of her throat as she realized that Don had chosen her for his first excursion into digestive bliss. She then tilted her head steeply back, causing Don to slide completely to the back of her throat. Then she swallowed oh so gently, sending him sliding quickly down her esophagus. Before he knew it, he was inside her stomach, totally surrounded by undulating pink walls of convoluted flesh.
Don immediately plopped over on his belly and buried his hands and face in the mucous covered surface of the stomach.
"The must be heaven man!!" he exclaimed as he rolled around in glee. The woman that had just eaten Don sensed his ecstasy, and immediately began thinking of ways to induce him to stay inside her forever. In that instant, Don looked toward the entrance to her intestines and saw something forming. It was a bubbling hot tub!! Don loved hot tubs.
"Wow, it CAN'T be," he thought as he began slowly crawling along the slippery stomach wall toward the steaming tub. When he reached it, he pulled himself up and realized that it was real."
"Go ahead," he could hear a seductive feminine voice saying. "Hop on in. The water's great!!"
Don didn't need any more persuading. He quickly hopped into the bubbling water, stretched out, and uttered a contented sigh.
"Man, I could stay here forever" he thought to himself. "The only thing that could possibly make this better would be a nice cold bottle of brew. Almost before the thought could escape from his brain, he felt a coldness in his right hand. He looked and saw that it was holding an ice cold bottle of Heineken. An assortment of munchies had also mysteriously appeared.
"Wow, now if only ....."
He didn't even have a chance to finish his thought this time. Instantly, a superb high-definition big screen TV materialized in front of him.
"THE CUBS WIN THE SERIES ... THE CUBS WIN THE SERIES!!!" the announcer screamed excitedly. Don knew he was in heaven now, because there was no way the Cubs were ever going to win the series in the living world.
"This is great!!" he thought to himself as he took a hearty slug of beer and munched on a pretzel. "I don't ever want to leave."
Just as he was getting really comfy, he heard a noise coming from behind him. He turned around just in time to see St Peter emerge from the woman's esophagus and plop down in her stomach.
"Hey Pete, good to see you again. This is everything I ever dreamed it would be. You were right about not being able to make a bad decision up there. This chick really knows how to eat a guy."
"Well, she's had a lot of practice Don," St Peter said as he hoisted himself up and meandered over to the hot tub."
"Want a beer? They don't cost nothin'," Don said, repeating a line from one of his favorite movies.
"Don't mind if I do," Pete said as he hopped into the tub.
"So, you're kinda digging this, huh?"
"Oh man, it's unbelievable. Being eaten was just awesome. So, you were saying that there's billions of chicks out there that want to swallow me?"
"That's right Don. There's no need for you to stay in one place for very long," Pete said. His comments immediately elicited a loud squeal of protest from the woman whose stomach they were luxuriating in.
"Ooops, I guess I said that a little too loud. Anyway, this is just a taste of what this place has to offer."
"Gee, I can't wait to find out. I definitely want to look up those other five babes and slide down their throats too."
"You can do that Don, but unfortunately you're going to have to wait for a few more years."
"What?" Don exclaimed in a shocked voice. "I thought I passed all the tests and everything. You're not sending me to purgatory are you?"
"No, No, nothing like that. However I've got some bad news, or some good news, depending on your perspective"
"What is it?" Don said in a panicked tone.
"Relax Don, everything's going to be OK ... eventually. I'll get straight to the point. It seems that we somehow screwed up. You aren't exactly dead yet, so, we have to send you back."
"WHAT!!!! NOOOOO!!!! You can't!!!!!!"
"Sorry man, but them's the rules. The only thing we can figure is that when you looked into Jessica Alba's mouth, your heart stopped long enough for you to be summoned here. It happens from time to time. Hey, if I was alive and looked into a mouth like that, my heart would've probably stopped too. Anyway, all you gotta do is not mess up for a few more years and you'll be right back here. The girls will be waiting for you"
"But I don't want to go back," Don blubbered.
"Hey, look at it positively. At least you got to experience a taste of what you can expect later on. Now come on, let's get going. You heart's due to start back up any second now and we have to get you back in your body. Up, up, up!!!"
Don reluctantly got out of the hot tub and took one last, longing look at the interior of the woman's stomach. The next instant, he was once again standing outside the pearly gates. There was a long line of people queued up, all waiting to be judged.
"Ok Don, this is it for now. When you get back, all of this will seem like it was a dream to you. Just remember to lead a good life, and I guarantee that sometime in the future we'll be meeting up in the bellies of some truly hot babes. I've got some stuff to show you that'll knock your socks off. Remember, the world is full of women who'd love to eat you if they could, and most of them will wind up here eventually. Just a little something to think about to keep you on the straight and narrow path. Take care Don!!"
Before Don could respond, he was jolted by what felt like a lightning bolt.
"CLEAR!! Ok, let's hit him one more time. No, wait!! I think he's breathing again. Hey man, can you hear me.
Don slowly emerged from unconsciousness and looked up into the face of a paramedic who was holding a pair of defibrillater paddles in his hands.
"What the fuck happened?" Don mumbled. "Where am I?"
"Oh my God, is he OK?" an excited female voice exclaimed from across the room. Don looked in the direction of the voice and saw Jessica Alba, and remembered what had happened.
"He's going to be just fine miss, but we're going to have to take him to the hospital for observation."
The paramedics then hoisted Don onto a stretcher, whisked him outside to the waiting ambulance, and quickly transported him to the hospital. The next day, he was cleared for release.
"Do you have anybody coming to pick you up?" the nurse at the desk asked.
"No, I think I'll just call a taxi to take me to the airport," Don replied.
"I'll take care of him!!" a voice said. Don and the nurse turned around to see Jessica Alba approaching them. "The least I can do is give him a ride to the airport."
"Wow, Thanks!!" Don said happily.
"No problem!! My car's parked out front."
Don hopped in Jessica's car, and they sped off to the airport. Don had spent the previous night dreaming about all sorts of crazy things, including Jessica's throat. He was ecstatic to be able to spend some time chatting with her before he had to leave. In less than a half hour, she had arrived at the terminal.
"Well, thanks for a really memorable time," Don said. "I know I'll certainly never forget it."
"I'm happy that you're happy!! Thank goodness you're OK. I was really worried about you."
"I'll be fine now. Thanks for the ride," Don said as he reached for the door latch. Before he could open the door, Jessica reached over, grabbed his arm, and looked into his eyes.
"I know the real reason why you entered that contest. I just want you to know that if I could, I would devour you in a heartbeat. I'd love to swallow you whole and alive, and feel you sliding down my throat to my stomach. I'd like to keep you there and ever so slowly digest you. I just thought you should know that before you leave," she purred, sending shivers down his spine with her predatory gaze."
"Uhh .. uhhh .. uhhh .. gaaaa," Jerry mumbled unintelligibly. He wasn't quite prepared for what he had just heard.
"You'd better hurry up and catch your plane Donald. Have a nice flight.!!"
Don got out of the car and waved goodby to Jessica as she sped away. He then stumbled into the airport and walked slowly toward his departure gate, all the while reflecting on all the strange shit that had happened to him in the past 24 hours. The dreams last night had been weird enough, but having Jessica Alba say that she'd like to eat him was totally over the top. He was happy to just board the plane, strap himself in, and relax. Before long, the plane was in the air.
About 15 minutes into the flight, Don noticed that it felt like he was sitting on something hard. he felt around at the seat cushion, but could find nothing. Then he reached into his back pocket and pulled out ... two Heineken bottle caps.
"That's strange," he thought. "I don't recall drinking any brewskis on this trip."
Then he remembered his weird dream, and sitting in the hot tub with Saint Peter. He was momentarily stunned as he sat there recalling the dream, and was oblivious to the fact that the stewardess was trying to get his attention.
"Excuse me sir, would you like me to eat you?"
"Huh, what?" Don said in a startled tone.
"Would you like something to eat?" the stewardess said. "We have beef or chicken sandwiches."
"Nah, I think I'll just try to grab a nap. Thanks anyway"
"Well, if there's anything I can do for you, just let me know" she said, flashing the same steamy expression in her eyes that he'd seen in Jessica's. Don's heart was pounding a mile a minute as he watched her move away from him down the aisle. He realized that he was exhausted, and needed some shut eye real bad.
Don grabbed a couple of pillows and tried to get as comfortable as one could in a cattle class airplane seat. Before long, he was sound asleep and surrounded once again by the Circle of Throats. He thought he detected the faint sounds of a man's tortured screams coming from far away, but he was oblivious to them. He had much more pleasant things to ponder.