Alex sat behind a microscope, studying samples of the Crystal Light while Cordelia and Liz sat on either side of him. Andy sat down next to Cordelia’s white handbag, resting his head against it and staring up at the cracks in the ceiling like he always did in science class.

“There is something strange here…” Alex mumbled, half to himself. “Tiny blue crystals. Have a look.” He pulled his stool away from the desk and Cordelia put her eye over the lens.

“They look like crystals,” she said. “but they’re so small.”

“And getting smaller,” Alex remarked.

Cordelia looked again. Sure enough, the tiny crystals were breaking apart in the water; one crystal became two, each of those became two more, and so on until they were all but gone, save for the occasional glimmer in the water like dying stars in the night sky.

“Does that mean I’m going to keep getting smaller until I disappear!?” Andy exclaimed.

Alex scratched his mullet. “Only if we’re lucky.”

Cordelia slapped him upside the head.

“Ow. Sorry, I get the urge to put down idiots whenever I can. Now…uh…where was I? Oh, yes. Andy, the shrinking happened instantly, correct?”

“Well, yeah… I was big and then I instantly started shrinking.”

“I mean, did you instantly go from being normal size to tiny?”

Andy started to speak, but Cordelia put her hand over his mouth and cut him off. “Enough. We’ve been wasting way too many pages bantering back and forth like this.”

“You mean minutes, right?” Alex asked.

“What?”

“We’ve been wasting too many minutes. You said ‘pages’.”

“Oh, right,” Cordelia muttered. “…Anyway, Alex, here’s the story. I was with Andy in the kitchen when he was normal size, helping him to concoct his horrible drink. But I had to get changed, so I left him for two minutes, and when I came back he was the size of a bug.”

Alex nodded, deep in thought.

“Which…he still is…”

Alex nodded again.

“I…almost stepped on him.”

Another nod.

“…That’s it…”

She stared at Alex. He was still only nodding, slightly licking his upper lip.

“So...” he finally said, swallowing hard. “How close did you get to crushing him?  Has this happened more than once? Third time's the charm.”

Andy glared at him. “Are you getting off on this!? Let me at him, Cordelia! I’ll pound his geeky face in!”

Andy started running for the edge of the table, but Cordelia just pressed her index finger into his face and restrained him, pinning him against her handbag. She put her other index finger to her lips, signaling him to hush, even though he couldn’t see her with her finger jammed up his eye sockets.

“Can you make an antidote?” Cordelia asked, turning towards Alex but keeping her finger against Andy.

“I’d have to take this stuff home and look at it in my private lab, but… Yes, I think I can.”

Andy finally managed to squirm out of Cordelia’s wall of flesh. “You do this, nerd, and I’ll never throw you in your locker and hurl it off the roof of the school again!”

“Actually,” Alex grinned, “I was hoping to get a little satisfaction from the lady.”

Wrapping her arms around him, Liz swayed her hips. “I’ll give you a chocolatey kiss.”

“…I meant the other lady.” He looked to Cordelia.

She stared back. “…What? I’m not touching you.”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of that,” he scoffed. “My satisfaction rests on a different level. I want you to admit that I'm right about the unchanging state of mind of the bourgeoisie oppressors. Admit that you do nothing but demand work from the lower classes and expect to have to do nothing in return. You're just as bad as Liz is in your own way, you know. You capitalists are all alike. Admit me that and I may consider helping you.”

“Hell no.”

“…Fine, if you will not denounce your capitalist ways, then I shall require the following. First off, I demand hot pockets—chicken fajita, if possible. I will require red bull, Star Trek DVDs, and furthermore, you must take back all the things you have said about us brainy kids over the years—for, while you may decide our fate in these hallowed halls, it is us who shall be running the world in about…” He looked at his watch. “Oh, about ten years.”

“Your watch tells time in years?” Liz asked.

Alex raised his finger, ready to say something, but stopped. “…One moment.” Then he stood up and nodded to Cordelia. “This afternoon then. At my place?”

“Yes, okay. How do I get there?”

“From the cafeteria, head down the hall, take a left at the bathroom, and you'll reach a broom closet. Address number 183. Knock three times, hoot like an owl, and I shall appear. …Come alone.”

“Can I come?” Liz asked.

“I’m not even going to give her the benefit of answering that,” Alex continued. “Now, Cordelia, be there sometime this afternoon, for I must be somewhere in the evening.”

Liz giggled. “Got a big date with your sister?”

“With your mother, actually.”

“Moooooommy!” Liz screamed, running out the door.

“This afternoon then?” Cordelia asked, scribbling the address, directions, and time down on the back of the sticky note.

Alex nodded once. “Yes. …Now, I must retire.”

“But class isn’t over for another twenty minutes.”

“Yes, and within that time, ‘Butthead’ and ‘the Ram’ will have blown this place sky high. And I, being the one with crimes of arson on my wrap-sheet, will be blamed. Andy, avoid the shrimp in the cafeteria today; I hear it's rather bitter. Be thankful I'm helping you and not smashing you. Cordelia, thou havest heart, but lackest moral fiber. With any luck, this experience shall change that. Liz...you may be gone from the room, but you're still a bitch. Until later, ladies and gentle-shrimp, I bed you adieu.”

With that, he was gone.

“I’m still pounding in his face when I return to normal size,” Andy said bitterly.

Cordelia sighed. “I guess we better get out of here too. Want a ride on my shoulder?”

“Hell yeah!”

Cordelia grinned, picking up Andy and dropping him back into her handbag. The sticky note followed and she zipped up the bag, slinging the strap over her shoulder. “I prefer to go with the indirect approach.”

She strolled out the doorway, bumping into Miss Kray on the way. Miss Kray stopped. She looked back at Cordelia, ambling down the empty hallway, and then into her classroom, which was almost all empty except for Zeith passed out on the floor and Butthead and the Ram rubbing various flammable chemicals over their clothing while placing lit matches through various holes on their body.

An explosion shortly followed suit.