They just gawked at each other for a minute or two, both amazed at the other’s sheer size, until Andy finally shifted uncomfortably as he realized he wasn’t going to win this stare-down.

“You win,” he sighed.

Cordelia’s mouth was gaping open, but it still took awhile for her to respond. When she finally did, it came out meekly. “I don’t even know where to begin… How’d you get so small? Is it permanent? How are you going to survive? How are—”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Andy made a puppet with his hand to mock her. “Cordelia, let’s focus on the present already. Practice begins in thirty minutes!”

“Practice!?” she exclaimed, rising up from her kneeling position so fast that the wind knocked Andy over. “Did your brain shrink too? In case you haven’t noticed, you’re about the size of a bug. And the last time I checked, bugs don’t play football.”

“But this is the year of the…”

“Wolves, I know. Look, Andy, the wolves are going to have to pee on their territory without you. Until we restore you back to normal size, we’re not leaving this house. …Well, not until cheerleading practice at seven.”

“Great. You get to go to practice and I don’t. But when the Wolves lose their first game because of you, you’re going to have a lot of angry jocks nipping at your heels, little girl!”

Cordelia only snickered. “I don’t think ‘little girl’ is a good baby name for me anymore. Maybe I’ll start calling you ‘little boy’. How does that sound?”

“Would you just get me back to my normal size?” Andy sighed.

“Sure, let me run up to the bathroom and get my magical growing cream. It always works on shrunken people.”

“Okay.”

“That was sarcasm, Andy.”

“Can you at least get me off the floor? I don’t want to get stepped on.”

“Your wish is my command,” Cordelia shrugged, falling back onto her knees. She laid her left hand, palm side up, on the floor. “All aboard, shrimp.”

Somewhat nervous, Andy hoisted himself up onto the palm and found himself sliding towards the middle as Cordelia slowly curled her fingers to form a sort of cup with her hand. Andy plopped down, embarrassed by his new size, as Cordelia lifted him off the floor, her hand like an elevator, and gently laid it down on the counter.

“You’re only about the size of my pinky,” Cordelia laughed, her free hand tucked under her chin and her elbow against the countertop. “You probably won’t be wanting your class ring back now.”

Andy hopped off her hand onto the cold blue marble of the counter. “Forget the ring. I think it was that power shake that made me shrink.”

“Mmhm… I told you those shakes were useless. Look at the size of your muscles now.” She pinched his arms, which only caused him to flail them wildly and stumble backwards into the napkin holder. Cordelia laughed.

“I’m glad one of us is getting a kick out of this,” Andy mumbled, rubbing his upper arm. “Now hang on. I’m trying to remember what I put in the drink…”

“Tabasco sauce.”

“And milk… And a bunch of fruit…”

While Andy pondered his many thoughts, Cordelia walked over to the refrigerator, tore off a sticky note from one of the magnets, and grabbed the pen out of its holder. She came back. Laying the paper down next to Andy, she began scribbling down the ingredients. “Tabasco sauce… Milk… I know you had apples and bananas in there. What about strawberries?”

“Yeah.”

“Oranges. I saw the peels.”

“And grapes. Oh, and a kiwi.”

“You ate my kiwi!? I hate you, Andy.”

“And blueberries!”

“And blueberries,” Cordelia muttered, scribbling it down. “And let’s not forget the Crystal Light.”

“Yeah, that stuff was gross.”

“Oh, gee, I’m sooo sorry you didn’t like my food. Maybe next time you’ll go to your own house and make your own ‘power shake’ in your own blender.”

“Are you mad at me, babe?”

“You ate my kiwi… Jerk.” She dropped the pen, purposely aiming for Andy, but he dodged it just in time. She paid no mind as she began reading off her list. “Tabasco sauce, milk, apples, bananas, strawberries, oranges, grapes, …kiwi, blueberries, and Crystal Light. That makes one really disgusting drink, Andy.”

“And apparently a shrinking potion as well!”

“I wonder if it was one particular ingredient or a combination of all them combined…”

“Maybe one of the fruits came from a crop field visited by aliens and they made all the food radioactive!”

“And Andy scores another for the Team of Stupid Answers to Life’s Mysteries.”

“You have any better ideas?”

“They couldn’t be worse.”

“What don’t you try eating each of the ingredients?” Andy suggested.

“Yeah!” Cordelia exclaimed with sarcasm pouring out her lips. “Then I can shrink too and we can spend the rest of our lives feasting off crumbs and dodging feet! I couldn’t think of a better way to live my life.”

“I’m going to have to do it…”

“Yeah, but I really don’t care about you.”

“Thanks, Cori.”

Cordelia picked up the pen and began twirling it around her fingers, first between her thumb and index finger, then between her index finger and middle finger, and then continuing to the rest of her fingers and back again. She hummed. “No… We’ll get one of your goofy friends over here to try each of the foods. Who cares if he shrinks?”

“Nice try, but all my friends are at the football field waiting for me. And if I don’t show up, they won’t be my friends for long.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be your only friend.”

“You’re kind of a bitchy friend.”

“And you’re kind of a squishy friend. I wonder which of us would win in a fight.”

“Okay, okay,” Andy held up his hands. “Look, all the guys are at practice. Just get one of your ditzy friends to come over. What about Elizabeth? She probably won’t notice a two-inch man running around. Hell, she wouldn’t notice a semi if it hit her…”

“Liz could kick your ass. Oh, I know! I’m going to give Shannon a call.”

“My ex!? Are you insane?”

“I bet she’d just looove to see you now! Haha.” She reached for the phone hanging on the wall. “Come on, Andy. Beg me to stop.”

“You’re not that cruel.”

“You know me too well.” Her arm fell limp at her side and she clicked the pen open with her other hand as she scanned down the ingredient list. “Well… I had at least a bite of all those fruits before you came over. The milk, too. And I didn’t shrink.”

“You’ve just always been short,” Andy grinned.

Cordelia took the time to poke his belly with the tip of the pen before returning to the list. “Unless you happened to get the bad apple of the bunch. Or banana… Or orange… And that Tabasco sauce has been in there forever. Maybe it developed some…uh, shrinking properties over time.”

“That makes sense. Not.”

“Makes about as much sense as me not squishing a bug who talks back.”

“What about the Crystal Light? That stuff was sick.”

“But I’ve had it plenty of times… And it’s not sick!”

“But maybe it had some sort of chemical erection with the other stuff…”

“That’s chemical ‘reaction’, dumb ass.”

“How would I know? I hate chemistry.”

“We’ve only had it for one day so far… And I don’t think you’ll be coming to class tomorrow.”

“Good. I could get used to life like this. No more teachers, no more books…”

“Then again,” Cordelia pondered aloud, pressing the end of the pen to her chin, “maybe we could get one of the science geeks in the class to examine your so-called ‘power drink’. They could figure out what went wrong.”

“You want to put my life in the hands of a pimple-faced, ass-kissing, glasses-wearing, greasy-haired, ‘I-won’t-date-a-girl-until-I’m-forty-seven’ pipsqueak?”

“Do you want to stay small forever?”

“No…”

“Pipsqueak it is then!”

“Great,” Andy mumbled. He turned towards the clock and realized practice had started four minutes ago. “My life as a normal boy just trying to make his way in the world is officially over.”

“Oh, please,” Cordelia rolled her eyes.