I looked at the portal in front of me while standing in the middle of my attic. The portal itself had no colour or any particular form to it. Instead what I could see was the dark storage room on the other side in an oval shape, the portal itself was like a window or a tear in space-time that was always continuously open. No matter what angle I looked at it, the scene was always the same and we could always enter it from any angle (and we would always exit from the same angle we entered). On the other side of the portal it was the same thing; we would always see the same static image of our attic. We had for a long while tried to understand what this was all about.

We tried for instance entering the portal world and tracking down some scientists from very scientifically and technologically advanced parallel universes to investigate the portal. These scientists could never enter it; they would simply bump up against it like the portal entrance was a solid object. They could see what was on the other side and they were able to travel freely between parallel worlds that were not our home universe, but anything that led to our home universe was inaccessible to them. In addition to the portal we even tried investigating the nature of our reality altering powers and abilities. No scientific mind could explain it, no matter what nothing we did followed any real discernible law of nature except for that of pure logic. We could do just about anything that our minds were capable of imagining or grasping, our abilities made a mockery of the laws of physics, as long as it didn’t involve anything to do with our home universe in which case we were basically impotent.

After a while we gave up in frustration trying to understand it. What was going on? Who knows? Maybe it was a simulated reality where we had super user access, maybe it was a fluke in the fabric of reality at the quantum level, maybe we were just given these powers by God or a powerful wizard or we were just the products of another’s imagination. For all of our great powers and abilities, we were no closer to knowing how we got them. In the end it is perhaps not such a great idea to look a gift horse in the mouth. We had both resolved not to spend too much time and effort investigating this mystery, especially when there was so much fun to be had instead, like the fun we were going to have when I stepped through that portal.

I arrived inside of the dark and empty storage room of the starting building. I walked to the door and opened it and what greeted me was a red corridor, blood was splattered all over the walls as far as I could see. It seems that Alice couldn’t even wait to exit the building before starting her supersized rampage. I walked further down the corridor, being careful not to slip on the blood all around me. I entered the lobby of the building and saw several corpses; many of them had strands of red hair wrapped around their necks or even their whole bodies. I reached down and touched one of the bundles of red hair and it suddenly sprung to life, swirling all around me menacingly before it moved to a nearby window, smashing its way through it and moving out of sight. The first lesson: My wife’s hair is alive and can kill people and destroy things.

I stepped outside and saw the area devoid of human life, there were smashed cars, pockmarked buildings and bodies strewn all about. I could see bundles of her hair which got progressively bigger as I began my run. The road beneath me was cracked and deformed with hairs sticking out of the cracks like overgrown vegetation, adorned in some cases with impaled buses, cars and even a subway train car. In most of these I could still see or hear that people were still inside these impaled vehicles, alive and pleading for help as either the doors were jammed or they faced the prospect of being splattered on the ground from jumping from over a hundred feet in the air. I saw in another case a man and woman trying to climb down some of her hairs, but the moment they touched the hairs themselves, the bundle sprang to life, and threw them both off with a force that sent them both flying into a skyscraper, where their screams of terror were replaced by a sudden silence. The second lesson: Her hair has a mind of its own and it doesn’t like to be touched.

I pressed on, deeper into the city, trying to avoid making any physical contact with the hair myself. I reached a highway packed with a traffic jam of cars tangled hopelessly in several tons of hair that wrapped itself around the stranded vehicles in endless, gigantic knots. It completely blocked my path so I started running to the right where I saw a narrow passage created by two walls of red hair on either side. I started running through, but just as I reached the end my left elbow touched the hair. At first nothing happened and I kept on running but then a long strand of hair burst from the tarmac below in front of me and grabbed me by the legs and chest. I yelped in frustration as it tied itself around me, pinning my arms and legs together. Just as I was thinking of ending the run and conceding defeat, another, smaller bundle of hair emerged from the ground and approached my face, waving at me briefly until it started slowly lowering itself, forcing its way into my gym shorts until it touched my dick and began to encircle it, tickling me to the point of an erection. I could hear my wife’s booming laughter, loud enough to shake the ground as her living hair began giving me a hand job (or hair job). After a minute I finally came, sending a small stream of white onto the pavement as I was released from my bonds.

I started running again, making extra special sure not to touch her hair again, knowing my wife, I suspected that the next trap wouldn’t be so pleasurable. I ran towards the finish line which featured larger and larger stands of hair, one single hair was so thick, the diameter of it filled all six lanes of a highway overpass. I passed a row of suburban houses with a giant hair comb resting on top of a two storey house. I could now see the finish line, blocked by a strand of hair as tall as I was. I looked for a possible way around but found nothing, as the strand extended beyond my line of sight on both the left and right. I thought about maybe trying to find an opening but as I turned back I saw a sight that would force me to make a decision quickly. In the distance I could see a massive wall of red hair, as large as the tallest building in the city rolling towards me. Everything in its path was swept away, lost within the vast and unbreakable fibres as hundreds of buildings and thousands of people was abruptly covered by the relentlessly moving wall, roaring like a tsunami.

On seeing my wife’s hairy apocalypse I decided to risk it by climbing up onto the hair itself and then dropping down onto the finish line. As soon as I hit the ground the wall of red behind me came to life and completely surrounded and captured me from the neck down. “Well done Tom, that took you thirty-four minutes and forty five seconds” the voice of my wife boomed overhead as I was lifted up into the air. I got one last look at the city below before being forcibly turned around to face Alice; my wife’s red hair now covered the entire urban area, stopping its spread at the city limits itself. I was now being lifted up by my wife’s red hair, to gaze at her mile high nude body; she had more than just the Daily Run planned for me today.