Hello again, this time from a place much better prepared to write than the cabinet of a bathroom that is too small for a future Akken like me! I am now finally at my old home, writing from nothing more and nothing less than my old computer! It's ... much smaller than I remembered, although technically I'm much bigger than when I spent whole nights playing FFXIV. 

As soon as I can I will write again from my holographic phone.

Disappointments continue for me unfortunately, the meeting/special surprise for my parents has been less surprising than expected ... or technically more? I'm sure my parents weren't expecting to see me here on Earth, and I'm even more sure they weren't expecting a patrol car to bring me home… again. God ... you can't imagine how red I was because of shame!

I'm also sure they weren't expecting to see me so… big so soon, which would explain the mixed emotions on my parents' faces. I don't blame them, it must have been a shock to see me get out of the patrol car almost having to crawl while Agent Eric (who should mention that he is my "godfather" or at least that he likes to joke about the many times he picked up my brothers and me when we were children) was smiling leaning on the hood of the car. 

Let it be between us but I would swear I had read a similar scene on the internet when I was young ... oh well, the important thing is that I was able to fulfill one of my dreams when I returned to Earth. 

Let me put you in a situation so that you can judge: As soon as I made my biggest contortion to date to get out of the patrol car, my parents have remained silent looking at me as if I had appeared bald in a clown costume, leaving me nervously stroking my neck with my hand.

The first word my father managed to pronounce was: "Honey, what happened?"

"I've grown up, daddy" was my answer. That's all. 

It may not have been so funny due to the small fact that they were already aware that I am going to become an Akken, but as a fan of this whole subculture of macrophilia, being able to perform in real life this classic scene has been fucking amazing! So much so that I could not contain my emotions and I knelt down through tears to hug my parents without warning

.

After the hug we chatted for a while before my father suggested going to McDonald's for dinner like in the old days ... and after telling him my part of the order and almost giving him a heart attack we decided to order pizza for dinner at home.

Tomorrow we have arranged for my father to call my brothers for a family reunion without telling them that I am here, now ... I don't know if the news will hold up in secret. I say it more than anything because my closest brother is the best friend of Agent Eric's son and the news flies in this town. 

Looking on the bright side, this relaxing night time will help me to tell you about my first meeting with Vell, mostly because I don't dare to try to play with anything else in my room for fear of breaking it. Did I tell you that I am a lot stronger now? I think that unlike me you could already imagine… I'm going to miss my high school athletics trophy, now split into 3 pieces. 

Let's go back to the night of the Earth-Acheron encounter, okay? Despite the general disgust at seeing that only one of the Akkens had ever interacted with us, the party was dismantled in an orderly manner and so quickly that to this day I still find it hard to believe. In less than 5 minutes, all the crowds and commotion were replaced by soldiers deployed throughout the compound, electronic interference devices strategically placed so that no image or visual documents could be left without prior authorization.

And believe me, there was no prior authorization for anyone. We are talking about an unusual situation controlled to the extreme. The translators like me who were going to accompany Austin were forced to undress and receive a shower under pressure from the hands of some completely covered soldiers, to dress in clothes designed so that we could not contain or hang any type of device.

The nerves were, as you can all imagine, extremely real and constant between us as we watched as all the computers and devices that we had used that night were delicately kept in containers worthy of the safety of the best James Bond movie. 

After a few more minutes in which no one said anything while we were searched once more by soldiers, we received the first indications of the soldier with the highest apparent rank watching us: 

“Form a line here as we say your names. Once everyone is ready, start walking at a good pace to the designated position where Austin will be waiting for you, remember that from now on and until your services are not needed you are directed by Austin and any attempt to offend or attack the Akken will be punished with the utmost severity.” 

The pressure on us was so evident it amazes me how scared some of my former co-workers were when we walked outside the park and saw that they were pointing spotlights at us in all directions. I guess all this control was the reason that when we got to where Austin was waiting and he asked if there was anyone who wanted to retire almost 50% raised their hand. 

Me? Of course not, if not there would be no story to tell, right? ;)

“Well folks, if no one else wants to retire, it's time for us to start moving towards history! Think that tonight our names will change to ... "I don't remember what else Austin said but I can assure you that he did not stop for a second while we got on the" golf carts "that took us to the outside of the ship ... and god Holy, the image was more and more impressive every meter that we advanced. 

If you have never been near an Akken ship, I strongly advise you to look for the nearest designated spaceport and ask for a guided tour… it is an overwhelming feeling. 

 The soldiers stopped the vehicles in a position marked on the ground with bright white lines, a huge rectangle that looked like some kind of target from below. "3441" Austin yelled loudly as he advanced the group to the edge of the area. “Ambassador Kalliah, 3441! It is the code that he has asked me to recite when we are ready "Austin whispered turning towards us, just at the ideal moment to lose the two" drones "that detached from the center of the hatch of the ship and that floated at an impressive speed towards us . 

Before anyone could say anything, the drones emitted a line of purple light that stretched out until it collided with each other, floating in parallel around us for a few seconds. This was evidently a scan, something that none of those present needed confirmation of. 

Once the drones reengaged the hatch, it began to open as slowly as last time, the same steam rushing out of the interior welcoming us. "Thank you for all the preparations but they were not necessary, Ambassador Austin" Kalliah's voice said as our eyes adjusted to the light emanating from inside the ship, her cute but massive bare feet topped by not-too-fat fingers and bright magenta nails being the first thing we saw as the hatch continued to rise. 

I suppose it's a good time to mention it but Akken hands and feet are proportionally larger than humans by a fairly large margin (smaller in hand size), fingers included in that size. This is because… the greater proportional weight… and the data… 

I'm very sorry but no matter how much I think about it, I don't remember the specific explanation. I know it would be incredible considering that to get citizenship I have had to demonstrate a knowledge equal to the equivalent of secondary education in Acheron but it is like that, I am not able to remember neither the most influential artists in classical Akken culture nor the reason your hands and feet are bigger. 

Here the only important thing is that they are bigger, softer and, for me at least, much more erotic than humans. (And for the record that I am not a foot fetishist, it is one of the things that I never understood or saw the eroticism in the pre-Akkens macrophilia)get

Let's go back to that moment! The hatch of the ship continued its course until it was fully opened, Kalliah receiving us with the same warm smile that she had shown hours before and with an elegant but less military outfit than the clothes in which she appeared in front of humanity. "Welcome you all, thank you for agreeing to help us!" The Akken said as she knelt in front of us with her hands on her knees to try to close the physical and emotional distance that separated us. "I know it is not much but we have prepared a small welcome gift to our ship!" 

And without giving us time to respond, Kalliah drew one of his arms back to extract a human-sized book from his back pocket. We didn't know what to expect so we let Austin step forward as we surrounded him with the soldiers from behind. 

I'm going to give you a second to guess what book this giant alien was giving us, okay? Please, try to think it through and do not look for it online if you do not know the anecdote.

Ready?

 To Serve Man

ACHERON'S FIRST GIFT FOR EARTH WAS THE FUCKING BOOK “TO SERVE MAN”. The older you are reading this you may remember from The Twilight Zone, and some younger ones may relate it more to The Simpsons ... but it was. The first gift a member of a gigantic humanoid species came up with was a book about cooking fictional humans. 

As you can all imagine, we were literally frozen with fear and with all the rights in the world! It wasn't until Kalliah raised her fist to her mouth to hide an innocent giggle that some of us looked up from the book. "Hahahaha… I'm so sorry but it was too ideal to pass up!" The Akken, let us remember that a 14-meter tall “bitch” rubbed a stray tear down her cheek trying to hold back the laugh. "While I was thinking of a way to relax the tension in the environment I began to remember one of the first Earth series I saw when I was a little girl and how much I laughed at this episode ... so I thought: Why not make a little tribute to a classic of your television culture so that we can laugh for a while? "

None of us answered anything, which evidently started to make Kalliah nervous, all of us silent while Austin still held the book, flipping through its pages. To this day I am still not clear if it was natural or if it was a forced laugh so as not to make a fool of Kalliah or cause a disaster in our relationship, but I can tell you that Austin slammed the book shut, starting to laugh out loud clean. "I guess after so many years of making aliens our personal monsters in movies we deserve it!" Austin said smiling, leaving the book in the hands of the closest soldier. "I must say that it is incredible to me not only that you have been able to decipher our language without our help but also that you have also been able to capture our television broadcasts or use our internet services!"

"It was not easy, I can assure you!" Kalliah answered now in a much more formal tone. “Our research probes found your planet 1200 years ago, and although we have kept it close to ensure that no other advanced species will locate you, the constant changes in your multiple languages r03;r03;have made it very difficult for us to maintain a fluid knowledge of your history! It was not until the birth of my generation that with your arrival in the digital age we were able to begin to decipher and understand your culture. ” 

Austin, fast and fast as lightning, launched into asking the questions that were arising from the avalanche of information from Kalliah. "Sorry ... but you said that you have observed us for 1200 years, right? More or less since the 8th century after Christ? "

Kalliah nodded as she raised her head in a slightly pretentious gesture, very much in keeping with what she was about to say. “I don't want to brag but it was the interstellar research team led by my grandmother alver… my paternal grandmother who found them! My mother grew up watching my grandmother try to create an atlas of your rapidly changing history without success, and I grew up seeing what my dalver mother was like ... my maternal mother and I were the ones who managed to make sense of all the events we saw on your planet thanks to your globalization! That is why I am here today serving as a diplomat, for being the youngest expert on your planet. ”

The next person to speak wasn't Austin, but one of my colleagues behind me. "You say it was your grandmother who found our planet? How old is she?" 

Austin quickly launched into silencing him, but Kalliah was quicker to speak. “Akken's average lifespan is around 800 years old, with an increasing trend towards 850 years or so. My paternal grandmother, if alive right now, would be 1,300 years old, my mother is 490 years old and I am the youngest diplomat in the Empire at 75 years old. I know that from your perspective it is difficult to understand and that any attempt at equivalence that I make will not be correct ... but if it is easier for you to understand it, think that my grandmother would have the equivalent of 112 human years, that my mother has the equivalent of 51 and that I would have the equivalent of 23 ... it is not exact at all but I think it will help you with your mental calculations "

As you can imagine, none of us present could understand the magnitude of what was present ... I think this has been clear, right? Akken big, we small and without even much vision about the universe… yep, that sums it up! So let's continue:

“Where are my manners? Humans usually invite your guests to come in although it was already planned that they will enter your homes, right? It is not a very foreign custom for the Akken but I find it really fun! " Kalliah explained as he leaned back to make way for us, the ground lighting up with holograms of arrows showing the way to a door on the other side of the entrance. Welcome, friends! And thanks again!" 

The Akken began to walk towards the indicated door, opening automatically when it was close enough. The 8 steps for her were easily 100 for us, 100 steps surrounded by equally fascinating and terrifying technology. 

Austin encouraged us with a few whispers that for his own honor I am going to refrain from saying here, I will leave it for his memories. The only thing you need to know is that they perfectly fulfilled their mission and that the team began to walk towards the rest room of the Akken ship where the rest of the crew was waiting for us, the two soldiers sitting on stools in what seemed to be the island from the galley (not too dissimilar to the galley on a human luxury yacht) while the other two sat at a breakfast table working on two "computers." And by computers I mean of course the holographic digital centers that have been so successful here on earth when Apple started importing them, the PB Akken.

“Girls, our guests! Let me introduce you, okay? The two bastards sitting in the kitchen are Calrie Mena, our head of security and human weapons expert." The pink-haired, scarred Akken raised her hand in greeting, a tender smile on her lips. “And Melia Nazub, our… pilot. Technically we can all pilot the MZ, including the ship itself as it has done to get here ... but in any emergency situation Melia is in charge of keeping us safe and her cache of 300 years of experience as a pilot shows how good she is at her job!" 

And it is not because I despise good friends of mine who have helped me so much these years ... but I am the one who caused me to achieve nothing. Dressed in a formal attire comprised of black “cotton” shorts and an orange tank top, her twilight-weaving orange hair gathered in a ponytail that hung down to her shoulders, her eyes were electrifying. blue (before mention the color of the moon ... not to mention the color of Acheron's second moon, Eternal Blue) staring at us with a mixture of excitement and stage fright, her little upturned nose breathing in and out in a calming rhythm, her cute Sharp ears slightly red from the shame of not being dressed in her uniform (remember children, if the Akken has sharp ears it is from Acceria, if the ears are elven type it is a Wubes Akken, and if they are rounded and lobed it is an Akken of the Azora archipelago). 

"And finally we have Janivell Mika, the programmer of our first Aekun-Terrestrial Languages r03;r03;translator and the second in command of this initiative!" Kalliah presented Vell with a final clap before beginning to slide his fingers through the air, a section of the floor next to the table rising slightly as railings appeared around it. “From there you cannot see it but we have made work tables and chairs for you at the meeting table, with this platform I will bring you all there so that we can start this as soon as possible, I know that humans need to sleep daily and I would not like take away hours of sleep unnecessarily!" 

Doubts still floated in our group ... except for Austin and for me to advance without knowing why I was using the floating platform. Something inside me was gaining strength by the second, a growing feeling that began to erase any hint of fear or doubt within me. 

I think Austin complimented me on my poise even though I wasn't listening, my ears focused on the sound of the platform rising to the surface of the table. 

There I was, as close as possible to the face that had absorbed my field of vision, wondering why she kept staring back at me… and why Vell was even more precious with every step I got closer. 

Austin yelled to the rest still on the floor not to make our hostesses wait, but as I am saying I did not hear anything but my footsteps through the huge table until I reached the human work table closest to Vell. AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHOW A LITTLE ENDING THE CHAPTER WITH A MESSAGE THAT HAS REACHED ME FROM VELL A WHILE AGO! You are not going to meet her yet "in person" but consider it a preview! (She is my wife and the love of my life, boys and girls… I have to make her first live appearance here special in my memoirs)

You are an idiot, you know? Do you want me to admit that I fell in love at first sight with a human who needed to jump to reach the bottom of my knee, a human who I couldn't even see well with the table and Austin in front of her? Do you want me to confess that my heart skipped a beat when you started walking towards me, here in front of your wonderful ... what, 0 readers, 10 at most and counting your parents? 

I don't know if I hate you more for the audacity of asking me this or for not having warned me that you were going to Earth to propose your plan to your family in person ... but you can bet that incredible ass of yours that since that moment I have never stopped thinking on you, my idiot. 

And I'm sure that at least 90% of the time it was thinking how much I love you.

Vell is best girl, right? God, how much I love her!