Like I thought, nobody taking the reigns, both parties being selfless, leads to doom. Living simply is simply too hard like that. That's the way humans function and you've fleshed that out pretty damn well without mentioning it outright. Show, don't tell. That fight was so real that it was hard to read as someone who has married. Went right to the marrow, that one. Outstanding work.

Now, any number of things can happen from here. You already know them. What I would like to see is Allison standing up for herself in a calm, calculated way. Otherwise, she's trapped. I mean, Brian might be absolutely correct. But you don't give up a job like that. It's like talking to civil servants about their massively unfair wages and benefits at the expense of everyone else. They might even whole-heartedly agree with you, but none will ever quit or refuse to take the money. Trust me, I've been there. Unfortunately for Brian, he has few other things to think about in his time. And he won't back down. Such is his nature, plus this isn't about the misallocation of tax money but human lives and dignity.

Putting myself in the shoes of the executed and comparing that to the way Allison thinks when she's not on the job makes me smile every time. I think about this story a lot, actually. Can't say that about many stories.

Part of me wants Allison to go full retard and ask Cathy for advice. That would be hillarious. Although, given the state of mind in which Allie is driving to work today and the expectations Cathy undoubtedly harbours towards Allison's methods of execution, there's bound to be something coming up anyway. And of course, the customers of Allison's terminatory service will proclaim themselves innocent again. Perhaps one of them doesn't lie about his (or her?) crime this time. Perhaps he or she lays out believably how it was all just one big mistake, or else how they truly and honestly regret what they did. That would be bound to make poor, big Allison all dizzy, wouldn't it?

Stories like this shape up like a tree diagramm. At any point, usually, there are multiple choices to pursue. I've found that picking one and sticking with it is really important, otherwise you end up writing a very confusing book. Like I did.

From here, Allie could take more people home in hopes, in part, of making Brian's life easier. But that will lead to only more intriguing problems. Or she resigns herself, which would eventually bring the story to an earlier close and enable you to pursue your next idea.

I've truly no idea what is about to happen, only feeble wishes. That's half of what writing stories is all about, though. You got me well and truly hooked into this thing. Can't wait for your next addition. I'm sorry for the lengthy comment, I just like this story so much. Cheers.

Uh-oh... Not gonna lie, it was more or less clear that this was going to happen, but it ain't bad. I wonder what Allison actually did with her cellphone. She wouldn't mess with the timer, now, would she?

Anyhow, looking forward to a long 10 minutes for Brian. The real question is whether  Allison will like it. I saw Brian stuck having to find something new to give his life meaning. Looks like he's receiving some help with that.

Starting out strong with lots of promise and innuendo. Sadly, many strains seem to lead nowhere. Maybe it's just that I'm not so much into gentle stuff, at least when it isn't contrasted with some real danger. But I didn't like the ending, the way in which all just falls into place, Cathy turns out to be abou t as deep as a puddle and everyone lives happily ever after. 

But if that's your thing... 

In terms of writing, I felt like the earlier chapters were better as well. I don't need Allie's thoughts so often, especially when everything she thinks is so blatantly obvious. Mainly, though, I am sad that the story is over, which tells me that I really enjoyed it after all. 

I can hardly wait for your next submission. Please keep at it. You are good. 

Loving this more and more.

Hey! Thank you for the reply. I had written up a reply to you that got far too long and was eaten by the website. I'll keep it shorter this time. 

The one thing that you gotta do is take your time. Your style is very effective. You transport a lot of story in very few words. I admire that (a lot) but it's hard to do and can sometimes go wrong. All the plot development you outlined can work perfectly fine and I would love to read it, but it needs to be packaged a bit better. Let's take Aubreigh as an example. She has this incredibly well-written scene where she puts her foot in the tank and then tells the tinies that she's only teasing (a thing her mother has said before too). That seems to set the plot for the chapter. Then, in the shower, all of a sudden she has a little winge and regrets everything? I get the logic. She would rather have her friends back. It makes sense. It is simply a packaging issue. These developments need their time for the reader to follow them. 

I hate writing big plots like that because I'm really bad at it and I change my mind often. Most of the time, I find that writing wherever the small plot lines seem to lead naturally is much better, small incremental steps. You need the big ideas too but you can't break them over the knee like that. Now, you don't want to beat around the bush for too long either, but there's got to be a bit more than shower thoughts. 

If I were you, I would try and rework this chapter. Flesh it out a bit, make it lively. Breaks only do one thing, they make you forget important details of your story, which bites you in the butt later. Trying to salvage after a bad chapter is a really frustrating experience. I mean, these plot ideas are all genuinely good and Andrew is extremely well-written (smart!) so long as his actions make sense. But this plot doesn't get to shine right now because you haven't polished it. The way is the destination here, so to speak. 

If I had one wish, that would be it. 

Giving others advice like this always sounds arrogant so I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I like your style of writing very much, I just think that in this case you tried too much plot on too little development. 

Can't wait to see you writing again. Cheers

I like where this is going.

Great start! I love the playful obsession they have with Whitney. It's very logical, although I would assume they would not only extend their cruelty and carelessness to her. I mean, while they're there, why not...? You get the point.

Can't wait for more!

Strong start! Great descriptions, nice pace, enough detail. I really love it. This could turn into something rivalling Kosmita's work.

Some double words (e.g. I'll drag my finger over ... and lick you off my finger) and some tiny errors (e.g. She quickly scooped her up materials), but they don't distract much.

Awesome story!

I want to know what happens when a tiny person is killed or injured. It all sounds like it's no big deal, but then again there are designated zones and all that. It basically screams "show don't tell". Can't wait for something to go wrong. 

Nice to see this back, but I would have wished for things to go a little bit harder. Micha is already an extremely lucky prick for having Juni (what does she see in him again?), so he should have to fix or circumnavigate some problems on his own rather than everything virtually resolving itself by accident. I don't want to sound too harsh, and maybe I'm overthinking it, but I'd really love to see some grim reality in this thing. But maybe that's just me. Can't wait for the next chapter.