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[Report This]Date: April 18 2015 5:06 PM Title: The Awakening
It's a great idea, but I don't like how you went about it. Before I contuine I want to point out that I am not trying to sya you're a bad author or anything like that. I am only pointing out things I would change. The first is each chapter is too short. A chapter should be 1000 words at the very least. I could combine all four of your "chapers" and add a few words and have one chapter for one of my books. Second problem is that you don't give enough detail as to whats going on. One sentance she's got'em in her hand the next he's running towards her foot. The last issue is that you, in my opinion, ended it way too soon. You could've had dozens of chapters with foot stuff in every one, and sex every, like, thrid or whatever. Like I said at the begining, I'm not saying you're a terrible author. I'm just saying that these are somethings you should work on.
Date: July 19 2012 6:41 AM Title: Testing the captive
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Date: July 19 2012 6:39 AM Title: A taste of life-
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Date: March 31 2010 9:19 AM Title: the decision
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Date: February 19 2010 4:29 PM Title: the decision
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