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Reviewer: BlueDream Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: July 10 2014 9:27 AM Title: Chapter 1

Hot. Damn.

Guess I'll have to binge all your other work now. Excellent, just excellent. Sorry to be so brief, but Casanova already about covered it, anyway.

Much admiration,

BD

 



Author's Response:

Kind words, BD. Thanks. :)

A binge of my work may be a little unsatisfying at the moment. The series I've posted here are all dead ends. I'll be posting old shorter works of mine that never made it World, as well as fresh stuff along the way.

Whatever else you happen to read of mine, I hope you enjoy!

Reviewer: Casanova Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: July 09 2014 7:03 PM Title: Chapter 1

binary_prophet, this story is amazing. You have strong diction, style, etc., but this piece's strongest attribute is the way you've managed to pack in so much content into so few words. My old writing professor always told me that every sentence must accomplish one of two things: build character or convey action. This is obviously not as easy as at seems, and economy of words is the central goal of every serious writer. In this story, you've accomplished quite a bit in terms of character development as well as action, and I have to say that what you've left unsaid is equally well done. No time is wasted on the hows and whys of Keith's shrinking. Plenty of stories get caught in this problem, and I personally find it's oftentimes much better to just completely gloss over that bit of fantastic impossibility because it can never be explained.

If I had to pick on something, I guess it would be that Keith almost seems to be too aggressive in his pining. He oscillates multiple times between stuttering fearfulness to demanding rudeness, and I wonder if it's overdone. That being said, I only am critical about it at all because there's very little to be critical of in this piece for two reasons: a.) because it's short and b.) because it's really well done. I felt bad not leaving anything in the way of constructive criticism, though, so there you are.

Awesome story overall; hope for more!



Author's Response:

Thanks so much, Cas. And thank you for sharing your thoughts on craft with me. It's truly my pleasure to recieve such a thoughtful review.

You're right about Keith. It's a fair nitpick. Marcie is really the only character in this story, to my mind. Keith I wrote pretty loose; he's a part of the world, something to lose power while she awakens. He's an arrow pointing downward. A prop. I wanted him to be something of a comedic presence, too, to cut all the blood and guts.

Again, humbling feedback. Thanks so much.

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