Reviewer: DrownInDaPussy Signed [Report This]
Date: March 23 2023 10:07 PM Title: A star is born

I am lovin’ this story so far, and I would love to read more. I didn’t realize how much I would enjoy the unaware elements. Is anyone else picturing Allie as Naomi Swann with an extra thick ass?

Reviewer: Frizzle Signed [Report This]
Date: March 10 2018 8:16 PM Title: A star is born

Ok, before I criticize anything I just want to say that it takes a lot to impress me with a story... as I've read hundreds of stories on this website and almost never leave a review because most stories are #boring

So that being said, let's get started.

 

First, this sentence really bothered me for some reason 

"Well I am prepared to offer you a contract, there is a lot of legal jargon here but basically it requires you to do one video with us. After that we'll give you the option to resign if you liked the experience."

Why would she resign, if she liked the experience? Obviously it's a typo, but my point is that typos like that can really distract the readers mind, and pull them out of the story big time. Just some thought to reading over your story once or twice before posting :)

 

Second, Allie seemed more than eager to sign the contract after hearing the money offer, not to mention it seemed like she has had some experience in this field before. This confused me when she suddenly began to second guess herself in her car. Maybe it's just me, but the way it was written didn't really seem to add up (though it wasn't too big of a deal honestly)

I love the flow of the story, and I love the characters! The only complaint I really stand by firmly is that the characters would tend to make a statement or act a certain way, but then completely shift to a statement or action that contradicted their previous ones... which makes it impossible for me to understand what exactly the characters want in this story. Does Allie not anjoy being in the adult film industry? This chapter didn't clarify that for me at all whether she likes the industry or not... or whether it's simply for the money. 

 

I wish I had the time to read more chapters... this story was very engaging and as a result I'm definitely giving you a 5 star rating (for this chapter) and I can't wait till I have time to read more! Thanks SO much for showing me a sliver of hope that good authors still exist on this site!

 

P.S.

I love how Mark said this wasn't a casting couch situation... except it totally turned out to be exactly that LOL. Love it!

Author's Response: Thank you for the thorough review, and I appreciate the constructive criticism! I hope that with the coming chapters Allie’s mindset becomes a bit more well explained, and her actions more justified. Hope you enjoy!

Reviewer: gtsfan91 Signed [Report This]
Date: January 15 2018 11:29 AM Title: A star is born

<3 

Reviewer: daftpunk Signed [Report This]
Date: July 12 2016 4:16 AM Title: A star is born

nice job! Will you be continuing the unaware element as the major genre? More unaware content in future chapters would be great.

Author's Response:

thank you! Yes, unaware will be a major part of this story as it is one of my favorites genres!

Reviewer: Bananaman1 Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11 2016 7:47 PM Title: A star is born

Pretty good so far, well written as well.

Author's Response:

Thank you!

Reviewer: squashed123 Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11 2016 2:47 PM Title: A star is born

Don't you dare not continue this.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review and the kind words! I am very excited to continue, though my busy schedule may mean some delay between chapters.

Reviewer: KYo Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11 2016 2:26 PM Title: A star is born

Cool concept and good writing. Keep it up

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review and the kind words! I'm excited to flesh out the finer details of the plot..

Reviewer: fated11 Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11 2016 9:16 AM Title: A star is born

Solid story. I would love to read more

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review and the kind words!

Reviewer: vgiv Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11 2016 4:48 AM Title: A star is born

Very strong intro. I did not see the twist coming whatsoever, which is always a plus in my book.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review and the kind words!