Hello there, my name is Allison Ali Alan and I am pleased to introduce my very tiny and diminutive self! You see, you may recognize me as the late counterpart of Nick and his gang, but long before those treacherous events I had a life of my very own! I won’t bore you with the details, but unlike Nick and his friends dangerous, chaotic and unpleasant series of events… My life was a bit more... Interesting?
You see I’ve always been small, or for as long as I can remember that is. My very loving and kind parents raised me alongside my grandparents, but once I became a particular age we had all equally agreed it was time to go out on my own! I remember it almost as if it were yesterday…
“Wait… You’re kicking me out!?” I couldn’t believe it, the words of my mother, that is, the words of my mother that were spoken just now, or in the past, in this memory I mean.
“Kicking you out? Of course not!” My mother laughed as she corrected me, “we’re simply packing your things and sending you on a permanent vacation, forever!”
“Yes… That’s kicking me out, mom!” I responded distraughtly as I stood on the dining table surface in our dining room, where most dining tables could be found.
My mother was a tall woman, standing roughly six feet tall and a few inches extra. She had long blonde hair, so long actually that it touched the floor and rolled out a few feet more. She believed that cutting your hair was a grave sin against her God, Ooga Logicious or whatever she called him. She had hot red nails, and always wore the same pair of flats which were putrid green and had holes in the soles.
“Your father and I have agreed that you’re old enough now to no longer be our problem, and considering your distasteful height we’ve decided to send you on a plane to Washington state! Some random family has agreed to adopt you!” My mother exclaimed, as if I should be happy about it.
“This is all a lot of information to absorb…” I fell flat on my ass, burying my face in my palms as I tried to grasp my situation. I was too small to argue, and what was I going to do about it? It’s not like I could just run away, not at this size!
“Listen to your mother Allison,” my father demanded as he appeared from around the corner. My father was only four feet tall and six inches high. He had no hair at all, his head bald and shiny. He had a handlebar mustache so long, he could scratch his forehead with the ends if he wanted to.
“But Dad! This isn’t fair!” I pouted, “I don’t want to go to Washington! I like it here in Texas!”
“DO NOT SHOUT AT ME YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH!” My father screamed, “HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT YOU DIRTY WHORE!”
“Now now… No need to shout honey,” my mother patted my father on the head, “she is just having a hard time adjusting to her soon to be life in Washington! Besides Allison, I’m sure you’ve gotten tired of repeatedly getting stuck in my hair, or stepped on under my feet during the middle of the night when I am grabbing a late night snack! And don’t you remember the time that I accidentally tossed you with the salad I made for lunch one day?”
“That could literally happen with anyone else… ANYONE. ELSE!” I shouted, “it’s the hazard that comes with my height, are you really going to use that as an excuse!?”
“Yes,” my mother answered blatantly.
“Oh… Well okay,” I guess that was that?
A knock at the door caught us all off guard, as a random, red headed woman entered the house with the most annoying grin I’d ever laid eyes on.
“Hello! I’m Rachel, the app said to enter the house when I arrived? So who's getting a ride to the airport?” Rachel stood awkwardly at the front door, staring at my parents and completely unaware of my presence.
“That would be our daughter,” my mother answered cheerfully.
“Great! So where is she?” Rachel looked around the kitchen, but couldn’t see me.
“She’s right there,” my mother pointed towards me.
“Where?” Rachel looked at where my mother pointed but couldn’t see me still.
“Right there,” my father also pointed at me.
“Where’s there?” Rachel asked again.
“On the dining table,” my mother said.
“The dining table?” Rachel seemed confused, “the dining table is your daughter?”
“No, she’s on the table,” my father sighed in annoyance.
“Which table?” Rachel inquired.
“The dining table,” my mother repeated again.
“I thought you said your daughter wasn’t a dining table,” Rachel scratched her head.
“No, our daughter is on the damned dining table! Literally ON THE FUCKING TABLE! THE DINING TABLE!” My father walked right up to the dining table and pointed his finger so close to me I could smell the cheese puff dust still on his fingers, he must have had a snack recently.
Rachel squinted her eyes as she finally spotted me on the dining table, but her eyes then widened in horror as she began screaming incoherently, “OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S A BUG! AHHHHHHHHHHH!” Rachel ran out of the house like a mad woman, screaming profanities as her voice slowly died out the further she ran.
“I guess we need to call another Uber, could you?” My mother smiled at my father.
“I’ll get right on that…” My father cursed under his breath as he walked out of the kitchen, as my mother pulled out a chair and sat next to the table where I had begun to sulk.
“Now now… Don’t cry Allison, I know this is a hard pill to swallow,” my mother soothed.
“Why are you sending me away! I don’t want to go! Please!” I cried, failing to understand the reasoning for my parents' betrayal.
“Oh honey, you just need to see this from our perspective! Imagine always having to tiptoe around the house, for fear of killing your own daughter! You have to swallow your selfish thoughts and accept the fact that it’s time to grow up, you’re basically an adult now and we’re no longer responsible for your well being! You understand, don’t you?”
“No! I don’t!” I cried.
“Oh, well darn I really thought that would explain it…” My mother sighed in defeat, “well you’re simply not our problem anymore, as an adult you have to take care of yourself. I’m sure you’ll make all sorts of new friends in Washington, far away from us! And you can always give us a call to tell us how you’re doing!”
“I don’t even have a damn phone! I’m too small!” I retorted in frustration.
“Oh yeah… Well we’ll be thinking of you!” My mother took her index finger and patted me on the head carefully, “you’ll always be my little… Er, young daughter!”
My father entered the kitchen again, “we got that red headed moron again, I explained that Allison is NOT a fucking bug and she’s coming back to pick her up.”
“How splendid! Thanks for clearing that up honey!” My mother thanked him happily.
“Whatever… Goodbye Allison, have a safe flight or whatever!” My father immediately opened the fridge, grabbed an entire twelve pack of beer and left for the living room.
“Goodbye dad…” I murmured to myself, as my mother plucked me off the table and began to carry me to the front door.
“Wait! What about my things!” I cried out, as I dangled mid air in my mothers not so gentle grip.
“I accidentally ate them with my breakfast… They somehow got mixed in with the eggs…” My mother let out an ear shattering belch, before a gentle hiccup followed by a giggle, “oops… That must be your stuff! Sorry sweety!”
“It’s fine…” I mumbled, crossing my arms in defiance as she walked out to the porch and placed me on the welcome mat, “you’re just going to leave me here!?”
“It’s fine! Look, that Rachel gal is coming back,” my mother pointed towards the red head who was walking hesitantly back towards the front door. She seemed embarrassed to say the least.
“I am SO sorry about that! I have an aversion to insects…” Rachel smiled awkwardly, “so anyways… Where’s your daughter? Is she ready to go?”
“She’s right here,” my mother answered.
“Where?” Rachel asked.
“On the ground,” my mother responded.
“I don’t see her, where is she?” Rachel scanned the ground but couldn’t see me.
“The welcome mat,” my mother answered more specifically.
“Your daughters a welcome mat?” Rachel was confused again.
“No, she’s on the mat,” my mother said again.
“What mat?” Rachel still couldn’t find me.
“Oh for fucks sake… I AM RIGHT HERE!” I screamed up at her.
“Oh! There you are,” Rachel smiled down at me, “sorry about mistaking you for a bug earlier! I have a phobia of insects! But you’re not an insect, so I don’t fear you!”
“That’s great… Are you driving me to the airport or not?” I grumbled grumpily.
“Sure thing! But uh… Am I supposed to carry you or something?” Rachel suddenly began to sweat nervously, tugging at her collar nervously at the thought of even touching me.
“I mean… Does it look like I’ll get far if you don’t?” I retorted with the utmost sarcasm.
“No… It doesn’t… You’re pretty tiny actually, what’s wrong with you? Is it contagious?” Rachel was having second thoughts.
“There’s nothing wrong with me… I am NOT contagious… Can you just put me in the damn car and we can go already?” I wanted to cry at the humiliation I felt at this very moment.
Rachel slowly bent down, before carefully plucking me off the welcome mat. She gagged pretty loudly, though to her credit she tried her best not to make it obvious. She held me so incredibly far from her body, I was almost weirded out by how far she stretched her arm away from her.
“Well… Here we go…” Rachel slowly carried me towards her car, as my mother waved me off.
“Goodbye my daughter! I love you!” She smiled with relief as she waved me goodbye.
The best I could do was tear up as I waved her goodbye, still confused and lost at why they were putting me through this misery. Who was going to watch me in Washington? How the hell was I supposed to even make it through the airport? They didn’t even give me a plane ticket!
Rachel placed me down in the passenger seat of her car, as the last visual of my mothers face was blocked away forever as the car door slammed shut, cutting off my view of my mom and it would be the last time I’d ever see her again. Rachel got back into the driver's seat, before looking down at me with a half hearted smile and a sweaty forehead.
“So… What was your name again? I don’t remember if your parents told me or not…” Rachel asked nervously.
“Allison Ali Alan…” I mumbled in response, staring at the door that erased the view of my mother.
“Well I’m Rachel… Are you excited to fly to Washington?” She asked as she put the car in drive and began to pull out of the driveway.
“Not even slightly…” I said back to her.
As Rachel drove out of the neighborhood, I began to wonder what awaited me in Washington. I was now on an adventure I never wanted any part of, in the car of a complete stranger who was taking me to a place of uncertainty. The next step was the airport, but I had no idea what to expect when I got there.
I was just a tiny, itty bitty little woman… In a very large, and scary world. My own parents don’t even want me, what kind of start to a story is that?