Forbidden Dish Food Review.

By Kendra B - former Beauty Competition Winner/ food critic and woman’s physical fitness expert. She writes for Girls Guide, a female magazine.

“I’m going to eat people alive!” I said into the phone. It sounds like a line straight out of a “B” horror movie doesn’t it? Nope. At least not this time. It was just me on the phone with my sister back in Oklahoma.

Anytime you say you’re planning to eat someone for dinner (and let’s face it, how often can you say that in the modern world?) you’re bound to meet with a skeptical, if not hostile reaction. Questions like “Is that even legal?” or “Are you insane?” would be tossed out by the innocent listener who is ignorant of the latest restaurant on the culinary scene. But the answers are that not only is it perfectly legal but becoming increasingly popular.

The Forbidden Dish is rapidly gaining the attention of the adventurous and the carnivorous. In this restaurant they are capable of rendering a fully grown man to the size of two inches. No, the shrinking won’t kill him, but the other patrons might. Every evening hungry women jam the restaurant to buy the tiny men and consume them alive. Sound illegal? It’s not. Every man is a willing volunteer who is just dying (get it?) to give himself up to the feminine apatite.   There is, however, one hell of a legal waver he’ll have to sign prior to offering himself to you on a platter. I’ve been told that most sign up without a second thought.

“Yeah, seriously. I’m going to have some human guys for dinner tonight,” I confirmed to my sister.

“A real live person? Won’t he be scared?” she asked.

“I’ll have to ask him before I eat him,” I told her. Before hanging up, she made me promise to call her after my dinner and tell her how it was.

A few moments later I found myself seated at the Forbidden Dish on an otherwise ordinary Thursday night. I had just arrived in town that afternoon and aside from checking in to a nearby hotel. I had little familiarity with the city. I was hungry and excited but it was too early to eat so I went for a run, trying to calm my nerves. It’s been several years since my beauty competition days and I find working out before dinner keeps me in good shape. Additionally, I wanted to bring a big appetite to this new food experience. I shouldn’t have worried about my apatite; it was in full form. I probably should have been concerned for the welfare of my checkbook though.

At first glance, the Forbidden Dish sounds like an exotic meal from a faraway land. To see this lofty title adorn the outside of a Restaurant in the rather ritzy section of an “A” city comes across as a bit forced. I was skeptical of the atmosphere when I first walked in to begin my review of what is rapidly becoming a destination for worldwide food adventurers.

                To my surprise, the restaurant sports not one, but two levels; each with their own theme. Upon entering, one is greeted at the lower level. It is a brick walled building with expensive artwork, low lighting and even a few lanterns thrown in to give it an ‘old world’ type of feel. There is even a fireplace in the back that projects a cheery atmosphere and fills the room with the warm scent of wood smoke and pine needles.

Upstairs you find the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Built along the lines of an ultra-modern club, it has a dance floor, posh couches and an illuminated bar.

The only thing that is similar on both floors are the shrinking machines. There are rooms for “Shrinking Machines” where clients may be reduced to the size of a baby carrot. By now, almost everyone has heard of this outrageous and groundbreaking cannibal restaurant which allows you to shrink a friend (or your friend to shrink you depending on your preference) to about two inches in size and then devour them alive. It seems unreal, like something out of a Science Fiction movie, but it is quite real.

This review ended two days long. Initially I had planned to take only one, but after dining at the restaurant the first night, I couldn’t help but return the next to patronize the club. I’m a 28 year old girl now and don’t go to these as often as I used to but I am here to tell you it’s a blast. But the real draw for my return was not the atmosphere of either the up or downstairs (which are both amazing.) The draw is the food.

My drink, a glass of chilled red wine recommended by the server, was excellent. I sipped politely as I scoured the menu. It had almost every dish imaginable and my belly was rumbling when my eye fell on the leg of lamb. Tempting. However, most of these items on the menu are meant for those who intend to offer themselves to a female for dinner but wish to have a last meal first. Most women only order one thing; men.

                Like oysters, you can order these guys one at a time but receive a slight price reduction at orders of five or ten. I was informed by my waitress that the little men tend to disappear pretty quickly and she suggested I start off with men before I ate anything else because, and I quote “you can feel them wiggle in your belly easier on an empty stomach.” As distressing as this sounds, I was reassured that it was a relaxing sensation.

                To be honest; I was a bit scared of ordering men. The thought that while I’m sitting there judging who I’ll eat first while there wondering the same thing gives one pause for thought. I reminded myself that this was for food posterity and that I could always get more if I liked them or order something else if I didn’t. I collected my courage and requested an appetizer of five little men, then settled down to wait in nervous anticipation, unsure of exactly what to expect.

                I should point out here that there are two ways to eat a guy (like skinning a cat). One could rub elbows with the local patrons and look for a man to eat (they wear red bracelets if they want to be eaten while the consumers wears blue ones) or one can simply order shrunken men off the menu. I have enough trouble with pick up lines to worry about “eat up lines” and was unsure how I should ask someone if they would like to be my dinner. So I went with the way of the cowardly; ordering them from my hostess and waiting for them to be collected for me.

It took much less time than I thought. Within moments a bowl of tiny men was place before me. I almost jumped when they moved around. They looked up at me with uncertain expressions. I was at as much of a loss as to what to do as they were. I had observed two women at a nearby table simply dig right in to their meals. Others seemed to take the time to talk to their food. This had struck me as a bit weird, but now, confronted with real live shrunken men who knew I intended to eat them… well I was a bit too nervous to start eating right away.

“Hi,” I said to them. “I’m Wanda. What are your names?” I’ve eaten chickens I’ve raised in the backyard, I’ve eaten lobsters that I raced before boiling and I’ve even eaten alligator in Florida once but I’ve never actually introduced myself to something I intend to eat.

I practically jumped out of my seat when one of them answered me back. “I’m Jamal,” he said.

“And I’m Andy,” said a second.

“I’m Tony,” said a third.

I don’t remember the other two’s names but by now they were all looking at me expectantly. “Uh. Hi. So. This is my first time eating here. I’m a little new at this.”

With great hesitation, I plucked the one named Andy from the bowl and held him gently between my fingers. I was terrified of hurting the little man before I remembered that I was going to eat him. With a growing sense of realization I discovered I was actually afraid of him! Why I was afraid I am not sure, but I was truly scared. It was a uncharacteristic feeling for one’s food.

“I’m not into vore. I just wanted to see what you guys tasted like for my food column. I write food and physical fitness for a newspaper back home in Oklahoma.”

“Cool. Nice accent too!” said the guy in my hand. I nearly dropped him.

“Thanks. Uh. I hope you guys don’t mind me writing about eating you later,” I said.

“Oh no. We’re hoping you’ll enjoy us.”

No animal I’ve ever eaten has ever invited me to eat him either. I was mentally preparing to eat the guy when he added. “Nice boobs by the way.”

I had been holding him before my breast and mustering the courage to devour the poor man. I had not expected him to start hitting on me. It just goes to show that guys are still guys no matter what the situation, which apparently includes right before I eat them.

“Thanks,” I said, unsure of what to say.

“Can I see your ass too?” he asked.

Too embarrassed to listen to any more requests or comments about my body, I forced him into my mouth. I am sure this action was born only to cease the alien feeling of my dinner hitting on me. Andy was small enough that I could fit his whole body in at once. I also sensed he would be easy to swallow.

When I walked into the restaurant I hadn’t been sure what to expect. I had been excited, curious and even a little scared of eating someone. The whole time coming over I was thinking, “What if he begs me for his life and I’m still supposed to eat him?” or “What if he tastes horrible?” or even simply “how guilty will I feel later if I eat a guy for dinner tonight?”

So you’re probably wondering what was going through my mind when I put my friend Andy into my mouth.

Uhh... YUM?

He tasted great, a delight to my tongue! But what was best was that he was moving on my tongue. I felt completely empowered and enjoyed the sensation easily as much as the taste. With a gulp I sent him down my throat and Andy wiggled the whole way down. I shuddered with enjoyment.

When I looked back at the remaining men in the bowl, I think they could tell that I had changed. Grabbing Jamal, he quickly followed Andy down my throat and into my belly. Speaking of my belly, remember what my server said about the delightful feeling you get when you eat guys alive? The fluttering began not long after I ate Andy. It was as if someone inside my belly was giving me a light massage. It felt great. I wasted no time in eating the remaining men and then leaned back to delight in the sensation washing over me. It was truly delightful.

The downside? It doesn’t last. I can’t imagine that the lifespan of a shrunken man inside the stomach of a hungry Oklahoma girl is particularly long, but to me it was far too short to stop eating then.

When my waitress returned I ordered ten more men and another glass of red wine.

As it turned out, eating the poor guy Andy was all it took for me to become something of a monster. I can’t imagine how I appeared to my dinner but I took on a fiendish apatite for the little fellows, not to mention tormenting my food before consumption.

It was here I learned that sometimes men want to back out of being eaten. Unfortunately for them; if you don’t want to give them back, you don’t have to. I delighted in teasing these little men. Some of them begged me to have mercy on them, only to find me enjoying devouring their friends far too much to let them off the hook too. I held one man for thirty seconds listening to him beg me to spare him. Like the others, I swallowed him whole and delighted in the poor man’s struggling as he went down my esophagus. Another man I promised I would spare if he guessed what state I was from. He guessed wrong. I ate him as he screamed for mercy.

In short; they were delicious. I ate every one and to my surprise, didn’t feel bad in the least. I went to bed with a full belly and dreamed pleasant dreams of my dinner.

                I returned to the club the next evening. Getting a badge at the door was easy, then I made my way upstairs to where the party was already in full swing. Dozens of men show up to be eaten and I had planned to have my fill of them.

                I should warn any women planning to attend The Forbidden Dish that groping is not just allowed but almost encouraged. I was ready to put a man’s head through a wall for grabbing my backside before I learned that he wanted me to eat him. I agreed and we kissed for several minutes before we went to the back and shrunk him.

I took him to a private room reserved for eating guys. With a gulp, I sent him to my belly. Hungry for more I returned to the dance floor. I should also say that getting people to eat is fairly easy. They have to want to be eaten by you, you can’t just grab whomever you want, but most are there because they want to find a pretty girl to eat them. Before I called it a night I had eaten seven men.

The Forbidden Dish should be a delight to any female who wants a good meal. I certainly enjoyed myself there. It’s also guilt free eating. I mean that in the sense that if you can get past the fact that you’re eating another person (who to be fair, volunteered for it) then you can get a great healthy meal. Humans are mostly protein so we’re talking about a food that will enhance muscles and help burn fat, provided that the guy you’re gulping isn’t too plump.

I told my sister about it later and now she and I are planning a trip to go together later this year. All I can say is that I can’t wait to get back.