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Auntie the Almighty – Prologue

 

Contrary to popular belief, god isn’t some entity that rules unseen in the cosmos, but is rather just a human like everyone else. The universe being controlled like a lucid dream by the current ‘God’ person, who changes at random every thousand years. Who this person was before doesn’t matter as much, as in the year 2000, of all humans on earth, a cute, single, mature woman obtained it. Sally Robison, a brunette woman with little sense of privacy, a carefree cute attitude, and no shortage of entitlement, having all the power of god. Sally feeling it as a tingling sensation across her entire body, but not thinking much of it, as she slips on her robe after leaving the shower. No underwear underneath, as she heads over to her kitchen to get some breakfast.

 

She flips on the TV as she usually does, only to be treated to the typical slog of depressing news. “oh pooh, I wish they’d report on something less depressing...” she thinks to herself. And then a second later, the news casters inexplicably bring the bit to a close, and report on something Sally wanted to hear; that there’s a sale at her local shoe store, for the sandal she was hoping for. “Ohmygosh! That’s just what I wanted! Awesome <3”

 

Meanwhile, at the news station, and shoe store, people were in complete disarray. The woman reporting on site about the sandal having no idea how she got there, the store having no sales campaign prior to a few minutes ago, and the editors at the station having no idea where the assets for the news bits came from. People become even more baffled, as they continue on to reporting the whether

 

“And, for this week’s forecast, expect clear and dry whether from Wednesday morning, to Saturday evening. If trends continue, this could wind up being our driest May on record”

 

Mmph.. that’s no good. I wish it would rain more often.” Sally thinks to herself, as she chews another spoonful of cherrios. Not a moment later, she then hears the gentle pitter patter of raindrops on the roof. The skies that she could have sworn were blue beforehand, suddenly being a warm overcast; with the sunrise creating a magnificent pink sky. “Hum! The news is really dropping the ball today..”

 

Meteorologists struggle to come up with an explanation to Sally’s oblivious divine intervention. The dramatic local change in climate causing all sorts of havok as high winds, and a couple unexpected tornadoes, form at the edges of the rainstorm that God created, just so she could sit on her backyard patio and read her romance novel in comfort. Then… it happened. As the sun rose on its course in the sky, it began to shine gently into her face, causing her some mild annoyance as she works towards the conclusion of a particularly dramatic chapter.

 

Ugh.. I don’t want to get up! I’m quite comfortable”

 

And then suddenly, the sun moved in the sky Not the earth’s rotation, but the sun itself moving at Sally’s subconscious whim. And this time, she witnessed it.

 

“WHAT IN THE WORLD?! Am I doing this?!” she exclaims out loud. Other cries ringing out across her neighborhood as people take notice. Sally simply looking up at the sky, and consciously taking control of the sun’s position as a test; making it dart around the sky in chaotic, zig-zag, and sometimes heart-shaped patterns.

 

Well.. gosh! I must be dreaming. I’ve always wanted to have a lucid dream… how lovely!” She thinks to herself. Justifiably thinking that it’s all a dream, even though it’s not. The world suddenly getting a huge shock, as the sky turns tan. Sally suddenly being far more massive than dozens of planets, and looming over the world as though it were nothing more than a basketball.

 

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT A SALE ON SUNFLOWER SANDALS WAS TOO GOOD TO BE REAL. OH WELL! I CAN PUNISH THE WORLD FOR IT IN MY DREAMS AT LEAST~”

 

All of humanity not having time to appreciate the cosmic sized tiddy dwarfing the entire earth, before Sally’s voice brings everything to its knees. Shattering glass, causing quakes, and disrupting weather patterns. This was nothing however, compared to the incoming cataclysm of Sally’s manicured finger coming down, and putting the asteroid that destroyed the dinosaurs to shame. The moon sized, vanilla scented mass of soft skin pressing down atop an entire continent, before she drags it across the ocean and onto the next hemisphere. Turning half the world into a muddy streak in one motion

 

HMPH! THAT’LL TEACH YOU NOT TO ACCEPT MY 50% OFF COUPON. BAD WORLD. HAHA~”

 

She emphasizes with a rough poke. Causing the world to lose it’s spherical shape and collapse. But then, it wasn’t. Everyone on earth, even those who died, being alive and well with memories of what just happened. Sally treating reality like it’s nothing more than her dream to manipulate, as she’s then uses her untold power, to get a free massage. Her favorite masseur suddenly being in Sally’s living room, massaging her feet and working up her thighs as she watches a new episode of her RomCom TV series. Fear being in the back of his eyes as his mind and body do exactly what God wants, and nothing more

 

Chapter End Notes:

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