Reviewer: teradonk Signed
Date: February 13 2023
Title: Chapter 1: Sunday
I like your stories and this scenario is so hot, a tiny tortured by a mature woman.
One thing: consider seriously trimming down the CAPITAL words for used for EMPHASIS in dialogue. I mean, you use them a lot, to the point of obnoxiousness. this is a porn story, so I don't give a shit about style and skill usually, but this makes it weird to read. if you don't agree, try reading a portion of your story out loud and you'll hear how unnatural all the emphasis sounds. it's not necessary and it's intrusive.
anyway, good story though!
Author's Response:
Yeah, I probably need to reserve that for when someone is shouting or screaming. I think I just want to confer emphasis, and I’m not exactly sure how to do that effectively. Maybe italics? In any case, I do try to read the words aloud in my mind when I’m proof reading, or even speak them aloud when I do my dictation.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and for the critique. I’ll certainly consider it going forward.