[Report This]Date: February 18 2024 8:08 AM Title: Chapter 2
First off, this is wonderfully juicy, and I'm not just saying that because I have a sister-in-law whose panties I want to crawl into. I think keeping Tom and the reader in the dark about whether he's dreaming, being gaslit by his wife and her sister, or really has long-term memory problems has been effective in keeping him off-balance.
I think you have a real talent for plausible dialogue, and I want to know more about all of these characters. One suggestion I would make is to spend some time on physical descriptions of the characters and how big they seem to Tom, how powerful and overwhelming their fingers and other extremities are. Make us inhabit his helplessness.
This is excellent for a first-ever story.
Author's Response:
Hi Olo, thank you so much, I appreciate the feedback and will definitely try and put more effort into describing their size and Tom's helplessness. 😎