Date: August 30 2014 4:31 PM Title: Introduction
I really like this story and look forward to seeing more. You make a few consistent, yet very minor, mistakes, but most of them seem to have a really unique charm to them. I like that. One small thing that bothers me is you have a habit of writing "OK" instead of "Okay." This seems pretty unimportant, but for people who read like I do, it can really ruin the immersion of the story. You also have a few typos here and there, and I think your sentence pacing could use some attention. I usually don't bother pointing this stuff out for people, but I really see a lot of potential in your work and I'd love to see you maximize that! Keep it up!
Author's Response:
Thanks! I'll watch out for these issues in future updates.
[Report This]Date: March 13 2014 8:11 AM Title: Introduction
P.S. I can't help wondering what kind of snack Ash was going to fix herself.
A spooky taco, perhaps? ;-)
[Report This]Date: March 05 2014 8:39 AM Title: Introduction
Great opener! I especially loved the use of that venerable old line about a "dark and stormy night." It makes for a nice homage to those old "empty house" thrillers of the 1930's.
Date: March 04 2014 4:36 PM Title: Introduction
An interesting start. Shame it's so short though. And I'd steer clear of the words: "It was a dark and stormy night", but that's just me. Those words have created a lot of debate in the literary world over the years.
Anyway, the summary of this story seems good, so I'll eagerly await the next installment.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the feedback. I'll try and my my chapters a bit longer in future updates, and now that I re-read it, I really regret using that cliched phrase. Oh well.