Reviewer: ilikepie Signed [Report This]
Date: March 20 2017 2:59 PM Title: Jo's Allergies

Man, this guy passed up the opportunity of a lifetime!  I know I'd love to be Jo's toothpick/brush.  I'd get to have her morning breath all to myself every day ^_^  Just got to bargin for safety and bam, eternal paradice.

Minor ideas, maybe give some comparasons so we have a more exact idea what things are like.  Does her breath at this point remind him of the dumpster out back since she ate at work?  Has the tongue softened up at all?  Also maybe now that they are alone he could speak up a bit, talk to his hostess.  Seems Jo is doing all the talking anymore.  We know this guy's thoughts but Jo doesn't at all.    

Author's Response: Heheh. You're hilarious, my dear fellow. You think Jo would give him a choice. ;P No, I certainly wouldn't pass it up either, but maybe not permanently-more like for a week at a time, like a holiday. All that about too much of a good thing, y'know? As for comparisons and detailing, I have to say, comparing things to halitosis is a hard task. Generally, I find it to be a unique odour, not like other malodours out there; but I'll certainly try to get in some more comparisons, where I can. Wouldn't want to lose my penchant for detail! As for conversation, I have been holding off on it, mostly because I really don't know how it'd go- and I think Jo enjoys her dominance over her prisoner. Still, I'll try and work it in there, if I can. Anything to give the story more variety than it already has! :)