I never did learn the name of the woman who did this to me. I blame my fate mostly on her but it was Luke who started the trouble. I suppose I should open at the beginning. I’ll try not to take too much time. I don’t have much anyway.

Luke and I were on a tropical island. We were lying on the beach enjoying the sun, the sand and the color of the water. The mercury was pretty high but the water temperature was delightful so we alternated between swimming and sitting in our spot in the shade under a few trees where we would relax and reapply the sunscreen.  It was during one of these reapplication moments that Luke noticed the girl that was to be the ruin of both of us. She had somewhat Latin features and was gorgeous. Luke simply had to go and introduce himself despite my warnings.

There were plenty of girls to look at on the beach but it didn’t mean that you had to go running up to every one you saw. Luke was not one to be dissuaded however and he sprinted off towards the brunette beauty. I was not sure what he said to her but Luke had been known to use bad pick up lines that were somewhat offensive. I had sincerely tried to break him of this habit, telling him a lady would be more impressed with someone who was polite and respectful. So far, I had noted no effect on Luke’s actions from my pep talks. Ah well, I decided to go and extricate the female from Luke’s clutches and return my friend to his rightful place, sitting on his towel and complaining to me about how I “ruined his chances again.”  Luke’s abilities for hitting on girls that didn’t want his company were superhuman. He never seemed to notice that said girl would prefer having her wisdom teeth taken out without painkillers than to listen to my friends boring tales about himself. Why, I wondered, did I ever choose him for a friend? Deep down, I knew. He had a good heart, which was more than one could say for most of the guys I knew growing up. 

I arrived next to the girl and discovered that she was even prettier up close that I had originally believed. The bigger shock was that she seemed to be responding to Luke’s bizarre mating ritual of dropping a ‘clever line or two’ and then launching into 1001 reasons why you should date Luke.

She interrupted Luke.  That was really the only way to get a word in edge wise from Luke’s barrage of vocabulary.

“You sound fascinating. What do you say to going with me to my hotel where I can find a pen and paper and I will write down your number. Oh is this your friend?” she turned towards me, but didn’t wait for a response.

“Well aren’t you cute? I have a friend who will love you. Come follow me.”

She started off towards the hotel, Luke in her wake like a puppy following the master. Pathetic.

 I trailed behind. This was definitely a first for Luke. How the hell had he pulled this off? I wandered behind the two of them as we passed the hotel pool. The girl waved to a friend who was just walking by. She was a black chick and in pretty good shape. I had to say her curves rivaled that of Luke’s new love interest. She was frigging cute too.

“Hey Dianna,” said our siren leader. “These are my new friends Luke and…” she paused turning to me.

“I didn’t get your name.” she said to me.

“Austen.” I said politely to her and smiled at Dianna.

“Hi” said Dianna and smiled back.

“I didn’t get your name either.” I said to the girl as she led us into a corridor and into a room. The door closed and she turned to us.

“It’s not important,” she said. She pointed something at us and everything went fuzzy.

By my reckoning, we came to at under an inch tall. It seemed surreal that we were shrunk to the size that we were. I had a difficult time figuring out what had happened and an even harder time adjusting to it. My arm was blue from where I had hit it to see if I could wake myself up. Eventually, I convinced myself that I was not dreaming.

Our hostess decided it was a good time to have a heart to heart. It was downright scary listening to that pretty girl talk to us. She told us how she hated guys bothering her all the time. She said she didn’t like pick up lines, I nodded at Luke but he wasn’t looking my way. He was looking in wonder at the colossus before us. It occurred to me that this was the first conversation he had had with a woman where he wasn’t doing all the talking. The lady continued her monolog by telling us that it wasn’t just the pick up lines or the constant badgering but that she really did like what she was about to do so don’t take it too personally.

Then she grabbed Luke and, holding him up to her mouth, she put him in and swallowed. I didn’t believe it at first. It all happened so fast! I figured she was scaring me and he was under her tongue but no, she started talking to me and I realized that there was nothing in her mouth. She said she had eaten guys in the past here and there but really wasn’t sure if she could swallow two guys in one day because she could still feel my friend moving around and would I excuse her if she disposed of me by another method? Of course I had very little to say on that subject. Indeed, I could barely speak after the spectacle I had just witnessed. She started listing the ways she could get rid of me. She told me that she could simply flush me down the toilet if I wanted, the other option was to leave me outside the hotel and wish me luck, the third was to stick me somewhere someone else would do the killing and not know it.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could this be happening to me? I was to choose my own fate? She suggested that it was probably a bad idea to ask to be released outside because there were a lot of big spiders on the island. I told her not to release me. Then I thought about the toilet. Not a great way to go. I said so. I was not so sure about someone else killing me either. How would she pull that off? I was about to ask when she seemed to make the decision for herself.

“You’ll be killed by my friend Dianna. You thought she was cute right?”

I did and said so but added that someone appears less cute when you know they would act as executioner. How would I go? Would she squash me? Eat me like Luke? Cut me to bits?  

“Oh don’t worry about that,” said my hostess. “She’ll never know you were there.”

How reassuring, I thought.

I still didn’t have the foggiest as to what her plan was, but she picked me up and brought me to find her friend. I was hidden in her purse and listened to her dialog with Dianna. They agreed to go to dinner and I was jostled along for the ride, pretty damn nervous about what lay in store for me.

It was after they had ordered their meals and settled down that I really began to think of my friend Luke who was somewhere within the giantess above me. He was probably dead by now. What would she do to make Dianna kill me? I thought it over but could not come up with anything.

Suddenly, my ‘caretaker’ excused herself to go to the bathroom. By the sounds of it we weren’t headed to the ladies room but had entered the kitchen. A giant hand grabbed me and suddenly I was staring at her once again.  

“I would suggest that you enjoy your last meal,” she told me. “You might be sharing it with someone else soon.” And with that she dropped me.

Fortunately I fell into a soft if not rather hot substance. I thrashed around for a while and realized that I was on a plate. I was in the mashed potatoes. I looked over and saw string beans and steak on the plate with me. I tried to get out of the potatoes but could not seem to go anywhere. No doubt about it. I was stuck.

It wasn’t long before a waitress brought me out to a table and wouldn’t you know it but it was Dianna that was towering above me and looking down with a hungry glint in her eye. This was not a good situation, I thought.

Dianna started talking about how good her food smelled and how hungry she was. I realized that I would have to make myself known if I were to escape the ravenous giantess before me. I started waiving my arms as best I could to attract her attention but before she could see me I saw a huge hand grab a basin the size of a lake and pour its contents around me. It was gravy and although none landed on me, it landed close by. I doubt she would look closely at her food and figured I had to remove myself.

Getting out of mashed potatoes was impossible. I was already burned from the hot substance around me. I felt thirsty and terrified of my in a horrible plight. Dianna however, was quite happy. She started to eat her meal. I had a front row seat watching her pick up building sized pieces of food with her fork, stick it into her mouth that was big enough to swallow a city block, and grind the food to bits with her teeth. Then she would swallow and I would watch a lump move down her throat, knowing that soon I would take part in the activities.

She started eating the potatoes soon and I knew my time was short. Dianna was talking about things she had done that day, what she found most enjoyable and what she had planned for tomorrow. I realized that I would be joining her on her exploration of the island tomorrow but I wouldn’t enjoy it and she wouldn’t know it. I would be inside of her by then!

“I think that snorkeling would be fun,” said Dianna as her fork loomed over me. “But would it be better to visit the jungle tomorrow?” The fork passed nearby me and lifted off a huge chunk of the landscape. It was conveyed into the woman’s mouth without delay and suddenly the fork was back for more. It took another piece off and Dianna gulped this down without a problem, although the size in relation to my body was about the size of a baseball field. She stopped to drink several pool sized gulps of wine before continuing.

“I really could use a good hike though,” she told her companion. The fork descended again and this time it went right under me. 

“Although I love swimming and I can wear my new bathing suit. Did you see the one I had on today? Well the other thing to think about is the summit of the island. It’s supposed to be fantastic.”     

I was lifted up with about 70 square feet of potatoes towards the gaping darkness that was this woman’s mouth. ‘This is it,” I thought but was mistaken. The fork was withdrawn as Dianna added something to her last statement. Her lips moved quickly and I was hypnotized by them. Soon I would be passing through them.

“The beach and the pool today were pretty fun but I really want to see the coral reef at the other side of the island and I think I will plan that for Wednesday,” said Dianna.

Her mouth opened and I passed by her lips and teeth at great speed. Her lips closed around the fork and I felt it withdrawn from beneath me, leaving me in her mouth alone.

She didn’t bother chewing the mashed potatoes but simply swallowed. I never touched her tongue, just slid down her gullet with the rest of the food. It was unreal.

My glob of mashed potatoes landed in Dianna’s belly and soon was broken up, leaving me susceptible to the stomach acids. Soon my body was in agony. I heard Dianna talking above me but couldn’t concentrate enough to discern anything.

Danielle finished her meal a few moments later. It had been delicious. She would go to the summit tomorrow, she had decided. She rubbed her belly, leaned back, and enjoyed the rest of her evening.