My girlfriend Anna wanted to visit her little sister Grace across the country for a few days, but we were strapped for cash. Airline tickets were at an all-time high due to the pilot strike happening here, so two round-trip tickets could easily cost us a month’s pay.

“Sorry, babe, it’s too expensive right now. I know you haven’t seen her in a while. Can’t you just Skype and be happy with that?”

Judging from her facial expression, she would not be happy with that. “I haven’t seen her in two years. She’s almost done with college, and I’d like to visit her. There’s got to be a cheaper way.”

The thing is, there was. Human miniaturization existed. Certain less than respectable companies would shrink you down inexpensively and ship you wherever you wanted in the world. It was much cheaper than airline flight, but much more dangerous. Packages can be lost. Packages can be damaged. “We could try the shrinking shipping thing,” I said. Her face lit up.

A few days later we were at USSPS, a shrinking postal service. At the front desk is a beautiful smiling blonde woman in her twenties.

“Hello, I’m Lindsay, how can I assist you two today?”

“Yes, hello, we would both like to visit my sister in Seattle next week, cheaply if possible,” Anna says. “What are your plans?”

Lindsay smiles more somehow and says, “Ah, our most affordable plan for two people is 1/8th of an inch, two day shipping. $300.”

I crinkle my brow. “1/8th of an inch, like, we’d both be shrunk that small?”

“Yes, sir,” Lindsay responds. “I know it’s very tiny, but to keep the price down and shipping costs low, we’ve projected that to be the ideal size for shipping shrunken humans.”

“That seems very small, unnecessarily small,’ my girlfriend responds.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t make the rules. The higher-ups do the math. If you’d like a more expensive plan, I can offer that. But being shrunk down to anything above two inches tall, you would be better off taking an airplane in your normal height.”

My mind reels at being so tiny. “I can’t even imagine being that small! Have you ever been shrunk?” I ask Lindsay.

“Once, yes, to the same size. It’s amazing. You two at that size could play a tennis match on my thumbnail! It’s quite an experience.”

I look down at Lindsay’s right hand resting on the desk. Her long thumbnail, painted red, is resting on the desk into front of us. She sees me looking and taps her nail on the desk, and I imagine Anna and I standing in front of that incredible digit, the sound that nail must make to two little people. Not to mention the lovely breasts of the woman. How big would they look to me at 1/8th of an inch tall? My original fear leaves me. The thought of my girlfriend and I shrunken down, existing as specks on or around this gigantic woman’s nail, her smiling down at us. Lord, I was sold. I wonder if she will be one of the people shrinking us.

“Okay, we’re in,” I blurt out. Anna looks at me with surprise.

“Let’s get shrunk, baby.”