Reviewer: jacksmith5996 Signed
Date: July 14 2012
Title: Chapter 1: The Girl Who Lived in a Shoe
A nice addition. I do have a nitpick of sorts to make here, but understand that it's because I enjoy this enough to check for updates when I get on the site, and I feel invested in the narrative enough to care where it's headed. Personally, I feel like the story is strongest when told from Alisa's perspective rather than from her friend's or mother's. Your descriptions are well-done in both perspectives of course, but stylistically, I found it much easier to get into Alisa's head than the giantess characters'. This may be getting too deep for a fetish story, but the way you've framed what is, in essence, a science fiction story, Alisa is the closest connection a reader can have to normal, realistic logic (regarding the unfairness of her life, etc) while the giant characters who wear her in their shoes represent the foreign, antagonistic force that we are exposed to through the only existing voice of reason: Alisa.
So, long-story-long, I'm putting in my vote that you focus on the scenes depicting Alisa's POV in future chapters. I hope that made sense, and perhaps it was unnecessary when the main purpose of these kinds of stories is pure fantasy, but I personally have a ball pondering the psychological aspects of the whole concept, particularly in above-average stories like this one where a unique premise gives an opportunity for original scenarios, of which you have already delivered. Whatever you decide to do, keep it up sir.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the thoughtful addition, and I do think you're right. I think it's a similar situation to your own series... I found "Big Sister Diaries" to be have the same "foreign" feeling you mention, and I honestly had the same thoughts about this chapter when re-reading it in line with the other chapters. I actually had about 1000 words that were at the end of this chapter having this continue from Alisa's perspective, but it was getting a bit long and might work better in the next chapter. Maybe I was mistaken to do so. In the next chapter, we will we definitely be back in Alisa's head again.