131170861A woman brings home her new friend for a night of fun.
As soon as I read the part where Lorelei needed to clear a place for Faith, I knew what was going to happen. Was it really necessary, though? Why couldn't she have kept two slaves, or even more than that? Seems like such a waste. But on the other hand it does drive home how serious Faith's predicament is. In a few years or however long into the future, when Lorelei brings home another normal sized woman, Faith will know what to expect. I am curious what would have happened to Faith if she had allowed the tiny woman to win that race? Would she have been killed?
This whole thing could have been going on for many years, and the tiny woman may not have been the first victim. You could write a prequel where you cover her story. That would be cool. Another thing you could do is write a sequel of the cruel things she does to Faith in the days, weeks, years ahead... and what happens when Lorelei decides that its time for her to go.
And what of Faith's car? Is there a chance the police might show up at Lorelei's door? Hopefully she was careful enough to cover her tracks, but if not, maybe those smoky tendrils can help her out? ;)
A mentally challenged male gets a surprise visitor in his room.
Congratulations on posting what was quite possibly the most demented and twisted story I've ever read on here. A shrunken woman is just about the most helpless thing imaginable, but when you combine that with her being pregnant it makes her all the more vulnerable. So I think I can see where you were going with that, and I think you accomplished it. But as gerald said, probably would have been nice if there were some sort of plot to it, and you could have made it longer. Obviously this woman is dead, but perhaps there are others? It would be interesting to figure out how she came to be shrunken and end up in such an unlikely place as this.
If she became pregnant obviously there is some male who impregnated her, so where is he? I can't say I'm a fan of M/M content, but if you had his mother find the shrunken man who impregnated the woman that might be cool to read whatever she does with him.
Also, btw you should post this over on the Violent SW forum, because the people there appreciate stuff like this. Its a pretty dead place, but contributions like this can help give it some life.
it was a peaceful day for the occupants at the local pool until a strange phenomenon shrinks all the people down to les than 1/4 an inch. problems really start to get serious when a family of young girls arrive for some swimming.
yes, the characters are practically the same from "tales of a shrinking sister".
I have a few questions.
1) Will you ever continue your other story, and if so when?
2) Are these characters based off people you know in real life? I'm just wondering since you use these same characters (or at least the same names anyway) in both of your stories.
3) I asked this question in a review on your other story, but you never answered. What exactly do these girls look like? You never seem to have elaborated on that. To many readers that would probably be a pointless detail, but I would like to know because it helps to visualize things more clearly.
And with those questions out of the way, I think I have a suggestion or two... you mention an ant invasion? Well, since you haven't done anything with Rebecca yet, how about this... kids that age like to pick stuff up off the ground and put it in their mouth, right? So how about she sees the ants which are attacking the tiny people, and she starts eating the ants. And since the tiny people are caught in the mix, they get grabbed up and eaten too? Then after this goes on for a bit perhaps the mom sees what's going on and she could respond in one of two ways. Either she thinks its cute and harmless since they are just ants, or she is concerned about germs and puts a stop to it by deliberately squishing them out. I would love to see the 40 year old mom deliberately squash out a crowd of ants under her bikini clad ass and not realize that some of them are actually tiny people..
Or, how about this... if she thinks her daughter eating the ants is cute she might want to record it, so what if she pulls out her phone to record it and let's say there is some drool coming out of Rebecca's mouth and the mother zooms in on that and notices there's a tiny woman in a bikini trapped in the drool... but that would obviously end the whole "unaware" aspect of the story, but it would then open up a lot of possibilities because then she could either save the tiny person, or watch as they either plummet to the ground or get swallowed down Rebecca's gullet to their demise...
Just a few ideas for you to consider.
first: i don't want to remove the "unaware" aspect of this story because that is why i made it. this is where i put all my "unaware" ideas and if i changed that then i'd have to make a new story when i made another unaware idea and it would be a hassle. having said that, i think you Rebecca idea is really good and i'm going to think on that one for a while, thanks for the idea. right now she is just snoozing on the chair near kate so it might be nice to get her some action.
second: yeah i'll continue the other story but i don't know when. i have found that writing "unaware" stories are just easier because it has much less charater interation and more simple action. it is just easier to come up with the story and write it out and make it sound good. whenever i muster the will to write (i've found that writing actually takes a lot of mental energy) and continue a story i steer towards this story because it takes less mental energy. in other words i'm lazy. if you really want another chapter i could write one but it might take a little longer then it would take to write on of these chapters.
third: no, these characters are not based of anyone i know i real life. if i did that then i would be thinking about them when writing it and would creep myself out. i don't think i could ever write about someone i know in the way i write these stories. these characters are the same as teh one in my other story because, once again, i am lazy. i didn't want to come up with a bunch of new characters with different traits when i already have some. each character has a specific trait or role which i distinguish them by (being mean, cute, dominant, submissive, role model, lazy) i tell my characters a part by the traits i give them.
four: sorry, i didn't realize you had asked that on my other story or maybe i have forgotten about it. i don't know why i wouldn't have told you. their appearance go like this.
rebecca: short brown hair, round pudgy face, pudgy baby body. as she is a baby there aren't that many characterisics.
amy: medium height for her age. long black hair (lower back length). a light clear face with no visable defining marks. i imagine her with a happy smile.
Stacy: slgihtly taller for her age. neck length dark brown hair. a "strong face" (however you might picture that). i imagine her with a determined look.
emma: medium height for her age. long brown/ reddish hair (lower back length). she has a few freckles on her face which are a defining feature and a bright blue eyes. her look would be that of a person who is content with just helping people and doesn't like to take charge too much. whatever look that might be.
Kate: long black hair similar to Amy's. a strong face with a clear complection. she is slight taller for her height. her look is of a person who likes to take charge (probably because she grew up raising her sisters) but also fair.
jane- the mother: she has long black hair. tallish for her age and is slender for her age as well. her look is a mixture between confused and hurried. because she works so many jobs she is always flastered and that has developed into my mental appearance of her. that is why i imagine her to be the worried one of the group because she is always anxious about her work.
the family is white. each person is thin but not super skinny. breast size of those with them is modest. good size but now abnoxious size. they are a fit looking family who look quite healthy except the mother who is a bit stressed.
sorry if that isn't as much help as you wanted as i am not really good at describing features and simply relaying how i feel they look in my mind. if you have any questions simply ask. sorry ofr the super long response. i tend to over explain sometimes. if you truly want another chapter in TOASS then i'll try to get around to it.
Lucky Jasmine to get shit on by a middle aged goddess. The world is such a scary place when you're small, and Jane was nice enough to construct a house out of her shit for the poor girl to live in. It takes real skill to build a house for a person just through the act of shitting. Jane is a real goddess to be able to do something like that.
Too bad with a mere flush Jasmine was sent swirling into oblivion and wasn't really able to enjoy her new home that Jane kindly had built for her...
Yep, it was a fully furnished house. Even had a little swing out back for her to play on =) It is kind of sad though, she will never be able to live teh rest of her life and died before she even finished her teen years.
A powerful female executive has a unique way of unwinding. Will your city be her next playground?
Well done! That is a very intriguing thought for a mortal such as Diane to hold or destroy an actual real divine goddess, but unfortunately even though she could destroy that expensive Vase, the real goddess Diana would require supernatural powers to take on, and although Diane is very powerful, her power comes entirely from technological means.
The girl's definitely got an ego.
Actress Lily Paige has an unpleasant encounter with a paparazzo.
Cool story. I'm picturing that the blond looks like Rachel McAdams and the Brunette looks like Noomi Rapace, because I just last night seen the movie "Passion" and your story with the feud between a blond and brunette woman reminded me of that.
But sadly you are exactly right that the Papparazzi would do exactly as you described. I have no doubt about that at all. They are in it for the pictures and the money, and if someone is seriously injured or killed they would be all the more happy about it. Like what they did with Princess Diana, for example. They are the real true sociopaths in this story; perhaps even moreso than Emily herself.
Forced to live as a piece of living jewelry is a cool fate. Its a shame this didn't happen with Lily. If you think about it she got off pretty easy, because she was squished and gone. End of story. But this guy has to suffer like this for who knows how long. But I suppose that would have been more difficult for her to get away with (especially with the Papparazzi documenting it).
And speaking of her getting away with it, the "animal cruelty" basis is interesting. It could have also perhaps been ruled as "self defense" because of the threats (real, or alleged); or that she simply didn't even see her as she stepped on her. With enough money and the right legal team any defense probably would have worked I guess. A good insult to injury would have been if Lily's estate had been forced to pay the legal fees. ;)
I looked them up! And I only recognized one, but they're both pretty! So sure, it could be them!
The animal cruelty and general blasé towards the concept of shrinking is a reference to the Inhuman universe stuff I've got going on, but I totally forgot to make mention of that and I hate when stories expect you to have read other stories in order to know what they're talking about >.< I'M SO SORRY PAST AND FUTURE READERS OF THIS STORY, THAT'S MY BAD.
That said, Lily's estate paying Emily's legal fees is hilarious and I love it.
Well, if psychopathic women murdering one another is your thing (and I would assume so, based on your writing) then that movie might be something worth looking into. There's no shrinking of course, but it could be a source of inspiration for future stories. ;)
Noomi Rapace also stars in the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" movies which I haven't seen yet so I can't say anything about them one way or the other, but I've heard they are quite good...
As for the animal cruelty, I understood perfectly well what that ruling implies. The story isn't written in stone, and you can amend it however you see fit, but personally I understood your meaning well.
One other thing about adding insult to Lily's injuries, imagine how her family would have reacted by the verdict which dismisses their loved one as no more important than a mere animal. Emily could find pleasure in the fact that she not only destroyed Lily's life, but brought immeasurable pain and grief to her family, especially through the court's ruling that Lily was less than human. Oh, yes, and having her estate cover the legal fees too... especially if that meant the family was set to receive a significant inheritance, but instead it all goes to this bitch.
A girl who was made fun of all throughout high school for liking magic has finally found a group of girls who share her same interest, but before she can join their club, first she'll have to prove her knowledge of the dark arts.
Billy Zane is the name of a real life actor who among other things played the bad rich guy in the movie Titanic. He's a lot older than 18.
Purely coincidental.
A woman fulfills her dream of becoming a giantess and destroying the world.
Short, but sweet. Its great to see realism be applied from time to time in these stories. GTS authors have a tendency to portray their giantesses as immortal and able to escape the bounds of gravity or the limitations of Earth's atmosphere at extreme heights, so your story is a very rare example of what realistically would happen.... at least as far as her collapsing under her own weight is concerned.
I'm not sure if the process of her body rotting would be able to destroy the planet, though. I've read about these things called "whale falls" where when a whale dies in the ocean its corpse falls to the bottom and an entire ecosystem develops on and around that corpse, and lives on it where normally the ocean floor might be devoid of life. A whale fall can last for decades before it is finally used up by the ecosystem.
I suspect a Giantess corpse would be something along those lines, but if her size is measurable in miles then her corpse would probably last centuries or even millennia before it would finally rot away. Look at how many millions of years it takes for mountains to erode down. Of course flesh is softer than stone, but still...
Since the decay would be such a slow process the global ecosystem might be able to adapt to it. I think the worst thing would be the gases that her body would emit from the decay... these would greatly contribute to global warming and have severe consequences. Not sure if it would be enough to wipe out life, but its a possibility.
After hundreds or thousands of years her flesh will finally have rotted away, but her skeleton would still remain, and probably last there for millions of years more as a form of mountains looming over the landscape...
I suppose on a more positive note, she would serve as good compost and greatly enrich the soil in and around whatever area she happened to die. Crop yields and so on would probably benefit.
This is an old story, but I wanted to add it to my collected stuff on this site. Pretty basic story: Lil' Kim grows GIGA sized, and causes some global destruction.
I remember this story! I like how it says "Completed: No"... that is promising. ;)
A point of criticism though: You said her breath lacked oxygen and carbon dioxide. The lacking oxygen part is true, but the carbon dioxide is mainly what her exhalation would be. That would of course be poisonous to humans and animals and probably wipe them out, but plants on the other hand would benefit from it... other than the fact it would greatly contribute to global warming since it is a greenhouse gas.
Then again, if the planet is reduced to bling between her cleavage then I suppose photosynthesis is out of the question anyway, as there probably wouldn't be much light from the sun in there.
It would be interesting if humanity could somehow adapt using technology or whatever to survive as Lil Kim's bling. That would take some adjusting though. It would probably involve harnessing her body heat or something like that in a similar manner to geothermal energy.
But even if humanity is extinct, at least there are other alien civilizations out there for Lil Kim to conquer and blingify. If humanity wasn't advanced enough to adapt to becoming her bling, then maybe there is some other species out there that is worthy of the task?
Sorry, I was never good in science. I always thought we exhaled carbon monoxide, but either way, my thought was humanity choking on Lil Kim's used air :)
Thanks for your comments! I always appreciate hearing other people's thoughts on what I've written.
Many years into the future mankind has developed the ability to space travel to distant solar systems and collonize new worlds. The Aura solar system, the first system collonized by man, has been having some slight troubles with their sun which will soon be going nova, destroying their planets. However, the plan designed to save them goes very wrong and ends horribly for trillions of people.
Hopefully you guys are still working on this story. I'm sorry to say I missed out on it and only discovered it recently. It is very rare to find stories in the Tera size genre, especially ones as well done as this. One of the main drawbacks at this scale is that it limits interactions between tinies and giant, because at this scale the tinies are invisible to the giants, and the giants are so large that the tinies can only behold a small part of them, unless the giant is at a very great distance.
But Gadget has got around this problem by having Megan communicating with the tiny people via a phone while simultaneously destroying their planet(s). I give that element a 10/10.
However, there is room for improvement though, and I won't lie or sugar coat that. It just seems like you are rushing through you destruction of the planets, you know? Like for example the planet Laconia was shrunk to the size of a BB and then squished between Megan's fingers. I think a lot more could have been done differently, and it should have been dragged out. The thought of a teenage girl casually squishing an entire world out of existence between her fingers is not without its charm, but I just wish it had lasted longer or something. That's just my 2 cents.
And the Fungan planet too seemed like it got kicked to the curb (no pun intended) a bit too quickly. These were Megan's great adversaries and a lot of the story built up to this, but she just kicks their world and they all die and that's it. What I would have rather have seen happen is instead of instantly killing them all like that, what if Megan had enslaved them and kept them as prisoners somehow and in some way? Drag it out, you know what I mean? Like since they're called Fungi or whatever, you could have had Megan force them to live in between her toes like their namesake, or something. ;)
I don't know... I just think you're blowing through everything and killing everything too fast and not taking the time to savor it. Sure there's tons more worlds out there and no reason why Megan's fun should end, but Fungan is special, because that was the planet her soccer team lost to, and none of the other worlds is going to have that element going for it. Other worlds are just worlds, but this one Megan should have taken a lot more personally and made sure they suffered a lot more, or something.
Two students are stranded on a different planet where everything seems quite earthly, except it is totally small. This is a classic crush and vore story in a dark-fantasy setting with an overarching storyline.
With some 900 pages by now, I think we might as well call this one a book.
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
"Léon still smiled, knowing that Thorsten was not like to live and see the resurrection of Thorwal. Wood and stone they would find aplenty, but there was no way to repopulate so large a land within a singe lifetime."
Actually, there kinda is a way... who says that the repopulating of Thorwal has to be with the Thorwalsh? They are a race of people that have been nearly genocided into extinction by Janna and Laura, but the world is full of many other races in lands that the giants have not touched or barely touched. I think this could be an expedient solution to Thorsten's dilemma.
The destruction of Thorwal was so thorough that there probably isn't much reason for the giants to return there anytime soon. For that same reason it would be a logical place for the refugees caused by their destruction in other lands to find their way there. It is also unclaimed land for the taking.
If the Thorwal aren't even there to defend it, then the refugees could just come and claim it anyway. But if someone like Thorsten incentives immigration, it could be a way to much more rapidly rebuild the kingdom into a force to reckon with.
I completely get though that the other races aren't as tall or burly as the Thorwal and wouldn't be as effective warriors, but anything is better than nothing. Culturally and linguistically, it would also be a challenge to assimilate a massive influx of foreigners. But this is a problem the Thorwal now face themselves, because Laura destroyed their God, so they are now divided on what to believe in, or if they even believe in anything at all. This would be fertile ground for foreign ideas to take root, and the synthesis of a new collective identity for Thorwal.
As you've written, the Thorwalsh are excellent seafarers, shipbuilders, raiders, etc. But they lack in other ways, like armor and artillery. An influx of immigrants would not only rapidly repopulate their lands within Thorsten's lifetime, but also bring in the knowledge to build better weapons and armor, and make them more formidable against the giants.
Its an idea, anyway. Not one that most people would easily embrace, but the Thorwalsh are desperate at this point.
Ooooh! Thanks so much for this comment. I don't want to spoil anything, but Thorsten has basically laid it out already.
The Thorwalsh are seafarers, mostly pirates, smugglers, mercenaries and traders. Therefore there is a large expat population of ethnic Thorwalsh all over the continent at any given time. If they hear the call, who knows, maybe they will come back. This might be even likelier since there is now arable land to distribute. Right now, there are a few thousand Thorwalsh in Nostria alone, wrecking havoc in a sort of guerilla war.
On top of that, there are still some THorwalsh communities left to start over with. There is a bunch of rocky islands off the coast as well that have been settled. Nevertheless, the remaining Thorwalsh are in trouble. Why? For one, Nostria is a bunch of greedy pricks and even though they are being harrowed right now (next chapter will expand on this), they are already planning, or in the process of, crossing the river at Salza and claiming the Thorwalsh lands for their own. That's the southern threat.
Then there are barbarians in the mountains, in the far north and in clefts along the coast where they live relatively secluded and are hard to find. The Hjaldingers, Gjalskerlanders and Fjarningers were all smashed by the Thorwalsh ages ago and have been resentfully living in their shadow. Especially the Fjarningers (the wildest people who live mostly in the mountains) pose a threat. But Thorsten already has a Fjarninger chieftain on his side (Arombolosh), and he aims not to divide and conquer but to unite and rule.
Nevertheless, that is going to take a lot of time.
For the refugee question, Thorwalsh are relatively open minded when it suits them. That being said, they certainly do not want to see themselves become a minority in their own land. And Thorwal is really unsuitable for refugees, too. It's winters are hard and while Thorsten restablishes his Jarldom there is practically no rule of law there, meaning the strong take from the weak as they will - not to mention the likelihood of getting in between the frontlines when there is fighting, which there certainly will be.
But the technology point is well taken, and Thorsten is already edging towards change. He's seen Horasian artillery in action and has learned upon his own body that having armour is certainly a useful thing, afraid of death or not. I think maybe Thorwal could go the way of Denmark. Not sure yet. Whatever they do will take long and Janna and Laura move very quickly so I'll be occupied for quite a while before I pick up the Thorwalsh again.
Thanks again for this engaging comment. Stay tuned for the next chapter. It's almost done but it will go up on Patreon first, maybe a week later here.
This does not allow me to respond to other reviews directly, but I just want to point out that some of the recent criticism you've received is flawed and you should not take seriously. People who do not know the name of the main characters in your story have obviously not read it, so their opinions are irrelevant.
Also, in regards to what one person said about Mad Cow Disease, there's two good reasons why you don't need to be concerned about that. 1) He bases this on the assumption that the people of this world are humans just like Laura and Janna. But while they are human-like, that doesn't mean they are human, so being eaten by them may not cause a cannibalism disease like Mad Cow for them. 2) Even if they are indeed human, they are so much tinier that the prions that would cause the Mad Cow-like disease would be similarly so tiny that might not have any effect on Laura and Janna at all, because Laura and Janna's protein strands would be proportionally much more massive than the protein-strands of these people they are eating.
In regards to the first point, Laura did eat the human girl from Earth in the earlier chapters, so she definitely was a cannibal. It would take time for the disease to manifest, but if you wanted to you could write that as being the key for her downfall. It wouldn't be a quick downfall, and she would go mad and be more destructive until her final fall, but that's a possible direction you could go. Janna did not eat a real human though, so she would be fine, assuming the people of this world don't count as humans. Only Laura is a certain cannibal without any room for doubt.
But Laura could still be safe from Mad Cow disease because of point 2. Valerie was shrunk to minuscule size so Valerie's proteins were so small that any prions she consumed would be too minuscule to cause any problem for her own much larger protein strands.
So basically you do have the options to take the story in any direction you like here. Either they are both completely safe from mad cow, or they are both going to fall victim to it, or only Laura might (because she was the only one who ate a real human). But this is your discretion because there are too many questions here with the shrinking and the question of whether these aliens are actually human or not.
Long story short, that criticism was flawed, so don't take it too hard.
I see that you've been writing this story for years, and it has become extremely long, but I've only discovered it about a month or so ago. When I did, I read through the entire thing over a period of days. After reading Geeman's review, I thought I should offer some thoughts of my own. In regards to what he said about it getting repetitive and monotonous with the same crushing a city, then moving on to the next and crushing that, rinse and repeat. Yes, there is some validity to that criticism. But I don't want to focus exclusively on the negative and not also add what you have done well, and also what I feel could have been improved on.
One of the most powerful moments for me was when Laura swallowed Valerie much earlier on in the story. Like I said, I realize you've been writing this story over a period of years, so something like that which you've written so long ago might seem like a distant memory to you now. It's probably also true for a lot of readers who have been following this for years, but since I just read the whole story recently, even the earliest chapters are fresh in my memory.
What made Laura eating Valerie unique over the thousands of others she has mindlessly devoured and crushed on this alien world is that Valerie was unequivocally human, just like Laura and Janna. Whereas, with these primitive aliens it is not so certain if they are human. They look and seem human, but who really knows... its definitely a bad evil thing what Laura and Janna are doing by ruthlessly genociding them for their own needs and desires, but at least it could be said that they are not the same as Laura and Janna. If Laura and Janna are ever arrested by Human authorities and put on trial for their crimes on this world, it could be a mitigating factor in their favor that these were aliens rather than humans. Do they have souls? Do their lives matter, or matter as much as ours? I'm sure if news of this got back to Earth there would be much horror at what Laura and Janna have done, but they can build a defense on the argument that these weren't really true humans, and was no different than killing bugs. They could also argue that eating them was a necessary evil for their own survival and well being... which is not entirely true because they've also killed for fun and the hell of it, but maybe the authorities on Earth won't know about that details.
But Valerie was human. When Laura ate her, she crossed the line between killing primitive aliens whose lives arguably mattered no more than that of bugs, and killing an unequivocal human being. This one act made her a murderer. One could argue it was the worst crime that the duo have committed... perhaps even the ONLY crime they've committed if one has the mindset that these aliens don't actually matter. This would not go over well on Earth, and they would certainly throw the book at her for this.
It was made even better by the fact that Valerie was formerly a tall blonde, that towered over Laura. Valerie was not only Laura's peer and equal, but was actually taller. This made the situation even more compelling, in my opinion.
As powerful and unique as that moment was, it was a bit disappointing (in my opinion) that it was never referenced again. Laura herself seemed to understand how epic it was at the time, but she never thinks about it or mentions it ever again. In that chapter she thinks about digesting her and pushing her out into the latrine. Then Janna comes in and semi-confronts her about it, but nothing more is ever mentioned about it ever again. That is kinda disappointing, if I'm honest.
I feel that the very first time Laura crapped after that, you should have included some mention of her thinking about Valerie and how she was now reduced to nothing more than crap. This tall blonde girl who was her peer and equal, now nothing more than a piece of waste pushing out of her ass. That's a thought that she probably could have gotten off on in itself.
And speaking of crap, in chapter 15 Janna follows Laura's path of destruction towards Thorwal, and relieves herself in a rivulet, and basically dams it with her crap. That was pretty funny. It would have been even better if you'd elaborated on how some village depended on that rivulet as a source of water, and was completely devastated as a result of the water being fouled and/or blocked off, just because a giant girl happened to decide to pinch one off at that specific spot, instead of maybe minorly inconveniencing herself by moving doing it just slightly to the right or the left of it. I like how very trivial acts like that to Laura and Janna could have such devastating consequences to the native inhabitants this world. It's something Laura and Janna don't even think about at all. But I feel that is something that you could elaborate on further, from the tinies' perspective.
Also, just as how Janna is following Laura's path of destruction in that chapter, so too is she being followed by Furio and friends. I think it would have been a nice touch if that "calling card" she left in the rivulet had served as some sort of aid in following her, because surely the smell would have carried for many miles and been an unmistakable clue towards locating her.
And that's another thing... later they crap in the ocean or they bury it or whatever, BUT their crap would be good fertilizer for growing crops. Maybe they haven't stayed in any place long enough for it to really matter, but I think if they were to decide to settle down, and somehow try to live off the land in a sustainable way, then their crap would be very helpful in the fields to help boost the yield of crops. Maybe Thorwal wasn't the best place because it is so far north and the growing season is too short for their needs. But either way, their crap is actually of value as fertilizer. They produce more of it than probably all the livestock in the land. It's also something I think in the long term would have bad consequences for the quality of the soil's nutrients that they eat such massive quantities of the grains and such so all those soil nutrients go into the food that they eat, and then they poop it out into the ocean or else bury it, and then those nutrients are removed from the cycle and lost. And you know the amount of food they eat is not a small amount, so this is actually a big factor to consider.
The other thing is that humans (if these aliens count as humans) make up a massive part of their diet, so a huge percentage of their fecal matter is actually human remains. The thing I don't know is whether the bones would be so small (to them) that they would get completely digested, like say anchovy bones, or if it would pass through their digestive tract and be embedded in their shit. I'm not sure what way it would be... also, clothing, especially the odd piece of armor would probably not digest and get passed through as well. Even if the bones get digested, the armor definitely wouldn't. This would be a grisly and horrific thing for their hypothetical manure handlers to have to deal with.
You also have to think there would be some religious or spiritual significance to the shits they take, because their shit is human remains. Each shit is like an entire village or two unto itself. It's a weird thing to consider, I know, but their shits are basically like mass graves. And while it stinks horribly, at the same time this is also the final resting place for the tiny victims that get devored. You could almost imagine people making pilgrimages to a certain shit they took, because they know it contains the remains of their loved ones from a certain village, which they would know because it was pushed out a day after such and such village was eaten, and their family vanished from that village, so they know that shit is what remains of them, so they come to pay their respects to their dead... or something like that.
Does the shit remain and revered as memorials to the dead, or does it get spread in the fields as fertilizer to replenish the nutrients that the crops need? That's the sort of dilemma that Laura and Janna have inadvertently caused just by their natural bodily functions. It is true, as they say, that "everybody poops", but when you're 100 meters tall on a world of primitive aliens, this act of pooping has some very profound consequences that need to be addressed, I think. You can't really ignore it.
No place has suffered as much from their actions as much as Thorwal, because they spent so much time loitering about there (especially Laura). Other than the brief but epic moment when Laura devored Valerie, my favorite part of the story was her time spent in Thorwal. There is destruction and devastation everywhere they go, but here it was a scale that was unparalleled. They thoroughly ravished and ruined the land, to the point where it would take a long time for it to recover, as you said. Laura even killed their "God". Actually, now that I think about it, that moment may even surpass the devouring of Valerie in terms of epicness. Valerie was bona fide human and Laura's equal, but Swafnir is a supposed "God". I don't know if that is literally true or not, but if it is, and Laura did indeed kill a "God", then that would be the ultimate feat of domination. So yeah, maybe that was indeed the most epic moment of the story thus far.
But Swafnir aside, Laura's time in Thorwal still counts as my favorite, for a number of reasons. For one thing, for much of the time she was by herself and did not have to compete with Janna for food or for power. She was the undisputed ruler, or goddess here, and did not have to share with or compete with Janna. I feel that both of them together can needlessly complicate things. Maybe it is best that they set up their own fiefdoms separate from one another. It would certainly help ease the burden of the tiny population to have to serve and feed only one of them, rather than both. Anyway, that's just my own thoughts... it's your story, so you do it your way.
And for another thing, I liked how you started moving into the direction of Laura turning Thorwal into a "Greater Lauraville", or something to that effect. It's funny how there is this proud civilization of warriors who are feared and respected throughout the world, but then this silly girl suddenly shows up and takes over the place and even has the hubris to name their country after her own self. So it was kinda disappointing for me that this idea didn't take root, and then Janna showed up and things kinda fell apart and they just moved on and left the place in a ruined mess.
Don't get me wrong - them leaving this once proud and flourishing nation in a ruined mess is also epic in its own right. It's just that Laura's silly and supremely arrogant idea of converting this proud warrior civilization into a "Greater Lauraville" turned out to be a bust. Janna and Furio arrived and sort of robbed her of this... her "divine right" perhaps.
It's why I offered my suggestion in my previous comment on how Thorsten could rebuild Thorwall in an expedited way so that it wouldn't have to take multiple lifetimes. And the sooner he manages to rebuild it and make Thorwal great again, the sooner Laura can return and take her rightful place as ruler/goddess over it, and resume her converting it into "Lauraville" again... well, that would be my own hope anyway.
And if you really think about it, Laura's dominance over the Thorwalsh was sorta like how it was with Valerie. Even if they aren't technically human like Valerie, its kinda similar in the sense that these are a very tall and powerful and fiercesome people. Whereas, Laura is very petite. If Laura were normal sized, then they would tower over her just like Valerie. It makes it kinda cool that she has become so powerful over them when she is so petite, so by rights she really shouldn't be, but she is... its cool.
With Janna its not quite the same thing. You've described Janna as being a very strong and powerful and robust girl. Janna would probably fit right in among the Thorwalsh if she were normal size. I don't know what it is about a petite girl becoming larger and getting the upper hand, but I like that more for some reason. Janna is okay though, don't get me wrong, but its not exactly the same thing... I dunno why.
I also thought things were starting to get really good with how after Laura had slew Swafnir, she was starting to take his place as their Goddess. Some people were starting to believe this... that's something that was tragically (in my opinion) interrupted when Janna and Furio showed up. I don't know what the real deal was with Swafnir, but it was clearly something supernatural going on there... whether he was actually a real god or not, I don't know. But Laura killed him, and that's something you just don't see every day. I wished you had stuck on with this path, but it is what it is.
Thorwalsh believed that dying in battle meant they would take their place alongside their ancestors in Swafnir's hall, right? The problem is that Laura slew Swafnir, so their entire religious beliefs have been broken. How could they have an afterlife in the halls of a god, if that god has been killed? A new belief system is clearly needed. If Laura slew their God, and if she became their Goddess, then wouldn't it stand to reason for there to be a belief in an afterlife involving her?
Laura crushed and devoured the Thorwalsh by the thousands. I'm not sure what their total population was to start with, but there is no doubt a huge percentage met their demise either under her soles, or passing through her digestive tract. Maybe that was the fate of the majority of the Thorwalsh, and now only a minority remains of what there was originally. Those few that still survive have to figure out how to reconcile with what has happened, and in a belief system where they can be reunited with their ancestors.
Since Swafnir is dead, and since the majority of their people have been devored as food by their new Goddess, I think the answer is simple... their afterlife must lie within her digestive tract. It would make sense if they started to believe that instead of dying in battle to find their way in Swafnir's halls, that their goal should instead be to die inside of Laura's guts. Because that was the fate of their loved ones, and where they will be reunited with them... in some sort of afterlife.
This is some sort of world full of supernatural wonders, so it could even be actually true.
But even if its not true, I think it is a belief that Laura would want to foster in the Thorwalsh, because it would make them into willing food that would not only not resist being devoured by her, but would actually hope for that to happen, so that they would be rewarded with eternal life in the halls of her intestines, where they would be reunited with their ancestors...
So rather than being fearful of being devored by Laura, maybe they would instead only fear being crushed under her soles. Dying this way denies them from the eternal afterlife in her guts. So if Laura wanted to punish transgressors, she could execute them this way, and only her favored get the reward of eternal life inside of her... or something like that. It's a thought!
And like I said, this is a world where the supernatural is real, so something like that could even actually be true...
But one thing I'm wondering here is how does Laura and Janna age compared to the natives? They are a lot larger, so do they age that much slower than them as well? Faster? Are they even immortal?
If Janna and Laura are here for the long haul or permanently, then that is something you'd have to consider. It makes a huge difference whether they will be dead in say 50 years, or if they are somehow immortal, and here for keeps.
Another thing to maybe think about is whether Earth is going to come looking for them or not. It's your story and I'm not going to tell you what to do, but the deus ex machina arrival of more Earthlings as a rescue mission, or whatever is something that could really shake things up. There's a lot of different possibilities there. Is this a massive military force of hundreds or even thousands? Is it just a few? Do these Earthlings remain the normal size just like Valerie, Christina, and Steve? Or do they become giants like Janna and Laura? Did Valerie actually really manage to send off a broadcast reporting Laura's atrocities before she was killed? Would Earth send people to try to arrest Laura and Janna and try them for their crimes? Would they succeed if they did, or would they be too small to arrest them? Would Laura and Janna somehow manage to return to Earth, but remain being gargantuan giants and then impose their will upon Earth like they did here?
I dunno... there's tons of different possibilities here. It's your story and I won't tell you what to do, but these are just some ideas I'm throwing out there for your consideration.
Wow! Thank you so very much, Chozo. I don't have to tell you that this is the longest review I've ever read - hell, this is longer than some stories on this site. And what a review that is. "Make Thorwal great again and live eternally with your forefathers in the halls of Laura's intestines!" - These are only 2/5 instances where I had to stop reading and roll on the floor for a while.
I was going to admonish you for not putting your skills to use and write stories yourself. Then I discovered that you have written more than I probably ever will. And I want to read all of it in due time.I don't get to read that much when I write, because everything takes so long, but you are now Nr.1 on my list.
You're absolutely right on Valerie. I actually wrote versions of chapters where they were constantly droning on about this thing, talking about it or contemplating it in their heads. But that went nowhere. I should've made more avid mention of it, but Valerie's death was sort of the end of an act and the next act began with a lot of change (if I remember correctly). I resolved to use the absence of too much of a feeling about killing Valerie to show how low morals had fallen, and that there was no palpable difference between the aliens and the humans any more. In any case, I wanted to move forward.
My chapters are very long so that I don't have to leave out a lot of stuff. But I still have to cut some of it, which is invariably where the poop stuff falls. I'm not into it, except for maybe to show how powerful they are. It's a good tool for it that may be worth revisiting. The point that anyone following a giantess would certainly come across it is a big one I missed entirely. It just didn't enter my mind.
Earth is going to come in eventually again, of course. I have a couple of ideas for that but now is no the time.
Thorwal worked well for a number of reasons, but I don't think I can replicate it. Neither would staying there have been realistic - except maybe if they had utilized the harbour, gone full divine and hoped for the best; but I do not actually believe religion goes that far except in muslim extremists. It tried to show that in Thorgun and the conversations he had with the daughters of the Ottaskin. There are just too many flaws and contradictions in religion. The girls are not going to go back to Thorwal. I think that's pretty clear. Now, that doesn't mean your notion of change to their people and religion is wholly to discard. I think this might be a missing piece of puzzle I will work in later. Stay tuned :D Thanks a lot for this. This is gonna be brilliant.
Actually there's a ton of ideas in this review, some of which I had already planned to work in, and other stuff I didn't even consider.
That being said, I'm in a rather hard place right now. There's a million places to go for the girls, but none are immediately obvious. Something has to happen. But what? They'll have to work that out together, only they are not even united right now. There are traces of big developments visible in the latest chapters, a hint here, another there, but nothing explicit. I was wondering if readers would figure them out, but until now no one has.
So, in terms of a big development, I'm edging there, slowly. I just don't have a clear idea of how to get there yet, which is why the plot is a bit wobbly at the moment.
Thanks again for investing the time of telling me all this. It helps a lot, and I will definitely pick up on those suggestions. <3
What happens when an unhappy teen discovers an app on her phone which allows her to affect the world in devestating ways. This is what happens.
Oh man. As if Australia didn't already have enough problems with invasive species, now there's a girl's sweaty gym sock spread out across the land. You can't help but wonder sorts of new species are going to be introduced into the ecosystem because of that sock. Foot fungus and microbes and whatnot of extremely large scale wreaking havoc on the native wildlife, not to mention the people in the cities.
Yes, being an Australian myself I can say that the added heat from that sock is not welcome. But yeah, this opens so many things like the heat, sweat, air pollution, crushing cities and giant bacteria. It's going to be hard to write about all of that but I'll try. Hopefully I capture the entire essence of what the sock causes =)
Tom, a normal guy, gains the ability to change reality in whatever fashion he pleases. And whatever changes he makes becomes the norm with everyone acting as if the changes were always present. Even though many changes are possible the only changes Tom will be creating is size related
It is a damn shame that the author that picked up after this chapter didn't continue with Kelly and her story arc, and instead just kicked it to the curb. Ah well. This is exactly the sort of reason why I stopped contributing to interactives on writing.com years ago, because there's nothing to prevent someone else from hijacking what I had intended and steering it off in a completely different direction, which made things very frustrating and completely sapped all the fun out of it. At least with the static non-interactive stories you have full dictatorial control over it and its direction, but then you have to do the entire work yourself, and it holds nothing new for you because it was conjured entirely from your own mind. So there are downsides to both approaches, but in the end I believe a lot of people come to the conclusion that it is simply not worth doing either, and quit completely.
In a world where a small percentage of the population falls victim to a shrinking disorder, one teenager gives in to her darker desires.
And then convinces her friend to do so as well.
One does not simply travel through someone's digestive system alive. There is no breathable air either in the stomach or the colon so all of the victims would have asphyxiated within a few minutes. Putting that aside, how is it possible that Nicky could listen to the screams of the twins in Madison's intestines yet their screams/pleas and Heidi's could not be heard when they were stuck in the cheesecake? I'd also have to give criticism to the "deus ex machina" of Heidi's shrinking, and the fact she just spontaneously appeared on the bottom of Nicky's foot yet was not crushed despite having been stepped on repeatedly.
I feel it would have been better if Madison had eaten her siblings unknowingly, because it seemed implausible how easily Nicky was able to talk her into it. Especially with Heidi and her parents. How would she explain it to them? Granted, Heidi is out of the picture, but as for her parents? I guess the solution would be a deus ex machina shrinking of the parents and their subsequent elimination.
$100 for this? Seriously?
I certainly respect your opinion in this matter, and normally I wouldn't write someone surviving well into the digestive process. Or the coincidental shrinking of the eldest sister. Or screams being heard through the equivalent of dozens of feet of solid muscle, fat, and flesh over digestive noises, but not being audible when a short distance of empty space away, on a slice of cake. But it was specifically what the commissioner wanted. They were quite particular on what they wanted, and I was more than happy to write it for them.
When it comes to the customer and their money, I'm not going to argue about the impracticality of their desired scenario, and certainly don't expect others to suspend their disbelief any further than they're comfortable with.
Regardless, I've always respected your work and appreciate your criticism.
A young man has created a growth formula and gives it to both his mother and himself to become the most powerful forces the world has ever seen.
Unless Elia is some SSBBW with like a 70" diameter ass (and you did not describe her this way), I don't see how she was able to crush the entirety of Germany with just a single sit at this point in the story with her being as large as described thus far. it just doesn't seem feasible - not that any of this is, but you know what I mean. Germany isn't that much smaller than France, you know.
The first alternative ending was the best and should have been the default, in my opinion. However, it could have been better if instead of simply dying inside of Mary's colon, they had managed to survive and make that their new home. You described Mrs. Barnes as already having a bun in the oven, so that would be a good start towards this newly married couple being like Adam and Eve and creating a new civilization inside of Mary's colon. There was also the Limo driver, but that might make things a bit awkward I suppose. Mary could have also added more people into her colon, like the little asian girl you mentioned at the end. The more people she would put in there, the merrier, and increase the odds that this fledgling civilization can take root and survive in there.
So it need not have been such an unhappy ending for the Barnes couple. Why have them die like that when instead Mary's colon could have become their new home?
Also, a couple more things I feel could have been improved: 1) the other car speeds off and is never heard of again, and it is never explained who was in it or why they were driving like lunatics. Wish there were more details to explain what the deal was with that. 2) When Mary takes a dump at the end of that alternative ending you mention theres the shrunken stroller with her son on the counter, but it isn't explained how or why he ended up in that predicament. In the official ending and the other alternative ending he is not shrunk, but here it is and the details about that are missing.
So this is kinda like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Except instead of Chocolate, it is shit.
