Date: October 17 2022 2:36 AM Title: Zuri
Neat setting. NWO type stories are among my favorites. I actually came up with something similar: A futuristic society where men are mass produced in cloning factories and used as food, pets, toys, resources, etc. Except in that setting the women are about 1000 feet tall compared to the men.
Author's Response:
Thanks. I was inspired by various NWO stories and authors. Such an interesting fantasy
[Report This]Date: October 17 2022 12:08 AM Title: Zuri
Posting all my thoughts on all the chapters in one go.
Chapter 1: Stories that start by delivering on a simple fantasy are always fun to read. You did a good job expanding on the setting without interrupting the action. The last paragraph in particular is always nice to see in stories like this.
Chapter 2: Liked the two exhausted paragraphs. Straight to the point. Introduced what roles Haley and the guy play while also contrasting them. Personally, I would have brought up how the “game” she’s playing with him is similar to soccer drills.
Chapter 3: The concept is pretty silly, but that’s exactly what I was looking for, so don’t take that as a negative. Not sure you needed to go that in depth into the supply chain and consumer habits of the people buying these things for a story like this, but I suppose it depends on what you want to do with this information.
Chapter 4: Again, I like that you start with the action. That’s really important for super short stories like these and you are nailing them. This one was a little hard to follow because you refer to multiple characters as “the man” and suddenly started referring to “the boy” as “the man” in the last quarter.
Good work so far. Keep it up.
Author's Response:
Thank you! I'm still trying to improve my writing, so I appreciate your feedback regarding chapter 4. I much prefer writing in the short-story format compared to a long narrative, so I'm glad you like it.