[Report This]Date: May 22 2025 9:07 PM Title: Chapter 12 - A Giant Misstep
I'm already loving this so much!
Ben is already seeing Angie so differently in more ways than one. That moment when she's studying him so intensely from so high above (while on a knee even!) and he felt that tightening in his chest that this goddess had deemed him worthy of her concern was such a cool moment! It was well set up by him selling her size so well as soon as she stepped into the room (and almost on him!). But it was also great to see him overcome that feeling and remind himself that this is what being tiny can do to you. He reminded himself that this was just Angie and that it was normal for a person to be worried about someone they almost hurt, allowing him to pull out of that trance.
At least for now. I have a feeling that may not be the only time he ends up feeling this way around her during this session (or maybe beyond; oh shit! Could you imagine if he started seeing her that way at school, when they're both the same size?).
It should also be noted that this new perception could be going both ways, too. While it's normal to be concerned about someone you almost step on, the intensity and curiosity she shows here could be part of that protective, affectionate mentality clients can develop for their tiny technicians. The way she smiled at him holding onto her thumb for balance could part of that, too. Or maybe she just thought it was cute! Either way, that little joke Ben cracked seemed to bring her back to reality a bit as well.
But more importantly, Ben is getting to see the softer side of Angie. It was touching to see his reaction to her laugh after that joke, realizing that he's never heard such a sincere giggle from her before. That's kind of sad as well, actually. These two are so lost in their rivalry and fear of rejection that it literally takes him being shrunk to three inches tall and hiding behind a mask for them to see each other for who they really are. I'm really hopeful (and optimistic) that we'll see more of this as the session goes on.
And I don't know why exactly, but Angie calling Ben "tiny person" really struck a chord with me. It just seemed so sweet, so endearingly innocent. Yeah, I'm really starting to like Angie!
As for the "misstep" itself, that was a nice little mistake (that nearly had major consequences) for Ben to make. It was fairly reasonable for him to think he had more time to wander around and there was a ladder there for him to get down, so him being on the floor when Angie walked in didn't feel like a boneheaded, plot-serving error on his part. It was a completely reasonable, honest mistake. He thought he had 15 more minutes. Although, with what little we do know about Angie, it also makes perfect sense that she'd show up early, so that felt pretty natural too.
And Ben's time on the floor is well described, too. From the wind generated by the door opening almost knocking him over to her voice booming overhead as she called out for someone to those gigantic flipflops making seismic quakes as they came down too close for comfort, everything just felt ... big in that moment!
I like Kimberly as a character, and her advice and tiny transporting skills were great! Describing her palm as a "vast expanse of skin lines and life paths" was pretty awesome, too!
That being said, I do have a small critique here. Is there a reason this couldn't have been Denise? The reason I ask is that you've thrown a lot of characters at us so far, some of which you've admitted aren't going to play a serious role in the story. I understand why a lot of them are there, like with having the orientation tinies be different from the training tinies, as you wanted Ben to stand out as being uniquely ready to start work after his first day. That makes perfect sense.
But, unless something is going to happen later in the story, I don't understand why we're seeing a new character here. There's nothing wrong with Kimberly being introduced here, but throwing another character into the mix, even if they don't play a major role in the chapters ahead, risks confusing the reader. My best guess is that Kimberly exists because it's more realistic to have more than one person working the front desk depending on their schedules. If so, it's cool you put that much thought into this, but at the same time, I don't think anyone else would have even considered that, so keeping Denise in that role would have just made more sense anyway.
Then again, maybe there's a plot-related reason for this and I'm assuming too much. If so, please disregard that critique.
But hey, this was an excellent chapter overall! I know I kept using the word "anticipation" and you maybe seemed a little worried that this first session wouldn't deliver, but it already has with this beginning part alone! And all that buildup has made their interactions so far so much sweeter, and we haven't even gotten to the "good stuff" yet!
Author's Response:
You can bet Ben will go a bit easier on her after all of this, I can say that much. Who wouldn't after seeing your rival like that? There will be some after-effects of that, that's for sure.
I'm glad you're starting to like Angie, even though there's not much you would know about her yet at this point (but soon). It's pretty hard to make someone likeable enough without the reader knowing what she's thinking.
It's a good point you made concerning Kimberly and Denise! I started working on this story quite some time ago, and Denise was just a name I had in mind for a receptionist character. I didn't think I wanted to use more of that past the initial part early on but then I changed my mind later and added Kimberly with an actual description, and who will show to have a bit more personality to her as the story goes on. I guess I could have went back and rewrote it to have Kimberly all along as I went along but I decided to leave it like that, it didn't seem too out of place to have several receptionists anyway. But I really like Kimberly as she turned out and she's the one that sticks around all the way. No more roster changes, I promise!
Glad you're liking it as it is so far, and I appreciate the insight, as usual :)