Reviewer: DoNotWant321 Signed [Report This]
Date: May 24 2025 4:00 PM Title: Chapter 14 - The Complete Package

Long review incoming.

I have to admit, this story is not my usual cup of tea (I tend to prefer growth scenarios). Not only is this story not my usual cup of tea, but its summary is actually full of red flags for me. The chapter-word ratio is way too high, the teenager tag is something I always avoid (for good reason), and the summary is in second-person, a perspective I almost never, ever see done and even more rarely see done well.

I overlooked this story for a long time, but I noticed how consistently you're uploading it and I noticed the review score was stellar. So curiosity got the better of me and I skimmed the reviews, which piqued my interest. Then I peeked at your reviews and noticed a lot of your comments about other writing echo many of my own thoughts (and frankly, frustrations) about the genre. 

So I reluctantly took the plunge. And I was pleasantly surprised. Though I still think this story would benefit more from a first-person perspective than a second-person perspective (since the latter projects characterization onto the reader and can make it difficult for people to identify with the protagonist/narrator), you have handled it exceptionally well so far. Maybe that's just because I'm a former debate nerd myself and that makes me more receptive to Benjamin's characterization, but I don’t think any of his thoughts or actions in the story are all that implausible. Sure, I would handle some things differently if I were actually him, but I can still immerse myself in the plot regardless..

Without a doubt, the best part of the story for me is the characterization. This is a tragically neglected aspect of most size fiction since most authors are more concerned with the action than taking the time to actually set up characters. Your dialogue is great and you do a fantastic job of distinguishing characters from one another and establishing their roles in the story with minimal text. The characters within the story are consistent throughout, though I can tell there is ample room for development, particularly in the protagonist and deuteragonist. 

I also really appreciate the worldbuilding and the care you took with establishing the setting. Though I do have some quibbles (the explanation of the size-changing technology makes no sense and I doubt such a novel and taboo company would be hiring uncertified high schoolers for this intimate enterprise), I can suspend my disbelief on those facets of the story for the sake of the plot. They're not immersion-breaking and frankly these kinds of contrivances are a staple of the young adult genre. 

Speaking of "young adult," that's exactly what kind of story this is. Though I can't say where you're going to take it in future chapters, I think so long as things don't get too erotic and the interactions are kept tasteful rather than gratuitous, this is not erotica. There are a lot of people that will say high school characters are problematic and that all characters on this site should be 18+ and I generally consider myself among them. However, young characters can exist and so long as their relationships and interactions are handled tastefully, I really don't see a problem with it. It's one thing if you're writing a fetish piece about abusing some young teen girl; it's entirely another to write a blossoming romance between two youths. Also, the ages haven't been explicitly said yet (unless I missed that, the only reference I have is that Maggie is 17) and given that Angie is graduating soon it's plausible that they're 18. I was 18 for the entirety of my senior year of high school, for instance. There is a lot of erotic writing on this website, but it’s not inherently an erotic website. You’re writing a young adult story with a size theme. Anyone who sees it as more perverse than that should get their minds out of the gutter (hopefully this comment doesn’t age horribly).

Since I've already brought up the topic of "future chapters" and my initial concerns with the story, I'd also like to bring up the issue of chapter length. I noticed it myself and I see it's come up in the reviews. Frankly, I have mixed feelings about it. There are no "hard and fast" rules for how long a chapter should be, though most novels have chapters that are approximately 4000 words in length (give or take 2000 words in either direction). Chapters don't have to have consistent length and there is no firm rule for how short or how long a chapter can be. However, there are some good practices. Generally, you want to end your chapters whenever there is a change in perspective or setting. Given that this story is told entirely from one perspective, the former is not relevant to this particular work. However, it is certainly appropriate to end a chapter whenever there is an abrupt shift in time or location. Even these practices are really more like "guidelines" than rules, though. I have written many chapters that violate these principles, changing both perspectives and locations within a single chapter. That's because I prefer to write my chapters thematically. If one chapter has a particular tone or revolves around a particular theme, I only end the chapter when there is a shift in the tone or theme. 

With that said, you should be conscious of the logistics of your chosen medium and why your readers might get frustrated with shorter chapters. For one thing, anyone that favorites the story will get spammed with email updates. For another, other authors may resent you for "hogging" the "most recent" page of the website with a 500 word update. It's generally frowned upon for a person to add such a small chapter or, even worse, add a chapter and then delete it in a vain attempt to get more eyes on their story. Finally, it staggers the reading experience. Ironically, this is actually what chapters are supposed to do. They are supposed to break up the story into smaller, more digestible chunks. However, nobody eats their peas one at a time. If you go a day or more between uploading chapters, that's at least a 24-hour delay for most of your attentive readers. That delay can be frustrating for a chapter that succinctly follows the previous chapter, as perhaps they will have to refresh themselves on the events of the last chapter because IRL events have altered their mood or interpretation of the story. My suggestion would be a middle path: don't force yourself to write longer chapters with more filler or action for the sake of a higher word count. You control the pace of the story. However, if you have a particularly short chapter, perhaps upload it alongside another chapter or two. I think that would resolve all of the above issues.

Now to get into the content of the story itself and what I like about it:
As mentioned before, your characterization is superb. I find Benjamin to be a very relatable, intelligent, and sympathetic character. Angie is likewise complex, given an appropriate mix of strengths and weaknesses, virtues and flaws. Of the supporting cast, my favorite has to be Morgan, as she seems both forthright, kind, and very emotionally-intelligent (maybe she’s psychic, too, because I don’t know when she read Benjamin’s texts with Angie XD). I don’t really detect any flaws with her yet, but frankly I don’t think she needs to have any and I also recognize we haven’t seen much of her or any of the minor characters yet. Maybe they’ll stay small elements of the supporting cast. Maybe they’ll become larger elements of the story. I could see a love triangle happening, but I'm not necessarily endorsing one, for instance (it's a little tropey, but some people love that kind of drama).

Also, one of my initial gripes with the story has actually turned into something I immensely appreciate. In the first chapters of the story, the descriptions of each character were fairly muted. Outside of Angie herself, we seldom got any descriptions of other characters’ appearances and even Angie’s descriptions were brief. Normally I like having these descriptions for character introductions since I’m a visual learner and it helps me immerse myself in the story. However, I recognize that this story is being told from the perspective of Benjamin and it may just be the case that Benjamin is not a particularly observant person (at least when it comes to aesthetics). Most debate-types aren’t very superficial, especially the more logic-oriented ones that struggle with eye contact. Angie's brief description actually makes her stand out that much more from the outset and it also develops both Benjamin and Angie when he notices more details about her appearance through their more intimate interactions. Perhaps this experience with Angie will further develop Benjamin in the future as he starts to notice more superficial details about the people around him. I’ll table this point for now, but I love this element of the story.

This review is already far too long, so I’ll stop here. In summary: great story! It’s always nice to see new people (including long-time lurkers) taking the plunge into content creation and especially doing so with such a high degree of competence and care. You will undoubtedly get a lot more feedback, both positive and negative, but my primary advice for you is to tell the story you want to tell how you want to tell it. Of course you should always consider feedback, as external perspectives are both invaluable and instructive. However, this is your project. Don’t derail it to appease or please others. You want to make your audience happy, but you should not diminish your creation in the attempt. Also, be wary of giving the squeaky wheel the grease. Oftentimes the loudest, most outspoken people aren't representative of a silent majority. For every person in your reviews that says, "please more foot stuff," there are probably a hundred lurkers that are much more invested in the plot and don't want to see it derailed by a gratuitous 3000 word description of Angela's ankle. It's your story. You control the pace. You control the content. And you can't please everybody, so don't diminish yourself in the attempt.

Author's Response:

Oh my goodness, that definitely is a long review. You're giving It Was Me a run for his money here! 

I don't even know how to start unpacking all of it but first off, I'm very happy to hear that you're enjoying the story and decide to give it a try, despite the fact that the theme isn't your usual cup of tea. If you happened to have read or peeked at my first story I put on the site, it's essentially the same thing. A coming-of-age story centered around two people that find each other in one way or another. And that story is one that was told in third person, I decided that I wanted to give it a go from just the main character's perspective.  You actually make a very good point that first-person might have been better overall, but I felt more comfortable with second-person, it felt more natural to do it that way but it's also due to inexperience on my part.

But yeah. Just like the first story, there's not much in the ways of erotica. There's some shenanigans here and there but nothing that ever goes too far. I primarily enjoy creating wholesome stories around young adults that learn to navigate their problems and experience their first real love, coupled with the fun things that size can bring to a story (I enjoy size erotica of course, that's why I'm here like most, but I don't feel confident that I could create that kind of story yet)

About the size-changing technology, there's always suspense of disbelief when it comes to size changing but I did try to explain that in some ways. Since it's still very recent technology, and it's hard for the salon to recruit potential workers that want to shrink down (since that's the appeal of their entire gimmick), they typically recruit high schoolers to young college students (the ones that were there alongside Ben).  

I'll definitely try to tell the story the way I want it to, but I also very much take readers' feedback to heart. Even if views are really high, written reviews are a rare luxury to enjoy for most authors, and I'm the kind of person that really wants to hear if I can do something better or if there's something about the story that's lacking. I'm definitely always on the lookout for constructive criticism I've already decided to add some more length to the chapters for now while still keeping the theme of the chapter itself in check, and hope that'll be an improvement in general.

Lastly, thanks a ton for the very in-depth review and analysis of the story and everything in it, I very much appreciate it! You're always welcome to add more criticism for future chapters wherever needed, that's always helpful!