[Report This]Date: June 17 2025 7:38 AM Title: Chapter 35 - Grounded
I was wondering how you'd work in some size shenanigans outside of Tiny Treatments. The re-sizing chamber having issues is a pretty good idea!
But first, man, how about that confession! You portrayed Ben's nervousness in the moment perfectly. He had settled in just before this, but this is a big deal (he, in all his teenage drama glory, had called this probably one of the most important conversations of his life, after all), and him struggling to get the words out and almost giving up altogether was pretty realistic.
And I love that Angie encouraged him the way she did. Yeah, she started with some light teasing, but once she saw that he was really having trouble, she was there to let him know that it was okay to say what he had to say. That little tilting of the chin with her index finger was really sweet, too!
I also enjoyed her comment about having him in the palm of her hand both literally and figuratively. Because yeah, she could have destroyed him in that moment, not just physically, but emotionally as well, if she really wanted to. He was hanging on her every word at that point, and I like that she took a second to tease it, maybe even savor that level of attention from him, before letting him off the hook and admitting that she feels the same way.
It was a nice touch to have them both note that they've been into each other for a long time but really fell for one another at particular moments: Ben when she told him about her teaching aspirations and Angie when she saw his dedication to his family. I think it was an important distinction, pointing out the difference between a crush or romantic curiosity and truly being interested in someone once you see who they really are. It was also great to see you draw back on those moments, too, as they were both powerful and touching.
Again, you nailed Angie's size perfectly! The platform trembling at the slightest twitch of her toes really sells the power she has over Ben in that moment. And again, him having to look so far up just to get a look at the face of the girl he likes makes me smile every time.
I do have some slight criticism here. While I like the idea of re-sizing chamber being broken, I think you could have executed that part of the scene in a way that maintained a better suspension of disbelief.
I had two small problems with this scene.
First, Kimberly barging in and announcing the issue in front of a client is kind of unprofessional, isn't it? Granted, Kimberly isn't perfect, as the phone issue showed a few chapters back, but bringing a client into a work-related issue seems like a pretty big mistake, even if she's stressed about it.
To be fair, I did like how upset she seemed about the problem, both because it shows how much she cares about Ben and because it makes the lack of professionalism a tiny bit more palatable from a believability standpoint. So I can kind of get over this one, especially since I'm guessing the reason Angie needed to know is that she's about to become Ben's caretaker, which sounds incredibly fun!
Second, and much more importantly, the company sending Ben off to a "trusted caretaker" doesn't seem practical to me. What if Ben is a terrible judge of character? If something happens to him, the company would be liable, even if Ben chose the bad caretaker. The fact that he's stuck tiny is their fault, so it's hard to believe they wouldn't cover their asses and make him stay at on site until the machine was fixed and he was back to normal size.
I think this could have been rectified if Ben had fought (in this chapter or the next) to be released to a person of his choosing, and someone (like Angie) would have to sign a waiver alongside Ben absolving the company of blame before letting her take him out of their protection.
This is a small nitpick, and I can overlook it because I like the overall direction the story is going in, but I did find it hard to believe that the company's protocols would ignore obvious issues with him being released from them. I don't think this needed to be a big thing, maybe just a sentence or two explaining the situation and another one with both Angie and Ben signing agreements, but I feel like this should have been addressed. Who knows, though? Maybe you've got that covered somehow at the start of the next chapter.
But despite having some criticism in this review, I absolutely loved this chapter! The confession was everything it needed to be and more, and I'm now all-in on Angie and Ben as a prospective couple. They're a lot of fun together. And I'm also eager to see Ben be taken from Tiny Treatments and entrusted (most likely) to Angie's care (even if I thought that part could have been written in a more believable way).
I'm already envisioning Angie taking Ben to that family dinner, maybe even a regional debate prep session over the weekend! There's a lot of fun stuff you could do with this, so I'm interested to see what you have in mind!
Author's Response:
Hey, you know by now I love criticism of any sort to work with!
The first issue about Kimberly barging in. Since she knows they're acquainted and would probably want/need to hear the situation, it made sense to me, so that was kind of the logic there.
On the second issue, funny enough I did make sure to address that point in the next part in a hopefully proper way (nothing too special), but I did leave it on an awkward note here for the sake of a cliffhanger haha.
But even then, I do agree that it would seem a bit odd otherwise that they'd simply hand him over since the company would be liable.
I did have a lot of fun coming up with some new situations that break away from TT for once, I hope it's something people will enjoy reading! And as always, I appreciate the constructive feedback. :)