Reviewer: Milla Signed [Report This]
Date: May 29 2022 3:34 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.

Please, don't accept anything lower than five-stars for this story! For a writer who claims to be a novice, you did a text far better than many stories I've read which were written by experienced authors! Really, congrats for that!

I loved the way you built a totally new culture, giving us even a map so we can visually situate ourselves on the story, very gentle and also smart from your part, I must add. Also, you went so perfectly deep into details, without being boring, that you story even resembles some real-life cultures in some details. For example, Chinese women usually marries dressing red. Your story showed a different reason they use red but being able to relate to similar traits in real life makes your story palpable, realistic.

Even the plot holes aren't really plot holes. I can give examples. One of them is that one could say that, for a ban which exists for only five years, the people seems too used to that, as if it were actually way older. But we must remember, they're in a kingdom, who disobeys will probably suffer capital punishment, so no one dares to disobey lol.

Another thing is how the dresses are red because of the risk of the tiny being squished under the woman's butt. One could say that this doesn't fit because the magic should just work, but as we see in your story, Ana tests the magic first. So it's believable that sometimes the magic just fails, thus the need of using red in the dresses.

The pace you used in your story is just perfect, I'd never change it. Ok, to talk about pace is risky because it's a matter of opinion, but for me it was just in place. You focused precisely on the main happenings, giving us readers increasingly glimpses of what was to come. And the world built for this story is superb. your story ended up being the first chapter, the introductory portion, of tons of possible stories, all of them very likely to be very very enjoyable!

I'd like to write more but DiveDiveburner already said most of what I was going to say, so I guess he also saw what I saw! (I only disagree with his opinion about the pace, as I like it and found it to be just perfect - all the rest, I fully agree with him! It's like he did read my mind lol.)

Still, congrats, and I'm waiting to read more from you!

Author's Response:

Wow, thanks for the very detailed review. As well as all the praise. 

I’m a bit obsessed with world building I guess, I’d love to be able to write good or attractive characters but it’s still something I still need to work on. But overall I am still proud of this chapter at least. 11k words on a single chapter is my highest yet, and even then as others pointed out, I still was a little unbalanced on pacing. (Although I guess it’s a subjective thing as you found that aspect alright.) 

I really want to expand more on this world, but first I want to finish my first story. (After all, it’s a bad feeling when a story is left unfinished.) After that I’ll probably start shifting attention towards possible routes I could take this one. Maybe focus on a new country or have these characters explore a new one. Or maybe I could focus on a different character from this story in an older time period. (E.g Miranda back during a more crueler era) or something. Guess at the very least I’ve got plenty of ideas.

Again, thank you very much on your review. It means a lot! I hope you review more of my works if they ever pique your interest!

Reviewer: Divediveburners Signed [Report This]
Date: May 28 2022 3:29 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.

This was a chronicle, and I finished that doorstopper chapter in 10 minutes, I believe.

The "society of giantesses who need tiny men to reproduce" was a concept I haven't really seen, despite the nature of this site. I've thought about it for awhile, but never put it to paper. You took the initiative and fleshed it out rather nicely. I rather like how you exposit the various traditions and culture of the giantess society, carried out through conversation, or even through action. It tends to come across more naturally, and in my opinion, allows the reader to more actively recall them.

It appears the kingdom of Ranate was not such a pleasant place a few years before, and it was specifically due to Ana, that relationships between giantess and man became more benevolent. You've done a good job of establishing that these not so gentle traditions, or attitudes at least, are carrying on in some form.

Leon so far, appears to be a reactive protagonist. We've got a good handle on his backstory, but he seems to be "along for the ride" at this point. As the story picks up, I'd like to see him make active decisions, that at least change his own situation.

Ana appears to be pretty fun and playful. I know you've withheld exactly how and why she purged the more cruel practices of Renate. It appears it was well-received, in the most part. I'm interested in getting the backstory on that.

As for the writing, you've refined your craft from the previous story. There were segments I thought were incredibly rushed, but not too many. For example, the journey Miranda takes carrying Leon to the castle I think could have been fleshed out more. But, overall, the improvement in your writing is significant. Since this isn't a one-shot (at least, that's the implication), I'll rate when more chapters come out.

Author's Response:

I’m glad people are picking up on the smaller details I’m adding in (Ranate is a nicer place due to Ana etc).

As for my writing itself, thank you very much for the high praise. Although as you’ve said, pacing wise I could do better. I did somewhat realise I rushed the beginning segment to get the actual relationship part. 

Now, for where I want to take this story. Perhaps I’m just a bit foolishly, overly ambitious but I kinda want to really utilise the world in its maximum affect. Adding in new characters from new locations and exploring new locations.

As you said, this is basically a door stopper chapter. It introduces us this world, and two very significant characters. (Though I mentioned other ones too. E.g Miranda, Beth) as well as significant details about them, and things they’ve done in the past. To expand on this, I wanted to add more chapters (or hell new entire stories set in the same world) to really flesh out the concept.  (For example, I rushed the part with Miranda as I thought I could flesh her out at a different point/story.) 

An example is a new chapter or a new story idea is to explore a theocratic country. (Perhaps someone from Ranate invades there. Perhaps it’s a new character. Perhaps the ruler is a giantess? Etc) 

Yeah, I realise it sounds a bit too ambitious. But it’s exciting enough for me to want to write that. 

For the point about Leon as a character, I’ve realised I struggle with the characterisation of how to make the tiny interesting. But, everyone loves a bit of character development. So we’ll see where that takes us.

Again, thanks for the review. I hope you continue to follow along if more updates are to come!