Date: June 15 2023 6:26 AM Title: Pool Toy
A pool boy, huh? What, was the pizza delivery guy too busy?
But seriously, this was a fun little one-shot. I'm always amazed at just how quickly you're able to make your characters stand out from one another and engage the reader in a fun way.
In particular, I enjoyed the contrast between Sofia and Cynthia regarding their attitudes toward Parker. Sofia seemed more carefree with him, really just having fun playing with him. Cynthia, on the other hand, while also having the same carefree spirit one would expect of a cliché rich girl, repeatedly checks on Parker (something Sofia doesn't think to do once), even if she keeps her smug mentality as she does so.
That contrast really helps highlight Cynthia's interest in Parker, which is pretty subtly hinted at throughout the story. She's interested enough in him to make sure he's enjoying being tiny. She even wanted to grow him back pretty much right away, showing that shrinking was really just her way of getting his attention. I also like how hesitant she was when Sofia stuffed him inside her and how she was mildly annoyed after the fact, implying that while Cynthia enjoyed him in there, she would have rather not gone that far with him, at least not before getting to know him better (or at least making sure he was into it) first.
Having the way Parker's reactions to the girls' games serving as the building blocks of his budding relationship with Cynthia was also a nice touch. It seemed that the more enthusiastic and brave Parker was, the more into him Cynthia was. Again, the subtlety with which you establish this, without clearly spelling it out directly, is very rewarding to read.
But yeah, this was a really enjoyable quick read!
Author's Response:
Hey I didn't choose the contest theme! pool boy porno is a tried and tested formula lol. Honestly I can't get into written smut unless there's a bit of characterization lol. Anyways yeah Sofia mostly sees him as the day's entertainment, while Cynthia is actually into him and is basically looking for a way to get him in several senses.
Date: June 14 2023 11:04 PM Title: Pool Toy
This is incredible. I love the characterization of Cynthia and Parker, Cynthia being concerned for Parker's well-being (which I wasn't expecting from a spoiled, rich girl archetype) and Parker being recklessly into shrinking.
Author's Response: Thanks! I figured that, spoiled as she is, Cynthia's not evil, so while she wants to toy with him she does want to make sure he's okay.
Date: June 14 2023 10:53 PM Title: Pool Toy
Amazing story! I love all three characters, and how they build on each other. I hope to see more chapters of these three, and maybe a building romance between all three?
Author's Response:
I wrote it as a quick one shot for the contest, so this is probably it, but every great one shot leaves you wanting more, right?
Date: June 14 2023 8:06 PM Title: Pool Toy
Wow! This was fun to read. I like how it starts off with any other pool boy scenario, but it quickly gets interesting when the girls take action.
I also like how the girls have slightly different personalities, yet it felt realistic. Sofia is turned on by Parker so she encourages Cynthia to be more forward and Sofia is the one driving the fun. Cynthia has already seen Parker a few times and isn’t sure how to get his attention so Sofia’s ideas work will to get Parker interested.
I also like how Parker is also into this as well. It’s fun to see him enjoy this and the girls try to test him with all these ideas on how to play with him and see if he’s still into it or not.
In addition, it’s interesting how you established that shrink rays exist in this world and that it seems like only the rich and powerful have one so it makes sense that Cynthia is likely to own one. Love how she justified it as a self-defense gift from her dad.
Lastly, I love the ending since I think that’s every pool boy’s dream.
Great story!
Author's Response:
Yeah shrink rays are probably mostly for rich people in universe, like they exist but they can't be too common or some of the surprise is lost, right? Anyway yeah Parker is living the dream there at the end, I have a feeling this won't be the last time he's tiny.
Date: June 14 2023 7:40 PM Title: Pool Toy
Realy goood! 👌
Author's Response:
Thanks!