[Report This]Date: May 15 2025 11:35 AM Title: Chapter 5: The professional
I absolutely love this. Conceptually it’s perfectly to my taste - being shown how vore can be ‘safe’ for the prey if handled in a controlled way is an interesting approach from the therapist, and then choosing to trust his girlfriend with this too is a great setup for something great later (imagining my girlfriend convincing me to be shrunken down promising that she won’t get carried away, only to do exactly that when I’m smaller, allowing herself to be driven entirely by the NEED to swallow and digest me is just *chefs kiss*). I also love the size you went for, it feels more personal at 12 inches as opposed to the more standard few inches tall.
But I assume you wanted feedback on the writing itself not the content! Below is just my personal opinion, not intended to offend in any way, use / ignore it as you see fit!
- The way the sentences are structured is great. Short snappy sentences at pivotal points, or highlighting realisations such as how John realises he’s into it. It paces the story really well, speeding it up and slowing it down where necessary.
- More of a formatting critique but having them both speak in the same paragraph for me is a departure from the way stories are normally formatted, but not something that most people on here would probably care about.
- This may be my personal preference but I would cut back on the italicisation as there is quite a lot of it. I get that you want to guide the reader into emphasising certain words to elevate their reading experience, but I would use it primarily for a character’s thoughts, with only a couple of instances outside of that for those emphasise to really stand out.
- Again, personal preference but I would like more insight into why these characters enjoy vore, because there are a variety of reasons preds for example feel a desire to consume someone, and I can already imagine that Dr. Korrin and Violet may find differing aspects of vore to be what drives those urges. For example some people like just the pure control they have, others are turned on by the animalistic, primal nature of the act, either because they’re allocating themselves and their snack to different positions in the food chain, or because they see it (the predator and prey relationship) as natural, and others (like my girlfriend) crave the idea that their partner, who thought they could trust them, has that belief and any related hope slowly eroded as they’re toyed with and teased before they’re swallowed, they love imagining that their partner’s final moments are spent realising that their fear, pain, struggling, and trust were nothing more than a means to an end to provide their partner with an unparalleled night of carnal pleasure.
- I’m trying to use the ‘praise - critiques - praise’ method of reviewing here but I can’t articulate anything else specific to highlight - it’s just really good! I liked the inclusion of an excerpt from the therapist’s presentation at the start of Chapter 6, I liked the length of both chapters, I just want to read more!
I hope the above helps, it’s not much but take that as a compliment!