[Report This]Date: May 25 2025 7:43 AM Title: Chapter 14 - The Complete Package
Yeah, that last question is a fair one. Whether it be from anger or embarrassment, the last thing Angie is going to want to do when she finds out the truth is see Ben again, let alone talk to him!
Ben once again kind of skirts that moral line, steering the conversation toward himself (didn't Kimberly warn him not to do that?). But again, I don't think he had malicious intent or even realized what he was doing. I think he was just into the conversation and was trying to comprehend this new side of Angie that he had never seen before. Oh, and he was probably trying to find the best way to bury the hatchet between them, now that he realizes that she doesn't actually hate him and isn't the cold-hearted monster she thought she was.
But yeah, none of that is going to make Angie feel any less violated when she finds out that it was Ben she's been saying all this to. That's going to be tough for her to deal with, and I'm really curious how Ben navigates that on his end when the time comes.
Angle's backstory is a sad one. Not tragic or dramatic, but sad, and realistic to boot! Based on what she said before, I figured her parents were ... less than supportive of her. But to see them plan out her whole life, without consideration for what she wants and not even noticing her real passion, is frustrating! I'm sure her parents really just want what they think is best for her, but it sounds like being an attorney is something she has no interest in. Havard and Yale sound great, but not if you want to be a middle school teacher instead of a politician, judge, or lawyer. Hopefully she can find some way to get her parents to understand this. I'd hate to see three-inch Benjamin have to take them out, after all.
Hearing Angie be so sure that it's too late to fix things between Ben and her made me feel bad for her. She's clearly been trying to put an effort into being nicer, but she's so set in how things are that it's not coming out quite right. So to know that she's trying to fight what she thinks is a losing battle also makes me admire her even more. And now that Ben wants to repair things and is even giving her advice encouraging her to do the same, I hope we get to see these two start to get along outside of massage treatments. Hell, I can almost see Angie's shocked face when Ben is actually nice to her!
Ben was brief when asked why he's working at Tiny Treatments, but he told the truth. And it's awesome that Angie asked. Despite knowing nothing about this guy, she legitimately cares about him and feels a real bond. Like she said, that may be because he actually listens to her, but personally, I think Ben and Angie just have a great natural rapport. They just couldn't stop arguing for long enough to realize it. Maybe someone like Morgan has, though.
Speaking of which, it was a small thing, but I love that Morgan told Angie Ben's secret about practicing his rebuttals! I suspected that Morgan was just as close to Angie as she was to Ben, and this more or less confirms that. Ben thought Morgan was in his corner this whole time, when really she's just been trying to humanize them in each other's eyes. I wonder if Ben will notice this the next time he sees Morgan.
Back to Angie, you did a really great job conveying all of her insecurities and concerns here! Unlike that harsh shell she wore in front of Ben, she's so easy to get behind here. And it's great how supportive Ben has been for each layer of herself Angie has revealed so far. Never once, even when she told him something she found truly embarrassing, has he judged her internally. The truth is, he needed to hear these things from her. It's the only way he could ever get past the rut they've been stuck in all this time. Despite how poorly he's handled this conversation so far and how much it's going to bite him in the ass at some point, his heart is truly in the right place.
You also did a hell of a job describing the massage itself! I love those little twitches of Angie's fingers, as well as the fact that she made sure that none of them bothered Ben in the least. And the way you noted that Ben was finding knots that no normal-sized person could find, ones Angie didn't even know existed? Perfect! This sells the whole concept of Tiny Treatments in this world better than anything else could. It was awesome, and it totally made sense.
Angie not realizing that feet were part of the package and being self-conscious about it was really fucking cute! And I love how Ben is seeing the metaphorical side of it all, with him literally being at his rival's feet. But Angie is actually pretty awesome, so I don't think he has anything to worry about. You know, provided that mask doesn't slip off anytime soon!
[Report This]Date: May 24 2025 4:00 PM Title: Chapter 14 - The Complete Package
Long review incoming.
I have to admit, this story is not my usual cup of tea (I tend to prefer growth scenarios). Not only is this story not my usual cup of tea, but its summary is actually full of red flags for me. The chapter-word ratio is way too high, the teenager tag is something I always avoid (for good reason), and the summary is in second-person, a perspective I almost never, ever see done and even more rarely see done well.
I overlooked this story for a long time, but I noticed how consistently you're uploading it and I noticed the review score was stellar. So curiosity got the better of me and I skimmed the reviews, which piqued my interest. Then I peeked at your reviews and noticed a lot of your comments about other writing echo many of my own thoughts (and frankly, frustrations) about the genre.
So I reluctantly took the plunge. And I was pleasantly surprised. Though I still think this story would benefit more from a first-person perspective than a second-person perspective (since the latter projects characterization onto the reader and can make it difficult for people to identify with the protagonist/narrator), you have handled it exceptionally well so far. Maybe that's just because I'm a former debate nerd myself and that makes me more receptive to Benjamin's characterization, but I don’t think any of his thoughts or actions in the story are all that implausible. Sure, I would handle some things differently if I were actually him, but I can still immerse myself in the plot regardless..
Without a doubt, the best part of the story for me is the characterization. This is a tragically neglected aspect of most size fiction since most authors are more concerned with the action than taking the time to actually set up characters. Your dialogue is great and you do a fantastic job of distinguishing characters from one another and establishing their roles in the story with minimal text. The characters within the story are consistent throughout, though I can tell there is ample room for development, particularly in the protagonist and deuteragonist.
I also really appreciate the worldbuilding and the care you took with establishing the setting. Though I do have some quibbles (the explanation of the size-changing technology makes no sense and I doubt such a novel and taboo company would be hiring uncertified high schoolers for this intimate enterprise), I can suspend my disbelief on those facets of the story for the sake of the plot. They're not immersion-breaking and frankly these kinds of contrivances are a staple of the young adult genre.
Speaking of "young adult," that's exactly what kind of story this is. Though I can't say where you're going to take it in future chapters, I think so long as things don't get too erotic and the interactions are kept tasteful rather than gratuitous, this is not erotica. There are a lot of people that will say high school characters are problematic and that all characters on this site should be 18+ and I generally consider myself among them. However, young characters can exist and so long as their relationships and interactions are handled tastefully, I really don't see a problem with it. It's one thing if you're writing a fetish piece about abusing some young teen girl; it's entirely another to write a blossoming romance between two youths. Also, the ages haven't been explicitly said yet (unless I missed that, the only reference I have is that Maggie is 17) and given that Angie is graduating soon it's plausible that they're 18. I was 18 for the entirety of my senior year of high school, for instance. There is a lot of erotic writing on this website, but it’s not inherently an erotic website. You’re writing a young adult story with a size theme. Anyone who sees it as more perverse than that should get their minds out of the gutter (hopefully this comment doesn’t age horribly).
Since I've already brought up the topic of "future chapters" and my initial concerns with the story, I'd also like to bring up the issue of chapter length. I noticed it myself and I see it's come up in the reviews. Frankly, I have mixed feelings about it. There are no "hard and fast" rules for how long a chapter should be, though most novels have chapters that are approximately 4000 words in length (give or take 2000 words in either direction). Chapters don't have to have consistent length and there is no firm rule for how short or how long a chapter can be. However, there are some good practices. Generally, you want to end your chapters whenever there is a change in perspective or setting. Given that this story is told entirely from one perspective, the former is not relevant to this particular work. However, it is certainly appropriate to end a chapter whenever there is an abrupt shift in time or location. Even these practices are really more like "guidelines" than rules, though. I have written many chapters that violate these principles, changing both perspectives and locations within a single chapter. That's because I prefer to write my chapters thematically. If one chapter has a particular tone or revolves around a particular theme, I only end the chapter when there is a shift in the tone or theme.
With that said, you should be conscious of the logistics of your chosen medium and why your readers might get frustrated with shorter chapters. For one thing, anyone that favorites the story will get spammed with email updates. For another, other authors may resent you for "hogging" the "most recent" page of the website with a 500 word update. It's generally frowned upon for a person to add such a small chapter or, even worse, add a chapter and then delete it in a vain attempt to get more eyes on their story. Finally, it staggers the reading experience. Ironically, this is actually what chapters are supposed to do. They are supposed to break up the story into smaller, more digestible chunks. However, nobody eats their peas one at a time. If you go a day or more between uploading chapters, that's at least a 24-hour delay for most of your attentive readers. That delay can be frustrating for a chapter that succinctly follows the previous chapter, as perhaps they will have to refresh themselves on the events of the last chapter because IRL events have altered their mood or interpretation of the story. My suggestion would be a middle path: don't force yourself to write longer chapters with more filler or action for the sake of a higher word count. You control the pace of the story. However, if you have a particularly short chapter, perhaps upload it alongside another chapter or two. I think that would resolve all of the above issues.
Now to get into the content of the story itself and what I like about it:
As mentioned before, your characterization is superb. I find Benjamin to be a very relatable, intelligent, and sympathetic character. Angie is likewise complex, given an appropriate mix of strengths and weaknesses, virtues and flaws. Of the supporting cast, my favorite has to be Morgan, as she seems both forthright, kind, and very emotionally-intelligent (maybe she’s psychic, too, because I don’t know when she read Benjamin’s texts with Angie XD). I don’t really detect any flaws with her yet, but frankly I don’t think she needs to have any and I also recognize we haven’t seen much of her or any of the minor characters yet. Maybe they’ll stay small elements of the supporting cast. Maybe they’ll become larger elements of the story. I could see a love triangle happening, but I'm not necessarily endorsing one, for instance (it's a little tropey, but some people love that kind of drama).
Also, one of my initial gripes with the story has actually turned into something I immensely appreciate. In the first chapters of the story, the descriptions of each character were fairly muted. Outside of Angie herself, we seldom got any descriptions of other characters’ appearances and even Angie’s descriptions were brief. Normally I like having these descriptions for character introductions since I’m a visual learner and it helps me immerse myself in the story. However, I recognize that this story is being told from the perspective of Benjamin and it may just be the case that Benjamin is not a particularly observant person (at least when it comes to aesthetics). Most debate-types aren’t very superficial, especially the more logic-oriented ones that struggle with eye contact. Angie's brief description actually makes her stand out that much more from the outset and it also develops both Benjamin and Angie when he notices more details about her appearance through their more intimate interactions. Perhaps this experience with Angie will further develop Benjamin in the future as he starts to notice more superficial details about the people around him. I’ll table this point for now, but I love this element of the story.
This review is already far too long, so I’ll stop here. In summary: great story! It’s always nice to see new people (including long-time lurkers) taking the plunge into content creation and especially doing so with such a high degree of competence and care. You will undoubtedly get a lot more feedback, both positive and negative, but my primary advice for you is to tell the story you want to tell how you want to tell it. Of course you should always consider feedback, as external perspectives are both invaluable and instructive. However, this is your project. Don’t derail it to appease or please others. You want to make your audience happy, but you should not diminish your creation in the attempt. Also, be wary of giving the squeaky wheel the grease. Oftentimes the loudest, most outspoken people aren't representative of a silent majority. For every person in your reviews that says, "please more foot stuff," there are probably a hundred lurkers that are much more invested in the plot and don't want to see it derailed by a gratuitous 3000 word description of Angela's ankle. It's your story. You control the pace. You control the content. And you can't please everybody, so don't diminish yourself in the attempt.
Author's Response:
Oh my goodness, that definitely is a long review. You're giving It Was Me a run for his money here!
I don't even know how to start unpacking all of it but first off, I'm very happy to hear that you're enjoying the story and decide to give it a try, despite the fact that the theme isn't your usual cup of tea. If you happened to have read or peeked at my first story I put on the site, it's essentially the same thing. A coming-of-age story centered around two people that find each other in one way or another. And that story is one that was told in third person, I decided that I wanted to give it a go from just the main character's perspective. You actually make a very good point that first-person might have been better overall, but I felt more comfortable with second-person, it felt more natural to do it that way but it's also due to inexperience on my part.
But yeah. Just like the first story, there's not much in the ways of erotica. There's some shenanigans here and there but nothing that ever goes too far. I primarily enjoy creating wholesome stories around young adults that learn to navigate their problems and experience their first real love, coupled with the fun things that size can bring to a story (I enjoy size erotica of course, that's why I'm here like most, but I don't feel confident that I could create that kind of story yet)
About the size-changing technology, there's always suspense of disbelief when it comes to size changing but I did try to explain that in some ways. Since it's still very recent technology, and it's hard for the salon to recruit potential workers that want to shrink down (since that's the appeal of their entire gimmick), they typically recruit high schoolers to young college students (the ones that were there alongside Ben).
I'll definitely try to tell the story the way I want it to, but I also very much take readers' feedback to heart. Even if views are really high, written reviews are a rare luxury to enjoy for most authors, and I'm the kind of person that really wants to hear if I can do something better or if there's something about the story that's lacking. I'm definitely always on the lookout for constructive criticism I've already decided to add some more length to the chapters for now while still keeping the theme of the chapter itself in check, and hope that'll be an improvement in general.
Lastly, thanks a ton for the very in-depth review and analysis of the story and everything in it, I very much appreciate it! You're always welcome to add more criticism for future chapters wherever needed, that's always helpful!
[Report This]Date: May 24 2025 7:50 AM Title: Chapter 13 - The Walls We Build Around Us
First, I'd like to respectfully disagree with sundown here. I get where he's coming from, but I personally love the pacing of this story. The letters for the word "anticipate" are starting to wear down from how many times I've typed it reviewing this story so far, and that's a good thing. I'm enjoying this Ben and Angie stuff so much because of the slower pacing and buildup. I've been waiting for it, and now I feel rewarded for my patience. Instant gratification isn't always best.
Also, you've been putting out chapters daily and they aren't super long. If you were on chapter 13 with each chapter being 10K words or longer (who writes chatpers that long anyw ... oh, right), then yeah, I'd say taking that long to get to this scene would be an issue. But you're not even to 15K words for the story yet, so I don't think this is an issue.
Now, if the story ends in the next three to five chapters, then I might change my mind on that. But I have no doubt that, now that we're here, we're going to have plenty of fun interaction between Ben and Angie.
Okay, with that out of the way, holy shit! This chapter was fantastic!
Ben's eyes are opening up right in front of us, and it's beautiful. He started seeing a softer side to her last chapter, but he's finally starting to understand that he's misjudged her all this time. That's already pretty satisfying in its own right, even if the desire to see Angie find out the truth will taunt me until it finally happens (which is what makes this particular trope so delicious!).
I'm falling for Angie already! She's so sweet and kind, but she's been hiding that behind a confidence that's never been real, and that's so relatable. Her façade had Ben completely fooled, and that has made things so much harder for the both of them. It's a defense mechanism on her part, but now she's always on the defensive.
I get it, though. Just from her saying that her parents think debate, the thing she loves more than anything, is a waste of time implies that her family isn't the most supportive. I could see her fighting for recognition and approval constantly at home, and of course that's going to carry over to her school life. That also makes me think back to when Ben made that comment about taking responsibility that hurt Angie back in chapter one. He didn't realize it, but that comment probably tapped into some old wounds left behind by disapproving parents.
I was wondering why these two were like this to each other, and that neither one can remember exactly what it was they disagreed about shows just how silly these rivalries and grudges can be. More importantly, Angie's defensiveness came out of her thinking she had offended Ben, when really he was just impressed with her. Such a small misunderstanding has kept both of them from enjoying a friendship (and possibly something more) that would have enriched both their lives.
I loved hearing Angie say that Morgan always has her back. I felt that way about Morgan and Ben, so it's nice to know that Morgan is an impartial friend to both of them. It makes her comments about Angie in the last chapter feel more legitimate, and this impartiality from her might be needed at some point to help bring Ben and Angie together.
This whole interaction between Angie and Ben, from start to finish is as sweet as it is awesome! Their banter is so fun, and seeing their nerves gradually melt away as they fell into a routine and got into the session was great!
Then we get into the ethically dubious part of the conversation.
I get that this is a tough spot for Ben to be in, but him steering the conversation toward Angie's teammates and giving her advice on how to approach him is a bit iffy, to say the least. At this point, the anonymity isn't just protecting him but giving him a grossly unfair advantage as he guides Angie. To be clear, I don't think he has any ill intent, and I don't think he even realizes that he's taking advantage of the situation, but yeah, if I were her, I'd be pretty pissed thinking back to this conversation once I learned the truth. I'd feel a little violated, like I opened myself up to a stranger, only to find out that it was the very person I was struggling with. I'd feel like a fool.
Yep, Ben's going to have a tough time once the truth comes out.
And that's not a complaint. This makes things so much more interesting. Now I want to see how Angie applies his advice, how Ben handles seeing her once they're the same size again for the first time, and how Angie handles finding out Ben's secret now that there's some new emotional drama attached to it.
Oh, and I liked the part where Ben kind of lost himself massaging Angie's skin. I feel like this was another one of those moments where the size difference overwhelmed him a bit, and he started thinking of Angie as more than she actually it. That's a pretty cool effect, and, unlike the staff at Tiny Treatments, I'd be thrilled to see more of that!
Wonderful job with this chapter! It's living up to all the anticipation and buildup from the previous chapters for sure! I'm loving this!
Author's Response:
Actually, I had already considered making my chapters a bit longer so he did make a reasonable point! I have plenty to work with so I can afford to make some longer chapters down the line.
There's still so much to get around to that doesn't even involve Angie herself as the story goes on, like the other relationships Ben has with his friends and especially Morgan, that I'll need to pace the chapters accordingly.
It's really nice to hear that you like Angie as she is, I wanted her to have some slight personal issues that weren't sob-story level but real enough to possibly relate to, as far as family goes. And there's of course the rivalry itself, how one misunderstanding or bad communication leads to a wall between two people. They're still a long way off to reconciling but this is more or less the start.
I don't want to spoil the story, but you are right on that front since it's easy enough to guess that's exactly what might happen. He's definitely in for a bit of a rough time when the truth comes out, whenever that happens. You can guess that Angie wouldn't exactly let that kind of thing slide right away. And you probably understand Benjamin's character well enough at this point to know all the reasons why he's hiding it. But he definitely is taking advantage to learn all of her secrets, and it's not even intentional!
Appreciate the review and analysis, as always!
Date: May 24 2025 1:44 AM Title: Chapter 13 - The Walls We Build Around Us
I think you're an amazing writer.
But the pace is really off here. You're about to start chapter 14, and I keep reading because it's good. But I'm also aware that for 99/100 authors, your chapter 14 would be chapter 3 or 4. I'm not going to rate it because I don't want to drag your rating down and I appreciate this story. Seems like it's getting into the meat and potatoes which is great, but I think you should consider the pace.
This could easily be a 100 chapter story at this point, to fully flesh it out and finish the story - and speaking for myself that's not really appealing.
Great writing.
Author's Response:
First off, thanks a lot for adding a review. I'm glad you're liking the story so far!
Second, I do like to stress that it's a slow burn story and it's definitely going to be quite a bit longer than the first story I put on here, due to a lot of characters that interact with each other and I want to flesh out relationships. But I also have the (bad) habit of creating shorter chapters bu adding cliffhangers where I see them, so I can see your concern there. I'll definitely take your feedback to heart and consider making longer chapters so it doesn't become a 200 chapter story when it could easily be a lot less.
But no matter how long the story ends up becoming, I hope you'll keep enjoying it for as long as you want to keep reading it! :)
[Report This]Date: May 22 2025 9:07 PM Title: Chapter 12 - A Giant Misstep
I'm already loving this so much!
Ben is already seeing Angie so differently in more ways than one. That moment when she's studying him so intensely from so high above (while on a knee even!) and he felt that tightening in his chest that this goddess had deemed him worthy of her concern was such a cool moment! It was well set up by him selling her size so well as soon as she stepped into the room (and almost on him!). But it was also great to see him overcome that feeling and remind himself that this is what being tiny can do to you. He reminded himself that this was just Angie and that it was normal for a person to be worried about someone they almost hurt, allowing him to pull out of that trance.
At least for now. I have a feeling that may not be the only time he ends up feeling this way around her during this session (or maybe beyond; oh shit! Could you imagine if he started seeing her that way at school, when they're both the same size?).
It should also be noted that this new perception could be going both ways, too. While it's normal to be concerned about someone you almost step on, the intensity and curiosity she shows here could be part of that protective, affectionate mentality clients can develop for their tiny technicians. The way she smiled at him holding onto her thumb for balance could part of that, too. Or maybe she just thought it was cute! Either way, that little joke Ben cracked seemed to bring her back to reality a bit as well.
But more importantly, Ben is getting to see the softer side of Angie. It was touching to see his reaction to her laugh after that joke, realizing that he's never heard such a sincere giggle from her before. That's kind of sad as well, actually. These two are so lost in their rivalry and fear of rejection that it literally takes him being shrunk to three inches tall and hiding behind a mask for them to see each other for who they really are. I'm really hopeful (and optimistic) that we'll see more of this as the session goes on.
And I don't know why exactly, but Angie calling Ben "tiny person" really struck a chord with me. It just seemed so sweet, so endearingly innocent. Yeah, I'm really starting to like Angie!
As for the "misstep" itself, that was a nice little mistake (that nearly had major consequences) for Ben to make. It was fairly reasonable for him to think he had more time to wander around and there was a ladder there for him to get down, so him being on the floor when Angie walked in didn't feel like a boneheaded, plot-serving error on his part. It was a completely reasonable, honest mistake. He thought he had 15 more minutes. Although, with what little we do know about Angie, it also makes perfect sense that she'd show up early, so that felt pretty natural too.
And Ben's time on the floor is well described, too. From the wind generated by the door opening almost knocking him over to her voice booming overhead as she called out for someone to those gigantic flipflops making seismic quakes as they came down too close for comfort, everything just felt ... big in that moment!
I like Kimberly as a character, and her advice and tiny transporting skills were great! Describing her palm as a "vast expanse of skin lines and life paths" was pretty awesome, too!
That being said, I do have a small critique here. Is there a reason this couldn't have been Denise? The reason I ask is that you've thrown a lot of characters at us so far, some of which you've admitted aren't going to play a serious role in the story. I understand why a lot of them are there, like with having the orientation tinies be different from the training tinies, as you wanted Ben to stand out as being uniquely ready to start work after his first day. That makes perfect sense.
But, unless something is going to happen later in the story, I don't understand why we're seeing a new character here. There's nothing wrong with Kimberly being introduced here, but throwing another character into the mix, even if they don't play a major role in the chapters ahead, risks confusing the reader. My best guess is that Kimberly exists because it's more realistic to have more than one person working the front desk depending on their schedules. If so, it's cool you put that much thought into this, but at the same time, I don't think anyone else would have even considered that, so keeping Denise in that role would have just made more sense anyway.
Then again, maybe there's a plot-related reason for this and I'm assuming too much. If so, please disregard that critique.
But hey, this was an excellent chapter overall! I know I kept using the word "anticipation" and you maybe seemed a little worried that this first session wouldn't deliver, but it already has with this beginning part alone! And all that buildup has made their interactions so far so much sweeter, and we haven't even gotten to the "good stuff" yet!
Author's Response:
You can bet Ben will go a bit easier on her after all of this, I can say that much. Who wouldn't after seeing your rival like that? There will be some after-effects of that, that's for sure.
I'm glad you're starting to like Angie, even though there's not much you would know about her yet at this point (but soon). It's pretty hard to make someone likeable enough without the reader knowing what she's thinking.
It's a good point you made concerning Kimberly and Denise! I started working on this story quite some time ago, and Denise was just a name I had in mind for a receptionist character. I didn't think I wanted to use more of that past the initial part early on but then I changed my mind later and added Kimberly with an actual description, and who will show to have a bit more personality to her as the story goes on. I guess I could have went back and rewrote it to have Kimberly all along as I went along but I decided to leave it like that, it didn't seem too out of place to have several receptionists anyway. But I really like Kimberly as she turned out and she's the one that sticks around all the way. No more roster changes, I promise!
Glad you're liking it as it is so far, and I appreciate the insight, as usual :)
[Report This]Date: May 22 2025 6:50 AM Title: Chapter 11 - Cookies and Care
So it looks like Ben is just starting to realize that Angie doesn't hate him after all. That's probably good to know before you're three inches tall and massaging her hands and feet!
That talk between Ben and Morgan was kind of sad, actually. Morgan was completely shocked that Ben thought Angie hated him, like she just assumed their little back and forths were good-natured or maybe even ignorant flirting. She seemed genuinely bummed that Ben thought that about Angie. That's kind of touching. Morgan seems more Ben's friend so far, but maybe she has the same kind of friendship with Angie and hated the thought of them being spiteful to each other.
But her dropping that Angie checks him out when he isn't looking is a pretty big hint about what Angie really thinks of him!
I do feel like Morgan kind of validated some earlier thoughts I had on these two, though. She also thinks that they're both hiding their real feelings for each other behind the familiarity of their bitter rivalry. Ben hasn't openly thought this, but based on how calculated he was responding to that text, it does seem like he's pretty guarded and particular on how he words things when talking to her, not wanting to give anything away or come off as weak. And Angie's text, again, seemed like her trying to compliment him without giving him an inch. This tension has also caused Ben to come off harsher than he intends to from time to time, and I think it's a fair to assume that the same could be said of Angie; we're just not in her head to confirm.
And I love the way she refers to Ben by his last name, trying to make things impersonal to cover up her likely very personal feelings for him. I was curious how she would react to him getting a job, and the way she softened up and tried to be supportive while sounding indifferent (her tone vs. her words) was kind of cute.
This is all a great way to set up them opening up to each other! It's so delightfully frustrating to see these two going for the jugular all the time despite clearly liking one another. This not only builds anticipation for what's to come for them, but it will also enhance those massaging scenes and any dialogue between them as well. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how things develop between them in the chapters ahead!
Ben being secretive about his job makes a lot of sense. The NDA lie probably did him more harm than good, though. Yeah, it makes it sound like he can't tell them anything, but that's only going to make his friends more curious. NDAs are no joke. Thankfully, though, his friends all seem pretty chill, so they'll probably just drop it. Probably.
Then again, it looks like this new job is already cutting into his time with them, and they're probably going to worry about him a little bit ...
We have a new member of the circle of friends. How's it going, Savannah? Just from her brief dialogue here, she seems kind of mischievous, which is always fun. Unlike some of the characters we met at orientation, I could see Savannah having a real role in the story, though that's not a given. Her being part of the group means we'll probably at least see her around a bit more, if nothing else.
The last line of the chapter was exciting! We're almost there! Giant Angie feels like she's right around the corner! There are so many ways this first session can go, and my imagination is running wild considering the possibilities.
Author's Response:
This is pretty much why I decided to only have the story from Ben's perspective, so you don't know what's going on in Angie's head. I think what I did with the first story with Alice as a secondary main character made it very easy to know how she felt, so I didn't want to repeat that, especially with Angie being a distant rival frenemy rather than a best friend. But you were very spot-on with your thoughts like usual!
The reason why they always refer to each other by their last names is also exactly because they either didn't or couldn't really see each other as a friend.
Savannah will be around some more later for sure! People come and go in the story so far, but the core friend group stays and they have their moments.
I hope it lives up to expectations in some way and that the build-up wasn't the best thing I could offer before their meeting. It's one of those parts I agonized over for a good while before really deciding where to take it (reveal? Angie catching on in any way, or not?), but wholesome is always what I aim for.
[Report This]Date: May 22 2025 12:30 AM Title: Chapter 11 - Cookies and Care
Awesome
[Report This]Date: May 21 2025 6:07 AM Title: Chapter 9 - The Ethics of Ambiguity
I think it was an interesting choice to start the chapter at the end of Ben's hands-on training with Dr. Rivera. I like the decision, actually. It might have been tempting to use this scenario to get to some "action" a bit quicker, but I feel like that would have taken something away from that first scene between tiny Ben and Angie. The way you wrote this let us know that Ben is better than the average new technician without taking away that special feeling of Angie being his "first time." Well done!
Speaking of Angie, that text from her sure was intriguing, wasn't it? It could be taken a few ways, I think, but, to me, it seemed as though she was trying to give him a compliment without opening herself up or looking weak to her rival. From what little we've seen of Angie so far, I've definitely come to the opinion that she's into him, even if she won't let herself admit it. I wonder if she's afraid he'll reject her or if it's just them butting heads the whole time that makes her doubt Ben's feelings for her. Or maybe I'm just wrong!
In any case, I'm already enjoying their dynamic a great deal already, especially since it seems pretty clear that Ben is into her but refuses to let himself fall for the enemy! Him pulling out the "broken clock" line in his response to her was really interesting, too. It's like he's conceding that she's right this time but finding a way to be insulting anyway, which is probably his way of being diplomatic. Although somehow I doubt Angie sees it that way.
Just a guess, but I imagine a lot of her bravado and being "extra Angie" has to do with her frustration over not earning his respect (at least in her mind), which Ben is misinterpreting as smugness and annoyance, thinking she hates him. It's one of those "put on a brave front" kind of things, I think. This is why I think this first session with Angie will really open Ben's eyes to some stuff he's been missing this whole time.
On the other hand, Ben's starting to feel confident that he'll get through this without a problem, which means that there's probably going to be a problem! I wonder if that problem will be at the session or if something happens at school that day to zap his newfound confidence. I'm guessing the next chapter will take place at school before the big session, as there's a lot of potential for how that could go.
Hmm, so the clients have a tendency to get protective and affectionate with their tiny technicians, huh? That sounds promising! I have to say, though, that I love your take on this! A lot of this fetish tends to assume that the worst in people would come out if a normal-sized person found a tiny one (or a giant found a normal-sized person or whatever), so I really like that, in this world, it's those better tendencies that rise to the surface when someone big is in the presence of someone so much smaller than themselves. It's a really nice thought!
It was a lesser thing, but I found it interesting that this job is already starting to affect Ben's debating activities. Morgan is already starting to worry (she seems like a good friend already), and I'm curious if Dustin indeed was just being random with that comment about Tiny Treatments. Who knows, maybe Ben will one day be helping Dustin out during his own orientation, having a friend as a co-worker as well.
And I'm still curious if I was right about all of them being fairly wealthy aside from Ben. Those few comments at the start seemed (at least to me) to imply that Ben was going to some fancy private school, having earned his way in there through hard work. It's not super important, but I'm just curious. Or maybe I just want to know if Morgan might end up on Ben's client list as well!
It was nice to see Ben's mom feel a little relief. She didn't want to pressure him, so she just asked him how it went, but her being happy that he decided to keep working there on his own was great. She deserves a little relief and for her family to get ahead a little bit!
The rules are pretty basic and all make sense. I can't say too much about Valerie, Lily, or Marcus, as we didn't see much of them. I'm curious if they'll play a role in the story at all or if they're just mentioned because it makes sense story-wise to have people there for the ethics training and people obviously have names! Either way, I think throwing a lot of characters at us during this orientation process makes sense, as it would feel weird if the whole thing was Ben and one trainer by themselves the whole time.
We're getting close to seeing tiny Ben and Angie together, and I'm really hyped for it now! I've said this a few times already, but it's worth repeating: You've done a masterful job of building up to this moment between them. Once it happens, there's so many different directions you could take the story, but that first session really feels like a big moment that's coming. Excellent work making it feel that way!
Author's Response:
I haven't shown much of Angie so far to keep her personality kind of ambiguous, you don't know how she really is as a person or how she feels about Ben,, but she'll be around more pretty soon! Also on the opposite end, Ben isn't entirely sure how he feels about her yet either, but that's something that has to be explored more.
Well, it is a gentle theme story at the end of the day, much like my first one, so these do tend to be worlds where regular people are a bit more... lenient and nicer to tinies in general, hah. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea and a lot of people love it when the mean or power dynamic abuse comes out in full force. I actually love reading those too, but when I do my own stories I tend to stick to my comfort zone.
Some of these characters are there for story purpose presence, like you put it. There wasn't much else that they're needed for or at least, that I think I could use them for. It's more for bringing life to the world instead of, like you said, only having Ben and one instructor or something.
I'm glad that the build-up to the meeting has created some kind of suspense, I just hope that the moment itself will be good enough to deliver!
[Report This]Date: May 20 2025 6:21 AM Title: Chapter 7 - Facts vs Feelings
So we've finally gotten some answers on employee treatment by the company.
It makes a lot of sense that they're taking so many precautions with them, as it sounds like people willing to shrink for the job are few and far between. You have to take care of the ones that are, or else you won't have any tinies to pamper the wealthy and elite. What a tragedy that would be!
But seriously, the masks with voice modulators are a really good idea, and I love that the company is aware of how embarrassing working as a tiny could be for someone. I was wondering about Ben's voice, too, so I'm glad you had that covered.
The emergency protocol button was a nice touch I didn't see coming. And it's not actually just for emergencies at that. If he's uncomfortable for any reason, Ben can just bail on the client by hitting that button (assuming it's not just security theater; God, wouldn't that be hilarious!). I could see him hitting it as soon as Angie walks in the room!
Speaking of Angie, I feel at least partially validated on assuming she wanted a newbie because she was nervous. Her being concerned about being judged by the callouses on her hands was a bit intriguing. She really puts her all into debating, doesn't she? I wonder if she's motivated to work so hard to beat/possibly impress a certain rival with a secret tiny little job she doesn't know about. In any case, I could see the callouses being an ice breaker of sorts, with Ben asking about them and Angie giving him a story about her motivation that he isn't at all expecting.
Or maybe she just shoos him away. Either way, I'm game!
So Ben will be working with oils and putting his whole body into pampering Angie's feet and hands, huh? Man, I'm really looking forward to that chapter! Between that and the delicious awkwardness that's sure to fill the room at the same time, this is going to be so much fun!
[Report This]Date: May 19 2025 1:56 PM Title: Chapter 7 - Facts vs Feelings
Loving this one so far. I really dig your style. It this is anything like your other story I know its gonna be great, cant wait for that first day of work for him. Hopefully angie doesn’t inadvertently goad him into revealing himself… actually I hope she does now that I think of it
Author's Response:
Thanks so much, glad you're enjoying it so far! It's a story that moves at a much slower pace than the first one, but I hope it delivers. :)
Also, there'll be some shenanigans with Angie during that appointment for sure.
[Report This]Date: May 19 2025 4:33 AM Title: Chapter 6 - Pride comes before the Fall
There it is!
I was wondering how long it would take for Angie to end up on his client list. Not only does she end up being his first, but he's got a whole day to worry about it! He's already freaking out about it, too. I wonder if he'll see her at school that day before the session (assuming it's scheduled on a school day) and, if so, how he might handle being around her before having to be underneath her, so to speak. Either way, he's got a good 24 hours to stress out about this.
I was also really curious what you would do with Angie here. Would she be a regular who would help this "random" first-timer get accustomed to the job? Would she be going with a friend and secret Ben would somehow stand out to her? Would she be familiar with shrinkies and maybe even a bit playful with them?
But finding out that she's not only a first-timer herself but also that she requested a new hire to work on her is really interesting. It says a lot about her already, I think. To me, this means that she's not necessarily comfortable, at least not entirely, going to Tiny Treatments. Even though she's the one being served, she wants to make sure the one working on her isn't experienced. It seems like she's afraid of embarrassing herself in front of the tiny workers, so she wants someone just as new as her to spare her being judged. I think that's actually kind of cool (assuming I'm right and not just talking out of my ass!). It would be pretty easy for an elitist big to not care about the shrunken employees' opinions and even not see them as people while being served.
Between this and the fact that Angie was hurt when Ben threw that thing about responsibility in her face back in chapter one, I think she probably has a pretty level head on her shoulders and that Ben's fears about her ruining him if she found out the truth are unfounded. Rivalries can blind you like that, though, so I can understand why he'd think this.
So yeah, I'm pretty excited to see how this first session goes! We don't know that much about Angie yet, but I like her already!
I love how well Ben has adapted to being shrunk. It's awesome the Dr. Rivera thinks he's ready for clients on only his second day instead of the usual week waiting period. Although, I guess that does confirm my theory that Tiny Treatments is having trouble keeping employees because of how uneasy the shrinking makes people. But given where we left Ben at the end of the last chapter, it was great to see him feel good about himself and his decision to volunteer first.
It was also great to see Ben set the example for the other three employees. Seeing Tara come out of her shell and Jasmine flash him a smile as she volunteered to go next was pretty cool, as was seeing him earn Kyle's respect right away. I don't know how often we'll be seeing these three, but I really enjoyed seeing Ben put the three slightly older employees at ease and feel some pride in himself!
We even got a little handheld action in this chapter! You've read Roomies, so you surely know how much I love that stuff! And the little details you put into describing the walk from the orientation room to her office was excellent, starting with him walking onto her palm. The way he fell on his hands and knees because he wasn't used to walking on a living, moving, malleable platform (and the reassurance that "most first-timers do that"), Dr. Rivera offering her finger because her rising from a crouch to standing was making it hard for him to keep balance, the way the subtle vibrations of her steps traveled through her palm, and the comparison of the journey to crossing an ocean and Ben not wanting to look down at the "dizzying drop" so far below, all wrapped around Dr. Rivera's encouragement, made for an fantastic and fun little scene, making a huge deal out of something that most people would consider so simple. You really nailed this!
This was a great chapter! Not only did you give us some size-y action, but you continued to build anticipation for that first time we get to see tiny Ben around giant Angie. And you continued to build my investment in Ben as a main character at the same time. Excellent work!
Author's Response:
It was never going to take all that long. I did consider if I wanted Angie to be a surprise to Ben, or if I wanted him to know in advance. I did agonize a bit over that part. In the end, I decided to go with him just knowing before it happened so he could spend time being nervous and freaking out over the upcoming appointment, somehow that seemed more fun to me to put together than you know, the 'great shock' thing when she walks in.
What kind of person Angie is, that'll be clear later on. But she definitely wanted a first-timer so she would feel more comfortable going there, I can say that much.
Shrinking technology is still somewhat recent in the world that most people don't have hands-on experience with, and it's still something that makes the majority go 'shrinking, is it actually real?' And it's still considered a frightening experience. So in that sense, it made sense to me that Rivera was eager to put someone to work that only just applied and had one quick experience, I needed a logical reason for him to get to work as soon as possible.
I love handheld stuff, it's massively underrated and I always try to work some details in around that. I like when being on top of a hand or interacting with fingers can really bring it home to the tiny how small they feel in comparison. But hey, no one does that better than Callie. Although maybe... not for a while as things stand (seriously, that killed me. I need a proper conclusion to that whole thing one day)
Glad you're enjoying Ben as a character! I wanted him to be likeable but also somewhat relatable in some ways.
[Report This]Date: May 19 2025 2:26 AM Title: Chapter 6 - Pride comes before the Fall
Awesome
Author's Response:
Thank you, hope you're enjoying the story!
[Report This]Date: May 18 2025 7:39 AM Title: Chapter 5 - Volunteer
Again, I'm loving all the setup, but I'm certainly not going to argue with you giving us two chapters to get some shrinking in!
Denise seems pretty awesome early on. It was nice of her to give Ben that extra reassurance that what he's feeling and even trying to back out is common among new hires for the company. She could have easily just answered the phone and been the typical monotone employee, not really caring about the person on the other end of the line, but she took the time to connect with him and help him feel better about his doubts. Hell, she even met him when he walked through the door.
Granted this could just be because the company has trouble bringing in employees to fill these roles and she's practiced in walking potential hires off the ledge, but there was a warmth to her that made me feel as though she legitimately cares. I'll admit that I was (and still may be) a tad skeptical about Tiny Treatments at the start, but I got a good vibe from her and that helps me feel like they're a completely legitimate company. So if they're secretly corrupt, you've got me hook, line, and sinker at this point!
Dr. Rivera helped out with that, too. She was calm, composed, and knew exactly what to expect from the new hires. From her showing that she was happy he volunteered to her coaching him a bit on his breathing to the gentle way she checked on him after the shrinking was finished, she was both professional and considerate. Again, early on, I'm feeling pretty good about her.
But between Denis and Dr. Rivera both being well-versed in the ways of easing the tensions of nervous newbies and how terrified the other three new employees (all a little older than Ben, by the sound of it), it's pretty obvious that most, if not all, hires going through this for the first time feel what Ben has been feeling over the past few chapters. Despite shrinking tech being common and safe enough to be put to commercial use, it still strikes fear into the hearts of those about to be shrunk.
Which makes Ben volunteering so great! Maggie was right' he is braver than he gave himself credit for! I was happy to see that you let her get a bit more gentle teasing and reassurance in at the end of chapter four, and seeing how the fruits of her talk about him facing his fears rather than letting them dominate him made me feel proud of him! I know he's regretting that decision right now, but I disagree that volunteering was a mistake on his part (unless you prove me wrong in the next chapter; if you do that, I never said this!).
I'm so curious to see how Ben adapts to being tiny. Will this little example help put him at ease or only add to his concerns? Is he going to be this nervous on his first day actually on the job? If so, how is he going to get over that (or will he)?
And then there are questions about the shrinking and the rules of the establishment. Can a shrinkee be restored immediately or is there a waiting period for their molecular density to be readjusted? Does their mass staying the same mean that they're more durable than something so tiny usually is, or are they just as vulnerable as a bug? How much latitude will customers be allowed to have with the tiny employees, and what happens if they cross the line (given the upscale clientele, I have to imagine that some spoiled snob has taken some liberties with the employees)? Will Ben get hazard pay?
I look forward to seeing at least some of these details shake out as the story progresses. Awesome job with this one so far, too!
Author's Response:
I try to make pretty clear in some chapters along the way that shrinking technology is still pretty recent, and most people have never experienced what it's like to shrink, so it's a pretty terrifying thing to go through since they have no idea what to expect. Like Ben, they all come in for the money, but might back out eventually.
I do my best to explain some of the things you wonder about in upcoming chapters, such as boundaries between client and employees! That's definitely something that was important to me, it wouldn't make much sense for women to have their usual fun with tinies in an establishment like that and just getting away with it (but also, this is a typical wholesome type story with wacky incidents that happen by accident rather than intentional so that might not have necessarily happened anyway)
Appreciate the review as always!
[Report This]Date: May 17 2025 8:13 AM Title: Chapter 3 - Insecurity
I'm also wondering how Ben is going to manage balancing his new work schedule with the debate team. If only someone on the team accidentally found out his little secret and could help him out ...
But man, you weren't kidding when you said Ben's doubts and fears would take center stage in this chapter. I think the timing of it came at a perfect time, too. It's easy to embrace doing something like this when it's not about to happen and you can see how much the people you're trying to help need it, but when it comes time to actually do the thing, it can be a struggle. So it makes sense to me that he came off so determined in the last chapter yet so terrified at the prospect of actually shrinking in this one. Both were perfectly natural reactions to the situation at the appropriate time.
It was nice to see his mom step in and talk him out of going to orientation right away. She was firm about it, but she didn't try to make the decision for him. She knew he didn't want to do this, and she gave him an excuse to delay doing it. She handled it perfectly, and it's easy to see how Ben turned out as well as has!
I continue to love Maggie, though. She's such a great big sister (based on her infinite wisdom, I'm assuming she was the first twin to spring free!). I like her continued teasing, getting away with saying things that might normally be considered a bit harsh because of Ben's familiarity with her and the tone she uses.
But she also keeps Ben grounded, letting him know that their mom's solution was anything but a permanent one and that he needs to figure something out. Yet she does this in a way that doesn't come off as pushy or desperate, despite being overworked and dead tired from her own double shift.
Then she talks him off the ledge, letting him know his weakness (overthinking things) and giving him some phenomenal advice (to not let fear decide things for him), all while building him up and making it clear that she has faith in him.
And, of course, there's that humorous last line, slipping back into that casual sarcasm to reestablish their status quo. The last segment is kind of short, but it makes up for it in power and engagement. I know someone else said they'd like to see Maggie somehow get some time with her tiny brother, and honestly, I wouldn't mind that, either. Given her attitude and their dynamic, it could be pretty fun, in a wholesome kind of way.
We also got a bit of information about Ben's feelings toward Angie. Not directly, of course, but that bit about Ben always "complaining" about her but always finding a way to talk about her is pretty telling. He's terrified that she'll find out his secret and destroy him socially, but honestly? I think he's more afraid of her judging him if she finds out. I mean, anyone from school finding out could potentially spread the word, but she's the only one he's worried about? He's afraid of being embarrassed in front of her specifically because he likes her, but he thinks she doesn't feel the same. That's probably what fuels their rivalry on his (and I imagine her) end. I wonder how much of that concern is borne out of his familiarity with her and how much of it is just his own insecurity holding him back.
Finding out that Ben is winning debates against people who have had private tutors their whole lives is interesting for a couple reasons. First, this line makes it sound like Angie isn't the only well-off kid at that school. It implies that both his teammates and opponents from other schools also come from wealthy backgrounds, which means Ben has earned his place there the hard way most likely and proven that he belongs. After all, if the kids he's debating from other schools are like that, it seems to indicate that they're all elite private schools, right? Maybe that's part of the reason why he's so worried about everyone finding out about his new job. Not only is having to work while his peers are living comfortably, but that he would "debase" himself by shrinking down and caring for feet and hands is the kind of work we all stereotypically expect a rich kid to look down on and make fun of.
Second, and perhaps way more obviously, Ben is pretty damn smart! He's out-talking people who have been prepared for this sort of thing their entire lives, despite growing up in a poorer, single-parent household, which clearly wasn't able to provide him with the advantages enjoyed by his peers. That means he had to outwork them to get to where he is, and it couldn't have been easy to earn his place. The fact that he's such a good dude who's willing to work even harder for the sake of his family makes me want him to succeed even more!
Finally, I just want to say that I really appreciate the effort you've put into setting this scenario up. I know it can be tempting to jump right into the "good stuff" and that you might worry that some people might expect you to hurry up and get to the size-y stuff, but I love the way you're approaching this! You've built so much anticipation already for the shrinking (and the inevitable encounter with Angie when he's tiny). It's awesome! SO yeah, thanks for doing things this way!
Author's Response:
I thought it was kind of realistic (as far as plausible stories with shrinking goes) to let him make a decision on something that wasn't fully thought through yet. And then, when it came down to it, he couldn't do it. Not right away at least, it took a bit of encouraging and motivational lines to get there.
I'm very much fond of the big sister type that's sassy/sarcastic and can say some harsh lines, but really cares a lot and has wisdom to share in spades. Generic or overdone? Maybe, but it's one of my happy places.
I haven't really made plans for quite some time to involve Maggie in any shenanigans since the story is pretty centered around Angie at first, and Morgan will get some time as well. But I'd love to make it happen.
I didn't really want to hold off on the shrinking so I decided to make that happen a day sooner. Of course, since it's a slow burn story, it'll still be setting up quite a lot either way!
[Report This]Date: May 16 2025 5:52 PM Title: Chapter 1 - Responsibility
That's absolutely fair! That's why I'd even want a Maggie sequence to be totally nice and gentle. Like maybe he gets an employee discount for family or something and knows how hard she's been working and wants to have something nice for her because of her support and work or something
And no worries on the slower pace, especially if it's consistent. A good build up and anticipation of new chapters is always great
Date: May 15 2025 11:40 PM Title: Chapter 1 - Responsibility
Really enjoying this so far, and looking forward to getting more and into the action. I'm awaiting what feels like the undeniable discovery of his identity by his debate rival, and the dominating and teasing that would follow, but would also be curious if she ends up eventually taking some pity on him finding out his situation or not. If that's the direction the story goes I'll be very curious to see what happens
Also kinda hoping there's at least one chapter of Maggie finding a way to afford to go there, whether it's winning a treatment or something, knowing it's going to be her brother by knowing his work schedule, so some gentle minded teasing but nothing insulting or harmful. A chapter like that would be really fun I think
But I'm just really looking forward to seeing where you go with it and reading more
Author's Response:
Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far, even though I have a bit of a slow way of getting to what people come to this place for to see.
Honestly, I had considered that and it might be something that happens in the future, but not for quite some time yet, if it does. Maggie's role is that of emotional support and the 'voice of reason', and how she steers Ben along in making the right decisions. But, I am very fond of her myself so I'm sure I can eventually add her into the mix.
[Report This]Date: May 15 2025 10:26 PM Title: Chapter 2 - Family Matters
What I lovable family!
Maggie had a little light teasing for Benjamin when she found out about his new job, but she seemed legitimately touched that he wanted to do his part too and was even willing to do something brave and maybe even a little degrading for the sake of the family. It actually made me smile when she said "Respect, bro," maybe a sign that your immersive second person voodoo is working!
Maria being concerned but also grateful and supportive was a good balance for her! It makes sense that they wouldn't know much about the shrinking tech, as it seems like that is more for the wealthy, and it's only natural that this would make her worry for her son's safety. I really feel for her, too. That line, "You shouldn't have to worry about these things," was really powerful coming from a parent. A single mom with two high schoolers at age 39? It sounds like she's had a hard life, but, despite that, she comes off as incredibly sweet and caring!
And, of course, Benjamin's dedication to his family is so endearing. Despite the situation they're in, he's not bitter at all. It would be really easy to just be angry that his family is struggling and repeat "It's not fair" over and over again. But he's accepted their situation and wants to do what he can to improve it. He doesn't want his family to have to shoulder all the burden on their own, even though they clearly didn't expect him to help out financially. And there's just the calm about him throughout it all; he doesn't even seem nervous or worried in the least. He's just happy to help his mother and sister. You've really done an excellent job in making a likable main character!
So yeah, this was a great little set-up chapter. And now that we have a clearer understanding of Benjamin's situation, I'm only more eager to see how this new job is going to go for him!
Author's Response:
Actually funny you should mention it now that he's calm and doesn't seem nervous or worried at all, since this next chapter I had lined up went into detail about his fears concerning this job (and I have a couple of chapters done already)
Would've been easy to just skip ahead to the job and get to the 'good stuff' and as much as I would like to, that's not how I roll!
[Report This]Date: May 15 2025 7:00 AM Title: Chapter 1 - Responsibility
Hey, you're back! And with a story that's already pretty intriguing at that!
First off, I have to say that writing this one in second person is a bold choice. If you don't mind me asking, I'm curious what led you to go that route with this one.
But me asking that doesn't mean I think it was a bad decision. Actually, despite the reputation second person perspective has, Benjamin already has a person feel as the main character, and I empathize with him pretty deeply even this early in the story. It's awesome that he's so willing to help his family, and he's even willing to do something a lot of people would find degrading in order to give them a real third income ($22 an hour is ridiculous for a high school student!). What a good dude.
I also really enjoy how Angie contrasts with him. Unlike him, she's from a well-off family (at least as far as Benjamin knows), and that makes me curious how she would react to his situation (even just the financial part and not the size one) if she knew. And unlike your last story, these two have an adversarial relationship, so the dynamic between them is going to be very different and should be fun to explore.
But adversarial doesn't necessarily mean spiteful. That line about Angie briefly showing hurt at Benjamin's unintentionally harsh tone already shows that she, at the very least, cares what he thinks about things. Was she hurt because he came off as mean? Or did that line about responsibility cut deeper than Benjamin realized?
I'm also really curious how spoiled or surprisingly unspoiled Angie is going to turn out to be. Obviously she's going to be visiting Tiny Treatments at some point, and Benjamin will get to see a side of her he doesn't normally get to see, one way or another. I'm also left wondering what the rules are for clients as far as treatment of the workers is concerned. Is there a certain degree of "latitude" there, or are things strict in terms of respecting the tiny workers? And what would Benjamin do if a certain blonde-haired rival tried to bend the rules a little (I'm not saying I think she will, necessarily, but there's some fun that could be had there!).
I know the anonymity of your tiny main characters is important to you, and I think having the company protect that for them is a cool angle to use for this. Although that last line for the chapter seems to imply that someone is going to find out before we get too deep into the story, I think. Because someone at school finding out wouldn't mean much if there wasn't the concern of Benjamin being exposed wasn't present (and this itself could lead to some fun same-size teasing situations, as well as someone taking advantage of Benjamin's work hours if he annoys them during the school day. God, there are a lot of possibilities with this!).
Oh, and Morgan sounds fun from what we saw of her. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of her.
Excellent start! I'm really looking forward to where you go with this one!
Author's Response:
Always good to hear from you! I took a break while thinking up something new over time.
Good question. I guess I wanted it to be more of a self insert story this time around, that's something I really wanted to do. I don't think I have any real strong preference towards second or third person so I'm good for either one. If I could have done the first story differently, maybe I would have considered writing that in second person too, but I felt it worked better in third with two main characters. With this one, you're seeing it all from Ben's perspective.
I already have a couple of chapters written out, but some things you're wondering about will get explained through orientation as far as respect and boundaries go.
You know me by now, I love the early anonymity aspect and then getting found out one way or another eventually, I can't get enough of that. But the story itself is always very focused on the relationships around characters.
There will be more of Morgan, absolutely. There's an entire friends group that won't get an extreme amount of focus but Morgan definitely will.
And finally, I can't wait until Callie and Duncan make their return. That cliffhanger was pure evil and I need them to have their good ending.