Date: June 14 2009 5:36 AM Title: Last Hope
A nice resolution to this story.
Ashley asking if anyone had an interesting day yesterday was pretty funny. That seemed to fit her character quite well (based on the admittedly brief encounter we were privillaged). So carefree, so ignorant.
That was a tense concluding scene, the one with Brittany almost killing Bobby. It was going to be a difficult task making Bobby relevant in the resolution, but you pulled it off quite nicely. Kim has really good timing, by the way.
As I said before, I never really considered Brittany to be the evil sort, so I'm glad to see her come around in the end. She really did seem like a good person at heart; she was just frustrated with the ways of the world, and ended up corrupted by the amazing power granted her by the shrinking powder. I think we can all relate.
I also laughed pretty hard when Brittany told Bobby he was only human. After all he went through (and all she put him through), it was brilliant to have her make light of the "Big Mistake".
Nice final line, by the way.
Date: June 12 2009 8:34 PM Title: Last Hope
Excellent conclusion! Who knows? Maybe this Bobby and Brittany will turn out to be counterparts of the couple over at "Victim of Love?"
Just a thought. ;-)
Author's Response: lol believe it or not, theyre 2 different characters
Date: June 10 2009 5:18 PM Title: The NEW escape plan
This is a pretty fun story, complete with a healthy dosage of dramatic element. Every time it seems Bobby has found some form of salvation to cling to, you thoroughly deprive him of that hope and trap him in a worse situation. It makes for a good rollercoaster ride.
The varying reactions of each of Bobby's three friends to finding him tiny showed the diverse personalities he hangs out with quite well. From Kim's disbelief and anger, to Ashley's joking and whimsical nature, and even Krista's upbeat encouraging were all unique and well portrayed.
I really like how you've written Brittany. She's wicked, but not necessarily evil. She uses what little justification available to her in order to use the shrinking powder, but she's yet to intentionally hurt anybody. Hell, she's even apologized to both Krista and Samantha for shrinking them. The only one she's been truly cruel to is Bobby, and her delusional mind tells her that he deserves it. I think it's wrong, but I can't in good conscience call that evil.
You've done a great job in establishing Bobby's sense of dread pertaining to his new size. Reading of his exploits throughout the school, an aura of danger and disdain was carried in Bobby's thoughts and words. His entire time in the band room sounded particularly torturous.
Another good story from you overall.
Date: June 09 2009 8:24 PM Title: The NEW escape plan
I know I'm keeping MY fingers crossed in that regard. :-)
Date: June 08 2009 7:33 PM Title: The apology
Bobby might have been in the wrong, the first time around. But, Brittany jumped to the wrong conclusion, the second time around. In fact, given the cliff-hanger for this chapter, I'll bet she KNEW he hadn't been taking advantage of his size to be a peeping Tom. She just used that as an excuse to further torment him (which is probably what she had in mind, all along).
So, for my metaphorical money? She owes twice as many apologies as he does!
Date: June 03 2009 8:43 AM Title: The Escape Plan
Brittany is headed for the same downfall as Melissa in "Bugman Games." Because, there is no way she can ALWAYS get the upper hand! Someone's inevitably going to come along, shrink her down for good, and restore the others.
Right?
Date: November 15 2007 10:54 PM Title: Chapter 1: The mistake
I like this story a lot, please continue it ^^
Date: November 12 2007 10:45 PM Title: Chapter 1: The mistake
just wanted to share my thoughts on this delightful story! I like it! Please keep writing. The girls are very cute. Im looking forward to his further adventures as a 3" tall man and I especially enjoy krista and how the tables have turned for bobby. Keep it going. Imagine a girl only 4 11 having a guy in the palm of her hand!!!!
Date: November 08 2007 10:15 PM Title: Chapter 5
I'll hold you to those last three words! Because, this story has been real good, so far. And, I'd hate to see it discontinued, for any reason.
Date: November 08 2007 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 4: This sucks
Heh! Ashley must have kept the purse open just enough to give him air. But, all the jostling from class to class widened it even further.
Date: November 08 2007 10:10 PM Title: Chapter 2: Getting Help
Those must have been pretty tight jeans Kim was wearing, to have such shallow pockets.
Date: November 07 2007 4:37 PM Title: Chapter 5
Another very enjoyable chapter. I am enjoying how you are really bringing some humanity into him, and making this brittany kaplan out to be evil one.
The other thing i think you are doing well, is the pacing. The excitement has really been increasing each step of the way, building up.
The only real complaint i have, is how many people have found him, and then lost him moments later. I think the story may be better served if he is struggling to gain the attention of his friends. However, thats really up to you, and what you are doing now is working more then fine. I for one can't wait for the next chapter.
Date: November 06 2007 7:14 PM Title: Chapter 4: This sucks
another good chapter, iliked the vaccuum. it was suspenseful and the injury made him seem more human, it created abit of sympathy for him where before he was just kind of portrayed as a pig.
Date: November 04 2007 12:52 AM Title: Chapter 3: Ashley
so far so good, i like the adventure feel this story has.