[Report This]Date: January 28 2023 3:50 AM Title: 9: Who's Crying Now
Great stuff as usual.
Date: January 27 2023 3:25 AM Title: Chapter 6: Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’
Great chapter. A little hard to follow at some parts though, might just be me.
Author's Response:
Thank you, most of these chapters were written in December '21, I tried to get little more thorough in editing as I went, but also sparsed them out more over time. I swear I am finally putting the final chapters together now but as usual the real world beckons.
Date: January 25 2023 3:53 AM Title: Chapter 5: Lights
Amazingly sensual.
Date: January 23 2023 5:41 PM Title: Chapter 4: Journey
Loved this chapter. And from earlier the writing has definitely improved a bit. I think it would be good for immersion though if you threw in some smaller paragraphs time to time. But that’s just a personal preference I have.
perhaps A little more on what Jessica is thinking too, her own thoughts on the matter of being so grand and powerful would be nice to read. That’s already somewhat there, and I know this is a old chapter, but I definitely think it would help out the already quality writing.
Date: September 24 2022 11:38 PM Title: Chapter 2: Departure
More interesting stuff overall here. I do think the added inclusion of what our protagonist is thinking and feeling allows the scenes to feel more sensual. If anything, I’d simply like more of that. Maybe consider italics or single quotations to show off what Jessica is thinking and feeling more often? I think it would only add to the sheer scale of what’s going on. Again, that’s just my own personal opinion.
[Report This]Date: September 24 2022 11:26 PM Title: Chapter 1: Escape
Cool stuff. Always like mega and such type stories. They are somewhat rare on this site, to my surprise.
Writing is good. The description is there, and it’s enough to paint a picture. I would consider maybe using Jessica’s own thoughts or having her speak or think about some actions every now and then to prevent it feeling slightly mechanical. Right now, As if it’s just this happened, then that happened and then this happened. Idk, that’s just a personal opinion, I think it would help break up the writing a bit and make it feel more memorable.
Another thing you could do if you have time, is to also add in a converted number for how tall she is or anything is in metres. You don’t have to do this. But I can’t comprehend how the imperial system works at all, which does take me a bit out of the story. Perhaps even at the start of the chapter you could just include a little bit where it says “100 feet X metres” or the like. Upto you. Though this is just a slight nitpick.
Author's Response:
Glad you are enjoying it. I have tried to address this in later chapters, though am new here and monologues can be tough. My schedule has evolved over the past few months continues to do so so will try to reach conclusions and continuity. As for the metric, I was regrettably born into the cursed "imperial" system where I forget how many rods to the hogshead the more usable base 10 would be. Though maybe will also address this along with the annoying little spelling errors and grammatical mehs I had included after I finish and combine. Either way just attach a small sign with 'work in progress' to most broken bits here and there and you get the idea.
[Report This]Date: May 02 2022 12:34 AM Title: Chapter 1: Escape
This is a review in general for the story so far.
Despite this site being called "Giantess World", to my surprise, I don't actually see any straight up romps through the city. People either like to portray shrinking, or add so much complexity in the premise so as to appear unique. This is all well and good, but sometimes, simplicity is best, and this simple premise of a 1000+ foot giantess rampaging through town is quite welcome.
You portray Jessica's action with rather precise detail, and have a good sense to switch the perspective just so we can experience the overwhelming power at hand. My particular favorite moment was when she destroyed a structure by flexing her biceps and forearms. Each action was deliberately described in a methodical matter, and really emphasized what an absolute leviathan Jessica is.
My critiques are as follows. While I appreciate the level of detail you put in, the reading came across as rather mechanical. I'm not sure precisely why this is, I can't offer a specific example (and thus, this isn't helpful criticism). That being said, that made some passages a chore to read, even as exciting action was happening on page.
In addition, I do think you ought to break up paragraphs a bit more. You do well when you switch perspective, but when moving to a different detail, I think it'll make it easier to follow if you simply start a new paragraph instead of giving the reader a wall of text to digest. This is doubly true with dialogue, don't bury it in the middle of the paragraph, lend it a paragraph of its own.
Over all this, and your couples story are quite enjoyable reads for some gigantic fun. I do believe your efforts should have netted you more reviews, but for some reason, I think people just stayed their keyboards. But, no matter, looking out for what you have planned next.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the thorough review. I tend to follow a narrow spectrum of what I like to read and do my best to emulate with my own writing, if slightly overexplained sets of sequences qualify. Lurking for a long time, I only started writing at a busy time in life, so most writing is stuffed in during fleeting down time along with a few scant edits before publishing. I am getting towards the end of these two stories now but do have others planned along with possible sequels. I am trying to keep Kaizen and continuously improve so thank you for the kind words and suggestions. I am probably more on the side of Ed Wood than Spielberg in my skills and have already outlined where these stories are going; (not that there will be any Shyamalan like twists here).