Reviewer: VelvetSK Signed [Report This]
Date: November 04 2022 3:56 PM Title: The Runaway

Chapters 4 and 5 are solid erotica. The action was richly detailed and flowed well from scene to scene. You did a great job using details like the exact smell of their breath and glimpses of giant bodies through parted lips to create a chaotic, claustrophobic scene. Details like the comparison of the violent tongue and mouth movements to waves also helped connect the characters to the scene. Imo, the time spent in previous chapters painstakingly rendering the characters and setting made for a satisfying payoff.

Chapters 6-9 do a decent job expanding on the characterization you’ve already laid out, but I think this section suffers a bit due to the reliance on scene breaks. I would have moved the flashbacks to separate chapters. Overall though, the content was good. Trev’s tendency to be abrasive and double-down when confronted combined with his general adolescent inability to think critically makes for a haunting descent into madness. Natalie is reasonably outraged for being, you know, raped, but for a variety of reasons she cannot drop the self-reliant attitude long enough to get the help she needs.

It’s all building up to chapter 10. I look forward to seeing how that goes.

Author's Response:

Oooh my, Chapters 4 and 5... Those were fun times. I'm glad Brittany wasn't the only one who found the payoff satisfying 😝

I appreciate the feedback on the flashbacks. There are ~quite~ a few more in the future so I'll keep this in mind and perhaps I'll just cut the nonsense and give the longer ones their own chapters. And yes, they both have their coping mechanisms that unfortunately clash violently with each other's.

Strap in for Chapter 10. It's gonna knock your socks off 😏