[Report This]Date: October 28 2022 9:46 AM Title: Chapter 9: DEADLY RACE
Hi,
I have been meaning to leave a review for some time, but the moment never seemed right. After nine very solid chapters I feel your story is still quite underappreciated, so a review is in order.
As a fan of fantasy genre, I am in love with the setting and the very concept of your tale. The worldbuilding is done well, though this new, facinating world could have been explored to a better degree - for example by showing the readers its customs, traditions, history and geography throuh the eyes of common people. For now, as vast as it is supposed to be, it seems a bit small. An advice: explore secondary and tertiary characters, they create a more immersive background for the story.
The narrative is also done very well, though not perfect yet. I really like the use of POV sections as well as the differences between the respective narratives of your characters (Aurora's childish enthusiasm, Ophelia's maturity and internal strength coupled with self-doubt, etc.).
There is one more thing I would like to see improved: a problem on the intersection of narrative and pacing. What I mean is, to many things are told and to few shown. For example: the characters struggles are told to be long and tedious but they fail to impose the same feelings to the readers.
For now, a very solid story and an obvious 10/10. But with potential to become an all time great.
C