[Report This]Date: December 12 2022 5:46 AM Title: Chapter 1
Very good erotic story Scrumptious. Well done.
I like how Mark made Sarah feel like such a goddess that he underestimated how it might affect her otherwise gentle demeanor. Not that he was completely upset about getting eaten - he was certainly on the fence.
Date: August 27 2011 10:26 AM Title: Chapter 1
You really explored the characters. For such a short story there was definite progression and development. I don't think making it longer is nescecarry. It was exactly the length it needed to be to tell the story. I probably would've omitted the line "She could tell that he wanted this too, as he slid toward her gullet." at this point in her development I'm not sure if she'd care what he wants. She feels she deserves this, but that might just be me.
[Report This]Date: May 05 2011 5:53 PM Title: Chapter 1
That was a pretty entertaining story, I gotta say. I would have enjoyed focusing more on his shock/horror/whatever as he realized he really was getting eaten, but other than that, this story succeeded in what it was doing.