Reviewer: Ancient Relic Signed [Report This]
Date: January 10 2014 7:06 AM Title: Day 9, Part 2

This was a good, fun chapter. I like the length, and enjoy these long chapters much more than shorter chapters. It gives me time to really get into it, to convey a lot of plot and character's thoughts, and gives me much more enjoyment each time the story is updated.

At first, I figured Sandra was a shoo-in for winner. She was taking the challenge much more seriously than the other two. Whether she actually leaves or starts a threesome with Betty and Annie, I'm happy. If you do, make sure we get a scene between her and Bill, where they both react to his escape attempt. After Sherri hunted the mouse, though, it became a toss-up between Sandra and Sherri, and if she won, that could be pretty good too.

Also write about how the other men feel about their situation. We got Bill's feelings about his new situation this chapter, but Tom's thoughts haven't been mentioned in a few chapters, and - most important - Dave hasn't had a thought since he first met Annie. What does he think of their new relationship? Let's get a good description of that in the next chapter.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked the chapter! I do agree I was a little bit skimpy on describing how everyone felt. It's one of the ways Season One is very inferior to Season Two.