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Reviewer: LillyLolita Signed half-star [Report This]
Date: March 24 2016 8:45 PM Title: Chapter 4 Bubble Gum Mommy

sloppy writing, there's an entire change in perspective from the story, killing the whole mood of it

Reviewer: Jacksmith Signed starstar [Report This]
Date: September 11 2013 5:04 PM Title: Chapter 4 Bubble Gum Mommy

Chapters 1-3 are all very solid and fun, but this 4th one is kind of a mess.  The subject matter is fine, but the perspective changes from 3rd to 1st without warning, and there are a number of grammatical errors around.  In general, too, the characters just feel like they're acting a bit goofy.  I know it can sound petty to criticize a fetish story for its believability, but the mother is chastising her daughter while being terrorized beyond belief by her, and it feels a little silly.

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