[Report This]Date: August 14 2013 7:42 AM Title: Chapter 5 Holy Words
Great story so far! I eagerly await the next chapters. Maki and Shouta look like they'd make a great couple once they get to know each other's circumstances a little better. I find it funny that in Ryujin society she's considered manly while he's womanly.
Something that I found odd is the phrase "tree burner men". 'Men' implies that most or all of them are male, but given the world you've described I doubt that is the case. Especially because you also used the word 'fisherman' in the previous chapter while from the context it's clearly meant to be a woman.
Something else that I noticed is that Maki doesn't consider the possibility that Shouta is a man from the tree burners even after he talks about war and growing up on land instead of in a tree. I was wondering why. Perhaps the tree burners don't know Japanese/holy language?
Author's Response:
First off, thank you for the review, it really is helpful.
Well per say, the odd thing to Maki is how different Shouta is from all the other males she has met, which is only two. Since females are dominant both in number and size, and naturally the bread winners in society. Men are so weak as to need protection even from their mates, it's a role reversal of gender positions in society versus our own.
More on the Tree Burning Men will be revealed as the story goes on. I will leave what they are to be a surprise.
Your right to assume only the Ryujin know the holy language as they learned and passed it down from Hoori and Toyatama. In a sense, when Hoori fell down the rabbits hole, he influenced the Ryujin from simple like society to a structure society with Shinto beliefs. While the Ryujin Jimmu went on to change Japanese society by creating structure and unity by becoming Japan's first Emperor. The Japanese and Ryujin in this case have been entwined for centuries.
[Report This]Date: August 14 2013 7:36 AM Title: Chapter 5 Holy Words
Well, I personally think you've been covering both points of view quite well. And, it certainly doesn't hurt the balance that you're using "omniscient author" mode for each of them. Unlike, say, me (who constantly switches between that and first person viewpoint)!
Author's Response:
Thank you for the compliment. Sticking to the third person allows me to cover all angles, but at the same time, it leaves a detached feeling for the readers. So there is merit to the way you write.