[Report This]Date: March 05 2014 1:05 PM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
Love it. Bitches being taught a lesson is always brilliant and you wrote it very well. I added you on YIM!
[Report This]Date: September 18 2013 4:57 AM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
I think you fooled a lot of us. I had guessed that it was a form of "therapy" from the first couple of chapters, but you cleverly diverted our attention and got us guessing as to Susan's motives. A well written story. Hope you write more good stories in the future.
[Report This]Date: September 06 2013 9:26 PM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
I beat UHF to the 40th comment
Date: August 25 2013 12:25 AM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
Im sorry to say, but I hardly know what happened that chapter. Was part of it a dream sequence, or a memory, or something? It may just be me being an idiot, but I couldn't follow what was happening in that chapter :(
[Report This]Date: August 20 2013 2:51 PM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
I'm really liking this story, SizeScribe. You're a talented writer, and I am particularly impressed by your characters. Holly is the prototypical spoiled brat who we love to hate, and I'm sure I'm not the only one excited about her imminent comeuppance. With your great descriptions and pacing, this story is humming along quite nicely. Still, I must confess that I personally predicted that Holly would receive a shrunken plaything as yet another extravangant toy: swing-and-a-miss!
Your grammar/diction are nearly perfect, but I have to point out one thing that's been bothering me. Your usage of the word "quipped" I think is a bit off. First, a number of times you spelled the word "qiped." Likely a totally understandable typo, but I also wonder about the context. My understanding is that "quip" is usually used in a light-hearted situation, as in a witty/sarcastic joke. I saw that in most cases Julia seemed pretty angry when she "quipped," and the word choice sort of brought me out of the narrative. I'm actually quite uncertain of my interpretation, so I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Anyway, this is quickly becoming the story I look forward to the most. Keep up the great work, and I hope you include more feet!
Date: August 20 2013 6:59 AM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
I think this story has a good start. Wouldn't it be interesting if her Mom set this up too? I'm not into the being a little slave for the rest of you life kind of story, but its good if this is a morality piece with a lesson to be taught. And in the end she is restored, but sees things differently?
[Report This]Date: August 19 2013 8:00 PM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
I can't wait for Holly to get smacked in the face by reality because it really hasn't seemed to happen yet.
Date: August 18 2013 6:45 PM Title: Chapter 1 - It is MY Birthday!
Great descriptions and even better dialogue. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.