[Report This]Date: November 14 2013 9:14 AM Title: Chapter 4 Dissection
"Sometimes no description is better than the best written POV" exactly!! So glad you got me all right :'))) But this just goes together and works if the "normal pov", of the unaware people, do something really horrible on the one side for the tfed people, and mosly just something normal/ordinary for the unaware. The reader than has to read between the lines, wait, this is all sounding so easily and normal, but then this is just right happening to the tfed people and then it must be total horror to them. I just love this play of things. I also got a idea someone maybe ended as an "butt sponge" for cleaning horses, most people arent aware about this, but for cleaning the anus a special sponge is under the cleaning utilities for washing/cleaning horses. And it would be a horrible fate someone ending as this tiny special sponge tool, being used to clean horses butts all over again and in between not even been washed or cleaned again, getting dry after being used, the smell and particales all in it still, and the next day being used again. Anyway I am so damn looking fr the next chapters :') This story is so damn great already. Youre the true best author on here for unaware, especially transformation.
Author's Response:
I don't know if I can rightfully claim a title such as best author on here for unaware, especially transformation. There have been quite a few good authors on GTW, though I'm happy to hear your opinion of me is so great. I must be doing something right.
I just added a new chapter, which I hope you will enjoy as well as the last. It has a lot of hidden references and clues for foreshadowing. And yes, reading between the lines is great!
Thanks again for the review.
[Report This]Date: November 13 2013 7:43 AM Title: Chapter 4 Dissection
No really :p I hope I got myself clear how fantastic this chapter was, and what I loved about it. I am feeling really captured right now in my inner self, not sure if I can make you understand what I liked about this chapter so mach. Did you get what I wanted to say? It's all about leaving out the pov of Jason. How Cassie prepared her own frog and the read wasnt sure yet if it's Jason, just giving him a tiny little segment in between, like slowly waking up, where am I, what happened, and so on, and then light, seeing the face of one of the girls, cut. And then the preparation of the "other frog" began, and the reader be all like oh my god, now this is Jason, will he get through the same procedure Casie just did on her frog, and than, bam, how Susan just grabbed "her frog", went, or lets say, tried to go through the same steps, and out of pure bad luck again went too fast, because of Cassie indirectly. And how his brain was all functional and he was just paralysed because of the broken/half broken neck, and how he must feel everything and go through everything. The horror is just fantastic. Mostly the best unaware tf you ever did. The whole point of everything going together is just so great what I love about this chapter. Also how the girls talked about it then, and Cassie made fun about Susan and "her frog", how she would even found it more funnier if it had been the girl, and how all are so damn unaware about it was one of the poor boys from the class. Damn... I know youve mostly planed everything already, but if youll be able to put in between maybe a bird vore, landing in birds stomach, how it would make quick work of his "insect" and reduce it into bird poo, mostly reeaving itself on a car or house window the girls would be in, would be really ironic and awesome. And the whole farm idea of someone going the hell of a horses digestive tract, and later ending somewhere from the horse lifting its tail in a pile of manure would also be so great. I also liked how this friend of them, Joel came into action and tried to let it all sound not so bad at all, getting them just to forget about it, where she wouldnt even know all the details. It all adds so much to the idea of the boy never to be seen again, ended as a "something", mostly something horrible, in this case a opened frog, still alive, partially organs removed, and it's all fun to the girls, and Joel even tried to change subject, so that the idea of the human Jason once was is completely trashed and made litterally nothing worth about. The same aspect would fit so well into someone being reduced to a bird poo and also on the farm of a horses. Maybe even Cassie would ride out her stallion horse to school a day later or with her friend Susan together and the horse woul releive himself on the schools car lot, making Susan be all like "eww" and Cassie just laugh it off like "relax Susan, it's all just natural", in this kind of thing. Maybe one of their teachers was the one ended in that pile, and ironically they would stand in front of his car which was parked there since yesterday. Again thanks so much for this story :) I am looking into so much now for the next parts and hope thell arrive really soon :))
Author's Response:
I do get what you're getting at. Sometimes no description is better than the best written POV, sometimes some things just can't be explained or described, and instead just needs to be seen or imagined. That was the case with Jason's POV, it was just enough to queue the reader to the knowledge that he was there. Any point of view description I could have written would have paled in comparison to my readers imaginations of it. The whole first portion, was just a build up for it. Honestly it took a lot of time and effort to write that chapter, easily five hours or more. For 2,000 words, that's a lot of time, mind you I also used that time for research and editing etc.
Hopefully my next few chapters can live up to this one. Assuming I get some more time to write. Look forward to it. Thanks again.
[Report This]Date: November 12 2013 1:42 PM Title: Chapter 4 Dissection
Ahhh!! Totally loved the newest chapter :) The whole frog idea was really great. Especially these things I loved:
- how the read thought the first frog was the boy, but then got to know it wasnt- how the reader was left alone with Jason's pov after Susan prepared her "frog", and how she failed at killing the brain- the whole conversation afterwards about "the frog", and that it was just a frog, and it wouldnt matter if his brain was still functional, how Cassie liked it all and made fun about it- How Cassie was really good at in vet things, the whole part where she used that needle to kill the frogs brain was so fascinating to read and it build up so much tension, especially because the POV switches, and the reader has to imagine how this actions at the pov letting are affecting the tf person- the whole idea of Susan accidentally not did er job right, which would have horrible affects on her frog/Jason
Just brilliant chapter, really. I was hoping now reading something similiar in the next chapter, and I start to like Cassie somehow as the "bad guy", I hope she survives in the end and just all the people around her suffer. Seeing someone end as bird poop would be nice combined wiht Susan or Cassie letting it all set up in motion, unknowingly feeding a tiny bug to a bird for example, where at a later story time, the same bird would leave a bird poop on a window for example. I also had an idea reading al about Cassie wanting to be a vet and is good at things like that. Maybe it was the annual/half year time to deworm her horses at the farm, which would include giving the horses deworming medicine. The medicine works that it deactivates/dissolves the worms shield skin and afterwards they are just normally digestbale by a horses digestive tract. So maybe one person gets tfed into a worm larve and mixed under the horses food, swallowed, and the twist here would be that the deworming medicine would just take its magic on the tfed person too, and it would easily be digested by the horse.
Again brilliant chapter. I love the idea of telling the girls POV much longer out, and the reader has to imagine what horrors the tf guy went through, in this the frog, and Cassie or the girls in random just talking about it all making fun about it, not having the tiniest idead about what happened before. Cant wait for the next to come :x
Author's Response:
Glad you enjoyed reading it.
I made a choice with the POV scene, and ended up choosing a more suspenseful approach. In the end, it what you can't see, that is ultimately terrifying. So Jason's point of view was unnecessary, not to mention anything I wrote would just pale in comparison to something somebody could imagine. To get everything right, I actually looked up many self tutorials on frog dissection. I even watched several video's on it, not for the squeamish of course. Try watching them while reading, it will really creep you out. Or it might just creep you out watching them in general.
I think I got the rest of the story wrapped up in my head nicely, I just need to get it all down unto the canvas. As for what will happens next, I cannot say, that would ruin everything. So I hope you can wait for the coming chapters.
[Report This]Date: November 12 2013 8:36 AM Title: Chapter 4 Dissection
Cassie is turning out to be quiet the evil brat...status quo for that name.
Good stuff.
Author's Response:
The name does seem to be popular on GTW. My choice in the name was coincidental though. I just kind of chose it at random. She is quite twisted, and I think more of "that" will be revealed as the story continues.
Glad you liked it, thanks for the review.